Feeling lost...(not completely hairloss related)

[Stabber]

dont know where to start. I'm just...bored with my life. I know that's a dangerous thing to say when there are people dying and suffering, but its true. And it's a damn shame, because I'm only 25 and I'm sure I've already wasted a good 3-4 years in this "state" i'm in. I've tried everything i can think of. I feel like I'm trapped in the same day. Like I've lost my identity? Since I was 19, (after my grandather died) I noticed this self awareness started. I feel like I'm analyzing life instead of living it. I've been to a few therapists for "this feelng." All diagnosed me the same. Social anxiety disorder or generalized anxiety disorder and OCD. Which is probably true. When I say OCD, I dont mean hand washing. I mean excessive thoughts/worries.

I was on paxil for 3 years (did nothing), tried luvox for a few months (did nothing) then zoloft (nothing) wellbutrin (made me dizzy) and a few other SSRIs which did nothing. I ended up getting put on xanax at the same time as Paxil (19yo). Xanax was the only thing that worked. I quit taking it at age 25. I was dependant upon it and it was hard to stop. I say all this, to show that I've made attempts to correct the "situation." I gave each drug more than ample time. I went to each therapist for at least a year . One therapist wasnt even covered under my insurance (OCD specialist), so I paid him over $1000 for sessions. It was worth it though. In retrospect, this "feeling" I had never went away, despite my best efforts. Not with overmedicating myself, not with $1000 worth of therapy, not with anything. I don't know how to describe it. It's like showing someone a picture of an apple and telling them what it tastes like.

Now I find myself in this sedentary state. I'm more like a tarantula, keeping to myself. I've advanced my career but my youth got lost somewhere. I look in the mirror and see my face aging/changing and it scares the hell out of me. I used to be considered very goodlooking by many girls, just a few years ago. Now, it's hard to get stares. It is all in my head? Can someone change within 4 years time? Is it lack of self confidence I'm projecting? Did my face really change? So many questions, no one who can really answer them. Then, I have to question myself again to see if it's ocd playing tricks on me or not.

All of men's modern day troubles are probably due to living sedentary lives. I'm not defending my family from a pack of wolves, or chasing a wid animal for food. My biggest excitement comes when I have to walk to the printer to get a document . My point is, we have too much time to think. This is probably where all these disorders came from. Do you think caveman had body dysmorphic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder or OCD?

I'm 25 but I feel 55. I'm not sure that I'm really depressed, I'm not moping around listening to sad songs and crying. I work upstate, so I dont have much social time by the time I get home. Actually, my ownly social life is now work. I'd love to meet a nice girl, get married, have kids. I'm not going to lie. It's a big part of my life that is missing. I live in a small town and it's hard to meet girls your age that A) You don't know or B) have their head on straight

Whatever it is, there is something not right. And I dont know what it is. I've tried for years to figure it out , but I can't. For self help: I've read countless sociology/psychology books, taken psychology courses, studied philosophy, online research. I've even read "how the brain works" books (to the best of my ability) to try and get better insight. But this feeling is still there.

 

[unluckystat]

Sorry man, can't help you out with that. I'm only 19 but I definently feel like I am heading in the same path as you are. Just last year I had a ridiculously full head of hair and now my hairline is starting to recede and my vertex is showing more. I did put on some weight my freshman year which definently led to a decline in my appearance but now I've been working out regularly like I did in high school and I'm getting more attention from girls again but I feel it will be short lived because I am already a Norwood 1.5 and declining rapidly because of my terrible genes. The worst thing is that I go to an extremely superficial University where at least 80% of the students immediately judge you on appearance and if you have a receeding hairline people will automatically think less of you.

 

[noorur]

i feel the same way

i am psychologically f**ked, and i blame it completely on hairloss. i am only 20 yrs old and i feel as though there is no point in living anymore. if im gonna get old, then what chances are there for me finding a wife and living a decent life ?? i just wish my regime works and grow back most of the hairs that i have lost over the 5 years, so i can get my life on track and resurrect my old self.

 

[Guest]

All the advise is that i can give you is just to suck it up and get on with it. Most guys loose hair in their lifetime so why dwell on something you cant help which is not even that uncommon?
It's not like your disabled or have anything wrong with you.
You can take the route of spending thousands and thousands of your cash on your hair, and put your health at risk.
If you want to waste your life then go ahead. Theres A LOT of people in the world in much worse positions than you.

 

[Guest]

Stabber, you’ve summed my situation up more or less to a tee. This is exactly the way I feel. The changes you’ve described have coincided with my hair loss.

