Balding Older Guy In The Barber Shop Today

[Goldee Lox]

I'm kind of tipsy tonight, so apologies if I do not explain this perfectly. It's probably pointless..

I hate getting haircuts.. I can't stand being put in a chair under the light and having someone rummage through my scalp with clippers, scissors and wet spray..

Hair loss doesn't become easier to deal with as you get older.. You will still care.

I'm waiting on the bench for my turn while an older gentleman walks into the shop.. He's a distinguished looking guy.. Easily in his mid 60's.. has a decent front actually, white hair, but a totally slick comb over happening on the crown and it was deep.

I had requested a certain stylist and he got his before mine so was seated and being trimmed while I still sat on the bench waiting.. He immediately began talking about balding with the barber.. She's a cute girl for being in her 40's and very sweet and cuts good hair.. I use her sometimes. He didn't seem bashful about talking about it at all... I guess he just felt the need to put it out there because it was obvious his crown was gone and she was attempting to do him justice.. he was saying it's something he just has to deal with and wasn't being quiet about it... I'll never forget him saying "but, I try.. with minoxidil" His hair wasn't bad for his age.. and he was definitely a distinguished fellow. Had style.. almost like the original Dos Equis guy with a thin crown.

After that he talked about his time as a professor and earning his doctorate in Austin..

I guess the thing I'm trying to say with all of this is.. you don't stop caring about hair loss as you get older.. I think you just care less about it.. or at least talking about it openly.. as a much younger guy, I wouldn't be caught dead discussing my minoxidil use with my stylist and then switching it up to my days as a professor all casual like.

 

[Dontwannabeabetabob]

I see balding or being bald as something to be "earned" with old age, that is if you have no choice otherwise or if you're simply not aware of treatments. I have a professor who is rocking pretty much just a very weak forelock combover with the obvious horseshoe, but it actually fits him. As you mentioned OP it's a distinguished look that I believe is "earned".

 

[UncleMort]

No surprise, as you age, you are not as self conscious about balding in general if you have been at it awhile

SOunds like this guy got it late in life, and he has no outlet for venting

So he blurts sh*t out in front of hot stylists to unburden himself.

 

[kj6723]

You thought Chad would disappear because you grew a few years older?

He's going nowhere mate

 

[JohnsonDDG]

You thought Chad would disappear because you grew a few years older?

View attachment 63652








He's going nowhere mate

Most people age horribly. Look at the average 40 or 50 something on the street and they do not look good.

 

[swingline747]

I'm kind of tipsy tonight, so apologies if I do not explain this perfectly. It's probably pointless..

I hate getting haircuts.. I can't stand being put in a chair under the light and having someone rummage through my scalp with clippers, scissors and wet spray..

Hair loss doesn't become easier to deal with as you get older.. You will still care.

I'm waiting on the bench for my turn while an older gentleman walks into the shop.. He's a distinguished looking guy.. Easily in his mid 60's.. has a decent front actually, white hair, but a totally slick comb over happening on the crown and it was deep.

I had requested a certain stylist and he got his before mine so was seated and being trimmed while I still sat on the bench waiting.. He immediately began talking about balding with the barber.. She's a cute girl for being in her 40's and very sweet and cuts good hair.. I use her sometimes. He didn't seem bashful about talking about it at all... I guess he just felt the need to put it out there because it was obvious his crown was gone and she was attempting to do him justice.. he was saying it's something he just has to deal with and wasn't being quiet about it... I'll never forget him saying "but, I try.. with minoxidil" His hair wasn't bad for his age.. and he was definitely a distinguished fellow. Had style.. almost like the original Dos Equis guy with a thin crown.

After that he talked about his time as a professor and earning his doctorate in Austin..

I guess the thing I'm trying to say with all of this is.. you don't stop caring about hair loss as you get older.. I think you just care less about it.. or at least talking about it openly.. as a much younger guy, I wouldn't be caught dead discussing my minoxidil use with my stylist and then switching it up to my days as a professor all casual like.

this here is the problem. How many times does it have to be said that no one will take it seriously or bother to really look into positive treatments if the market isnt out there. In order for the market to get out there you HAVE to talk about it. I was at a bit of a reunion a few months back and told everyone there I had the procedure done. I tell guys at my gym. I tell people in the supermarket if it comes up. You need to be able to talk about it so more people will feel comfortable doing the same. When the actual desire is out in the public maybe then we can get some real steps forward in the treatment department, maybe then the current procedures we have will go down in price.

 

[Rudiger]

this here is the problem. How many times does it have to be said that no one will take it seriously or bother to really look into positive treatments if the market isnt out there. In order for the market to get out there you HAVE to talk about it. I was at a bit of a reunion a few months back and told everyone there I had the procedure done. I tell guys at my gym. I tell people in the supermarket if it comes up. You need to be able to talk about it so more people will feel comfortable doing the same. When the actual desire is out in the public maybe then we can get some real steps forward in the treatment department, maybe then the current procedures we have will go down in price.

I really respect that you take an activist approach, but for every guy you might slightly influence with your tireless efforts, there's a hundred guys buying laser combs.

 

[swingline747]

I really respect that you take an activist approach, but for every guy you might slightly influence with your tireless efforts, there's a hundred guys buying laser combs.

its not an activist approach, its owning it. You either own youre baldness or own your treatment. I was ashamed of my horrible hair. Why shoudl I ALSO be ashamed of the remedies?
Ive told plenty of girls/women about it. Its also not a tireless effort. Its not like Im in the park with picket signs. Its during an already ongoing conversation about the topic. Youd be surprised how many guys will talk about it if comfortable. usually starts with a joke about age then inevitably go to pointing or rubbing their bald/ing head. Every time.

 

[Rudiger]

its not an activist approach, its owning it. You either own youre baldness or own your treatment. I was ashamed of my horrible hair. Why shoudl I ALSO be ashamed of the remedies?

Because most people find it shameful, especially those who don't come to understand you on a personal level and therefore do not empathise with your struggle.

Possibly you're an impressionable extrovert type who is one of the rare few who can put themselves out there in all ways and people accept it without a flinch, but for the vast majority of us (and by the way I consider myself quite extrovert a lot of the time) people will laugh and scoff behind your back, at your vanity and pathetic attempts to keep your diffuse thinning when "it's just hair bro!".

Also for the vast majority of us it is important to keep personal relationships steady, socially it is easy to f*** it up and become weird. I know for a fact if I started openly discussing hair loss and treatments with guys at the gym for example, they'd find me weird and laugh behind my back, probably somewhat avoid me as an oddball.

Maybe you can choose to move on to other people, but even I as a person who can present himself normally on a social level, will struggle.

Unfortunately even if the onus is on them to not shame us, they will. And unfortunately because most people have that judgemental part of them, you can't keep moving on to new friends or even women, because most of us will run out of options quickly.

I still have enough friends who in some form have openly bald shamed, and that doesn't mean if they tried it on me that I'd simply bend over and take it (if this happens early in a friendship they quickly learn that it isn't appreciated and not to do it again). But I know that it's hard for them to understand, just like I can't understand every issue that other people go through.

I just have to accept that I like 99% of their other qualities and have to forgive one, even if it really affects me. And I have to accept that if I poke at that 1% of them that doesn't accept a genetic fault of mine, they still won't understand.

Even if you level with them on an extremely touching and genuinely personal level that affects them in the moment, within days they'll revert back to the attitude ingrained in them for so many years, and find it hilarious that it affects you so much and that you should grow up.

I hate to say this but it's very possible that the people you discuss these things with are not as open-minded as they appear to your face. And maybe you can move on from this and well done for that, but I'm not capable of being so secure, and while this works for you, you have to realise it's not realistic advice for most people who get extremely depressed and self-conscious about what other people think.