It's like 'emptiness'. All the life that was once in me has now (more or less) gone. Things are boring, dull and I just feel insignificant these days. These last 2 weeks, it has hit me that time is ticking away.

I’m the same age as you - in 6 months I’ll be 26 and I still have nothing together with regards to getting a girlfriend a settling down, like you mention.

Personally, I would never get desperate with regards to this, but I would like to have had a good stable relationship behind me before 28 years of age. Sadly, with all my psychological problems caused my hair loss it’s kind of changed or altered my life plan for the worst, making this difficult.

Two weeks ago the most oddest thing happened to me. I was just casually flicking through the TV channels when I saw this programme on TV with this girl that caught my eye straight away. It was like love at first sight. Kind of pathetic, but I then felt she was the one, although reality was, I had no chance with her because of my hair loss.

I then developed some infatuation with her starting to google her name find out about her, and feeling sunk inside. The feeling you get when you can't the girl you desperatly fancy.

The thing is, what hurts the most is I know for a fact that if I had normal hair, I would stand a chance with someone like that, and this is why I find it hard to stomach and accept, almost on a daily basis.

I can’t believe how this has silently killing my life and chances.

Basically, I need something to spark my life once again. Without hair, I just don’t feel this is going to happen. I am always going to be trapped in this confused and uncertain state I am in a present.

With regard to my hair, I am sick of it. Just sick of this now. I personally have wasted and underachieved for a good 3 or 4 years, stuck in the confused and uncertain state I am in. I’m not getting any younger and time is passing me by.

Soon, I might have to make some desperate, but rational decisions.

The emptiness hurts the most. Like I say above, I feel insignificant. The spark I once had has long gone and I just feel regular and basic. A far cry from how I once felt.

The good thing about my life is my conscious is 100% clear. I've never done anything that has broken the law. I have nothing etched in my mind that I’ll look back on and say 'Damn, I wish I wouldn't have robbed that store' for example.

I feel I am now facing a big clock - counting down 4.5 years before I am 30. Basically, I have this amount of time to make an impact of some kind.

But I feel am getting no where fast, and I have no idea what to do.

None at all.

 

[chewbaca]

Hi i am 24 this year, And actually this feeling of emptness has been on and off for me. It started way back in my teens in the early 90s. But i dismissed it as an effect of puberty which may have played a part. Was cnstantly worried about looks. see ing my face and adjusting my hair in the mirror every chance i could get

Then in my late teens i never felt empty as i fell in love with 2 girls which neve rmateriliased but was nevertheless happy to had the experience , was in college and life was lively and fast paced. It was during this time that my facial features, hair all took on a drastically improved appearance. So The emptiness was gone for a while but returned here and there for some reasons., then after college i entered the army as compulsory in my country to serve for 2 years. It was this time temple loss occured They gave me a kru cut and i was not worried about hair but rather concntrating on surviing in the army environment. During this time it was fear and paranoia controlling me and not hair loss.....but when i returned tot he real world at age 24,The same emptiness returned again, maybe it was post army syndome? could have played a small part.

But now rather it is on and off....depending on the environment people ect.

 

[Stabber]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Nice to know I'm not alone.

Gunner: I've followed your posts since early '03 and I think we may be lost brothers. You hit the nail on the on the head with your reply, (especially the first and last paragraphs). That's exactly how I feel and exactly how I would describe it. I too also feel my heart sink when I see a girl I feel is "the one" . Maybe the old me was good enough to get her, not the current...existing me...It's a sickening feeling, hopelessness and helplessness

As Tom from Radiohead put it "I'm not living, I'm just killing time."
That's exactly what I've been doing since I started losing hair a few years ago. I've also watched the natural aging process start it's beginning signs on my face. I'm so insecure it's not even funny. Sometimes I don't even realize how insecure I am. I'm also bitter, because I know if things were they way they used to be, I would be much happier. I feel like something terrible happened to me, and no one else around me can feel it. Hard to explain...

 

[noorur]

Stabber, you’ve summed my situation up more or less to a tee. This is exactly the way I feel. The changes you’ve described have coincided with my hair loss.

It's like 'emptiness'. All the life that was once in me has now (more or less) gone. Things are boring, dull and I just feel insignificant these days. These last 2 weeks, it has hit me that time is ticking away.

I’m the same age as you - in 6 months I’ll be 26 and I still have nothing together with regards to getting a girlfriend a settling down, like you mention.