 

[swingline747]

Because most people find it shameful, especially those who don't come to understand you on a personal level and therefore do not empathise with your struggle.

Possibly you're an impressionable extrovert type who is one of the rare few who can put themselves out there in all ways and people accept it without a flinch, but for the vast majority of us (and by the way I consider myself quite extrovert a lot of the time) people will laugh and scoff behind your back, at your vanity and pathetic attempts to keep your diffuse thinning when "it's just hair bro!".

Also for the vast majority of us it is important to keep personal relationships steady, socially it is easy to f*** it up and become weird. I know for a fact if I started openly discussing hair loss and treatments with guys at the gym for example, they'd find me weird and laugh behind my back, probably somewhat avoid me as an oddball.

Maybe you can choose to move on to other people, but even I as a person who can present himself normally on a social level, will struggle.

Unfortunately even if the onus is on them to not shame us, they will. And unfortunately because most people have that judgemental part of them, you can't keep moving on to new friends or even women, because most of us will run out of options quickly.

I still have enough friends who in some form have openly bald shamed, and that doesn't mean if they tried it on me that I'd simply bend over and take it (if this happens early in a friendship they quickly learn that it isn't appreciated and not to do it again). But I know that it's hard for them to understand, just like I can't understand every issue that other people go through.

I just have to accept that I like 99% of their other qualities and have to forgive one, even if it really affects me. And I have to accept that if I poke at that 1% of them that doesn't accept a genetic fault of mine, they still won't understand.

Even if you level with them on an extremely touching and genuinely personal level that affects them in the moment, within days they'll revert back to the attitude ingrained in them for so many years, and find it hilarious that it affects you so much and that you should grow up.

I hate to say this but it's very possible that the people you discuss these things with are not as open-minded as they appear to your face. And maybe you can move on from this and well done for that, but I'm not capable of being so secure, and while this works for you, you have to realise it's not realistic advice for most people who get extremely depressed and self-conscious about what other people think.

If you are that worried about other guys opinions on you then you have many other issues besides hair loss.
I'm an outgoing and, believe it or not despite my personality here, am quite likeable. I have running friendly relationships with these guys so I'm not worried about them mocking me behind my back. As with anything in life it's about presentation and I don't ever tell people I've had it done in a weak way. I dont tell people at work is my only caveat but that's for different reasons.
I would tho, I just don't think it's appropriate work conversation plus a lot of our vp's are dead *** bald.
I think you are presenting me telling people this in a weak, touching, acceptance seeking way when in reality it's laughing guy talk with adult cuss words and all and believe me or not most of them are far more interested and curious than you might think.

 

[Rudiger]

If you are that worried about other guys opinions on you then you have many other issues besides hair loss.
I'm an outgoing and, believe it or not despite my personality here, am quite likeable. I have running friendly relationships with these guys so I'm not worried about them mocking me behind my back. As with anything in life it's about presentation and I don't ever tell people I've had it done in a weak way. I dont tell people at work is my only caveat but that's for different reasons.
I would tho, I just don't think it's appropriate work conversation plus a lot of our vp's are dead *** bald.
I think you are presenting me telling people this in a weak, touching, acceptance seeking way when in reality it's laughing guy talk with adult cuss words and all and believe me or not most of them are far more interested and curious than you might think.

I for one think your personality here is likeable, and I don't know why you'd get the general sense other members think otherwise. I do look out for your posts and always find a unique take on things that I don't get from a lot of other posters, such as your attitude in this discussion. Please don't take my long posts as a rant against you or disliking you, I get where you're coming from and just battling with it in my own head as well.

I disagree however that being concerned about other people's thoughts on me as a sign of lots of many other mental issues, like I say, it may not effect you, but I've known casual friends to disappear over the slightest sign of eccentricities that I may have, and I am certain others would also disappear if I started talking about this fairly taboo topic of hair loss. Being social is important to me as it naturally is for most people, and being frowned upon as weird or undesirable as good company threatens those social connections, so it makes sense to me that I need to keep guarded as to what I talk about and reveal.