Personally, I would never get desperate with regards to this, but I would like to have had a good stable relationship behind me before 28 years of age. Sadly, with all my psychological problems caused my hair loss it’s kind of changed or altered my life plan for the worst, making this difficult.

Two weeks ago the most oddest thing happened to me. I was just casually flicking through the TV channels when I saw this programme on TV with this girl that caught my eye straight away. It was like love at first sight. Kind of pathetic, but I then felt she was the one, although reality was, I had no chance with her because of my hair loss.

I then developed some infatuation with her starting to google her name find out about her, and feeling sunk inside. The feeling you get when you can't the girl you desperatly fancy.

The thing is, what hurts the most is I know for a fact that if I had normal hair, I would stand a chance with someone like that, and this is why I find it hard to stomach and accept, almost on a daily basis.

I can’t believe how this has silently killing my life and chances.

Basically, I need something to spark my life once again. Without hair, I just don’t feel this is going to happen. I am always going to be trapped in this confused and uncertain state I am in a present.

With regard to my hair, I am sick of it. Just sick of this now. I personally have wasted and underachieved for a good 3 or 4 years, stuck in the confused and uncertain state I am in. I’m not getting any younger and time is passing me by.

Soon, I might have to make some desperate, but rational decisions.

The emptiness hurts the most. Like I say above, I feel insignificant. The spark I once had has long gone and I just feel regular and basic. A far cry from how I once felt.

The good thing about my life is my conscious is 100% clear. I've never done anything that has broken the law. I have nothing etched in my mind that I’ll look back on and say 'Damn, I wish I wouldn't have robbed that store' for example.

I feel I am now facing a big clock - counting down 4.5 years before I am 30. Basically, I have this amount of time to make an impact of some kind.

But I feel am getting no where fast, and I have no idea what to do.

None at all.

i feel absolutely the same way. i more or less luv this girl that i know, but i know that I have absolutely no chance in getting her, with a receeding hairl and a baldpatch. What kills me is that fact that I know that I will never have her because of my hair situation. What will ultimately kill me emotionally is when she gets taken. I had this crush/obsession over her for the past 2 years now. I even feel as though my life is f**ked, because I cant even read a book without thinking about my hairloss every 5 seconds and I cant get on with life, and I am only 20 years old
I understand that most males bald at a later age, but why now ? why can't I postpone it til around mid 30s when I am settled and lived my live ?? hairloss definetely sucks

By the I am also an Arsenal supporter, I live near Wood Green area.

 

[20sometingtoo]

Well guys, for about a year I had the same exact feelings. I lost interest in life in general. I was bored, a little scared, and slept WAY too much. But the worst feeling of all was the loneliness (despite having lots of great friends) and the general feeling that my life had no significance. I was feeling particularly nihilistic. I felt like a dandilion floating aimlessly wherever the wind took me. It hurt and was a really dark time in my life.

But (and this is a big "But") I feel much better now. I feel like there is hope, theres a reason to live. Finding love, being drunk, smiling, laughing at a good joke, and helping others has never felt better. Given that I'm losing my hair now, and wasn't when I was feeling like crap makes me realize how much better I feel.
My advice is this:

Excerscise. I REALLY believe that it has a huge impact on a persons sense of well being. Excercise alot, run far, bike far, you'll get that nice "runners high" and things will seem right in the world.

Help others. It feels REALLY good to do a small part in helping others. Go donate a couple bucks to the Red Cross for Katrina victims.

Go somewhere new. Live in a different city, state, country for a few months. If you're feeling particularly down it probably wont be too pleasant an idea at first, but if you spend some time away it'll open your eyes and the world wont seem so vast and intimidating.

Watch sunrises. This sounds particularly "101 Ways To Help Yourself", but its true. When I was feeling terrible, the worst time of day was twilight. It felt like impending doom, death, etc. Sunsets had the opposite effect. The day is young and there is hope for what might come. Seriously.

Hope that helps.

 

[20sometingtoo]

Just thought of an even better analogy for how I felt and how you guys may be feeling now.

It's like you went to the greatest party in the world. Your family was there, your best friends were there, everyone was having the time of their lives. But.... You had to leave early. Everyone continued on without you, unaware that you had even left.