To me that's pretty reasonable in terms of self-preservation in the social world. I don't let others thoughts keep me up at night, but I am aware that certain ways I act or certain things I talk about, can drive others away who may not be so incredibly understanding. Similarly I feel the same way about those casual friends who engage me in conversations I don't really care for, and I avoid them. I don't want to be that guy who get's avoided from people I actually want to talk to (which actually, isn't that many).

So a few important things in your post; you're not worried about them mocking you behind your back, well that's fine, but for me I take that as a sign that it may cross-over in to completely ignoring me or demoting our friendship less and less. If that has never happened to you, then you must have a lot of other qualities to make up for it, that keeps these people being friends of yours. Of course I'm not saying you're admitting this "mocking" is definitely happening, but that's what keeps people like me (most of us who aren't overtly naturally extrovert) safeguarded about losing people you actually like.

And secondly I wasn't trying to give the impression you stand up on a podium to give a speech about hair loss and how it affects your delicate mentality. I was just rambling off into a tangent about how even at the most extreme example- which is really getting to a heart-to-heart emotional level with someone about your issue with hair loss, they will still most likely revert back to their previous mocking self over it within days.

I understood that your situation is casual banter and fun, and that works for you, it's just bad advice for like 95% of people out there.

For anyone still reading, it's a very bad idea to have "fun" with talking about hair loss with other guys. They will mock you and find you odd, it will not spread positivity for the cause and awareness of further treatments. At your persistence of such a topic they will likely shy away from you and your uncomfortable topics.

But now that you've given me a real idea of how these conversations go down, do they joke about your hair to you? Because I just couldn't stand for that sh*t. If anything casual and chatty banter about hair loss pisses me off, and I don't understand how you could take such sh*t on the chin and just pass it off as "spreading positivity".

Full heads ripping the piss out of your diffuse thinning while you're trying to do something productive and get exercise. What a laugh. Not humiliating at all!

 

[kj6723]

Every time I get a new 6 month supply of minoxidil delivered, first thing I do is throw out the box and rip off the labels. Pull the labels off my finasteride as well

I've just accepted I can't talk about this disease. I do talk about it with my parents now and then, since they know I've struggled with it, but I think I'm pretty much done even with that. I'm basically done ever thinking its a good idea to bring it up or let on to anyone that I treat this condition

Only situation in which I can imagine it coming up is if I ever live with a chick, in which case she'll inevitably end up catching on to my weird routines

 

[swingline747]

Me

I for one think your personality here is likeable, and I don't know why you'd get the general sense other members think otherwise. I do look out for your posts and always find a unique take on things that I don't get from a lot of other posters, such as your attitude in this discussion. Please don't take my long posts as a rant against you or disliking you, I get where you're coming from and just battling with it in my own head as well.

I disagree however that being concerned about other people's thoughts on me as a sign of lots of many other mental issues, like I say, it may not effect you, but I've known casual friends to disappear over the slightest sign of eccentricities that I may have, and I am certain others would also disappear if I started talking about this fairly taboo topic of hair loss. Being social is important to me as it naturally is for most people, and being frowned upon as weird or undesirable as good company threatens those social connections, so it makes sense to me that I need to keep guarded as to what I talk about and reveal.

To me that's pretty reasonable in terms of self-preservation in the social world. I don't let others thoughts keep me up at night, but I am aware that certain ways I act or certain things I talk about, can drive others away who may not be so incredibly understanding. Similarly I feel the same way about those casual friends who engage me in conversations I don't really care for, and I avoid them. I don't want to be that guy who get's avoided from people I actually want to talk to (which actually, isn't that many).

So a few important things in your post; you're not worried about them mocking you behind your back, well that's fine, but for me I take that as a sign that it may cross-over in to completely ignoring me or demoting our friendship less and less. If that has never happened to you, then you must have a lot of other qualities to make up for it, that keeps these people being friends of yours. Of course I'm not saying you're admitting this "mocking" is definitely happening, but that's what keeps people like me (most of us who aren't overtly naturally extrovert) safeguarded about losing people you actually like.

And secondly I wasn't trying to give the impression you stand up on a podium to give a speech about hair loss and how it affects your delicate mentality. I was just rambling off into a tangent about how even at the most extreme example- which is really getting to a heart-to-heart emotional level with someone about your issue with hair loss, they will still most likely revert back to their previous mocking self over it within days.

I understood that your situation is casual banter and fun, and that works for you, it's just bad advice for like 95% of people out there.

For anyone still reading, it's a very bad idea to have "fun" with talking about hair loss with other guys. They will mock you and find you odd, it will not spread positivity for the cause and awareness of further treatments. At your persistence of such a topic they will likely shy away from you and your uncomfortable topics.

But now that you've given me a real idea of how these conversations go down, do they joke about your hair to you? Because I just couldn't stand for that sh*t. If anything casual and chatty banter about hair loss pisses me off, and I don't understand how you could take such sh*t on the chin and just pass it off as "spreading positivity".

Full heads ripping the piss out of your diffuse thinning while you're trying to do something productive and get exercise. What a laugh. Not humiliating at all!

I get you, maybe there is an age difference with us, maybe there is also a norwood difference that makes it harder for you.
I don't think your attacking me at all, I'm just trying to give you the pov that we are all ashamed of hairloss but if you are taking steps to combat it then you should not be ashamed of the treatment. If you do you will just spend all your time being ashamed of everything. Not worth it. Unless you are using a wig or system, then I could see it but even then I'd probably try to rock it. To me though in order to do that I'd go 110% in and shave the head fully and get a bunch of them lol. That's my personality tho. I think you'd also find that girls are not turned off as much as you'd think telling them you had a hair transplant. In fact tell them you want more. Women appreciate a guy who "go for what he wants". It's true, and if you tout this with a comparison to a woman's situation like makeup or whatever they will under stand. Most will even bring up things they'd like done. I've always had a bit of a center of attention attitude tho as well and have usually always easily been easily placed in the front of the group because of this attitude. These are all things that could make our situations different. Could be my looks from back in the day could have helped me carry my attitude over these years. could be I'm a sociopath, good I would love to be a full on high functioning sociopath lol.

I don't usually get angry about stuff anymore either. It's a getting older thing. A few weeks ago I almost had a full out fist fight with a guy at my gym. Now we're pretty much buddies. I think he was just that kind of guy tho, the town I live in now seems to be that kind of town.

Most people won't shy away from the topic as uncomfortable either because we are already talking about it, or I've casually led it there without them knowing. So it's never out of the blue.

Don't know man, I'm not telling you how you should act, it took me a few years, see very personal changes and even medication to get where I am now. I'm 36. You might have a few years to get where I am.

I've just never been ashamed of talking about hair treatment. To anyone even in my 20s. You talk to the right person and you might find yourself getting some good advice about it.

 

[blackg]

A few weeks ago I almost had a full out fist fight with a guy at my gym. Now we're pretty much buddies. I think he was just that kind of guy tho, the town I live in now seems to be that kind of town.

Can you expand on this sentence a little more?
I'm intrigued.

 

[kj6723]

I agree with both Rudiger and Swing here. I've never had an open approach myself: in the sense my treatment is only known by my family and gf/ex. People who I really trust. Being open would help our cause as Swing said, it is also nothing to be ashamed about.

My main reasons for not telling people the full story is they won't understand, risk of being viewed as inferior too (even if I had little loss in later age). Not to mention I don't need to talk about it as I have my support network if I decide I need them plus this forum. I've had a few good convos about hair loss and treatment with balding guys though. At that point you realise you're all self conscious and people throw in suggestions about treatments. You do bond. And unlike the general public, these guys always know the actual true treatments! No bs about stress or biotin.

I've caught some people saying things like "his hair is good but he has had transplants, it's not natural." People do put emphasis on being genetically good too. I think it's okay to talk about having the front done via a hair transplant, even that makes me uneasy, but imagine being badly bald or having multiple transplants at a young age. Basically, best to not say much except to people you trust.

I think it's admiral to bring it up with other baldites, particularly if you can tell they are really suffering from it, but fullheads, lovers, etc, you have to approach with extreme caution. Never know when they might pull that sh*t out as a weapon to use against you

 

[kj6723]

For sure. On an unrelated note I was on twitter and I saw a debate about a certain political issue. Anyway the educated girl with a following who is like 3/10 disagreed with a major minister who happens to be bald. She wrote something like why does twitter ask me to follow this bald guy. Why not any hot guys with great locks.

Of course! She is entitled to the cream of the crop, why should she associate with baldites?

 

[kj6723]

You have a good full head of hair in the public eye and you're around my age, just a little younger. I'm glad I don't have this balding tag either, really loving what I did for my hair.

We are both in a solid position hair-wise atm in regards to age. I'm still getting gradual regrowth, to the point I basically now have the same hairline I had in my early 20's before I even realized I was experiencing hairloss. I made a comment on here like a week ago about my situation wishing it was better, and it triggered some. Don't know why I lose perspective sometimes but I definitely need to be more sensitive to the advanced baldites. I am very blessed as is right now

I'm happy for you that your transplant was a success, and has brought you more peace of mind

 

[kj6723]

Yes exactly. Although I didn't see the posts you are referring to, there is a way to vent and a way not too. Sometimes advanced baldites are being harsh, other times there are noobs with 3mm of recession who act like it's the end of the world. Perspective is good and you're definitely one of the balanced forum members on here and recognise when you worry too much. That's all you can do, we can't always beat our mind.

I think you have your juvenile hairline still, good stuff! Ultimately I think in the public eye, having thickish hair and nothing beyond a mature hairline, is literally perfect even for young guys let alone older ones. I've even seen Norwood 2.5/3 with thick hair get away it. Really the transition to badly balding/bald happens once you become thin and/or beyond a NW3. Forgot to add that this Norwood 3V was a very thin/diffuse blonde one, looked in a bad state. Can't believe he commented about hair loss too. Mirin his courage though.

I'm currently NW1.5 - 2, depending on the harshness of the norwood spotter. Since I can't find any pics of myself before the age of 20 with short hair, I'm not sure if my hairline was ever better/much better than that, except for one pic of my at 16 where it looks like I have a bit of recession, but it's not the clearest pic. I never got called out for hairloss until I was pushing NW2.5 with forelock thinning in my mid 20's, so there's really no rational reason for me to worry about being norwood spotted now. As long as I maintain where I am now, I will not need a transplant. Fingers crossed that the currently available treatments will carry me for the next 10-20 years. You should be good for a while too hopefully now you've gotten your front sorted out. How are you enjoying the luscious mane?

 

[SteveTabernack]

I'm so jealous you guys get to have the peace of mind that finasteride gives, couldn't tolerate it myself.

My whole whole f*****g hairline is eroding and I really just wanna get a transplant to fix it and achieve inner peace, but wouldn't be wise at 22 with nothing to battle DHT.

Finding it very hard to cope these days f***.

 

[SteveTabernack]

Yeah, you're not a good candidate sadly and young too. It's a losing battle without dealing with DHT. Unless you have really good donor and money, in which case you can keep transplanting as it disappears. But even then, it probably won't be as thick and natural as mother nature intended.

Maybe try a smaller dose of finasteride? Worth another try maybe.

Don't think I've ever seen anyone actually have succes with smaller doses of finasteride if they had sides on a higher dose? Besides, I was only doing 0.5 mg per day.