 

[amrod]

k guys i definetely hear what your saying and im not gonna try and be the prick who comes in all joy like "PICK YOURSELVES TOGETHER AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELVES"... i know what its like too. ive been in that boat for the past 5 years (i just turned 20)

i didnt give a f*** about anything... a mixture between problems with girls, low self esteem and hairloss from age 15 totally fucked my life which (i know its just an excuse for my own behavior) i think was probably a reason for me being a heavy alchohol and drug user for this period of my life. i didnt give a f*** if i died or not... i was sick of being color in the background while the cute girls i liked were being snatched up by pathetic losers - stuff like this just got the best of me. i didnt even feel like a human being.

but i think i am honestly turning it all around... im not gonna lie - alot of it does have to do with the fact that my treatment IS working (even though my hair still is still unsatisfactory) but at the end of the day one of the BIGGEST lessons ive had to learn is that...

if you arent happy with yourself single you still arent going to be happy with a girl. and believe me i learnt this the REAL hard way. you cant rely on external factors to control your own self esteem that makes u nothing more then a robot. you need to feel good about yourself from WITHIN (lol this really sounds like some hippie sh*t huh?) if you truly want to be happy in life.

another lesson i learnt was that no matter how special a girl appears to you... at the end of the day she IS STILL only human... putting a girl on a pedistal will only leed to failure... girls dont want a peasent that will idolise and worship them regardless of their behavior, they want an adult relationship with another human being.

i post so much cuz this has probably been one of the defining issues of my existance and why im the way i am today. 20sometingtoo gives some good advise worth taking.

so yeah basically... hairloss f*****g sucks, its catastrophic - i know! but at the end of the day you could be so much worse off (and i know that wont make u feel any better) but on the scale of things hair will only get you so far its still only a superficial factor i think the biggest changes need to come from within yourself for you to really prospor and achieve your goals...

heh that was a bit of a rant

 

[arcillis]

hey guyz,
I am a new poster here. Well, i think you guyz are my long lost brothers. Our thoughts and feelings are very very similar. What sucks though is that i am only 17 and my hair loss started a year ago. since i have noticed my hairloss(8 months ago) i just stopped giving a sh*t about myself. Girlz in my classes during high school said to me that i am really hot and bla bla, cuz i dressed pretty well and some what good looking but since this started i just totally stopped at everything. I quit my sports and martial arts classes, broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago. I just feel like my life is totally empty. Their havent been a single day where i didnt go online to search and learn about hairloss and its cure. My parents thought i was crazy since i was always talking about hairloss (which i eventually stopped 5 months ago, since i became really depressed about this situation). Even b4 hairloss i already had alot of problem in my life, cuz my dad always have fights (verbally) with my mom like everyday and that drove me nuts. My dad was a alcoholic until 4 months ago. Now he is sober. He is also a doctor so he told me not to take propecia cuz of its side effect, and its driving me nut cuz i have like 50 to 60 hair falling off while showering. On top of that i tried saw palmetto without telling my parents and its didnt work for sh*t. Eventually my mom found out and thought that i have prostatic problem which was untrue, and i told her that i wanted to cure my hairloss. During the last 9 months i literally gave up on life, and started to do really bad in high school, since i was a straight "A" student. I applied for colleges like NYU, Yales, and Rutgers, and got accepted to NYU and Rutgers, however i forget to apply for finantial aid cuz of all the sh*t going on in my life and now i am going to a community college. My parents blame me for that and it is somewhat true. Appart from all this sh*t happening, i started to stop socializing. Even b4 my hair loss started i had acne and its was mild b4 but cuz of all this stressing it really really bad now. My eating habits are fucked up now. I used to get looked at whenever a hot chick passed by, which doesnt happen anymore. My mom is somewhat concerned about me now since i go to college and come home and go to my room and sleep or stare at the wall and think. Well, my life is going down the drain and i cant help it. Anyways guyz i just want to ask people if i use Rogaine and propecia,(which i am going to get regardless of my dad's opinion) is the hair i am going to get back from rogaine is going to stay if i just stay on propecia afterward in like 6 or 7 months. Also, if you guyz suffered from sides of propecia, were any of them permenant. THANK YOU GUYZZZZ.

 

[Axon]

Though you may see a man standing in front of you when you speak to me, and though you may take my hand and feel flesh gripping yours....I simply am not there.

 

[noorur]

Just thought of an even better analogy for how I felt and how you guys may be feeling now.

It's like you went to the greatest party in the world. Your family was there, your best friends were there, everyone was having the time of their lives. But.... You had to leave early. Everyone continued on without you, unaware that you had even left.

thanks for that bit of info

would you mind me asking you where you are in the nowrood scale, and how long you been using hair for, and have you noticed improvements on your regime ?
i am also using the lasercomb, finasteride 1.25mg and revivogen.

thanks alot

 

[mark16v]

thought I might aswell say, that the amount of ugly, pig faced, and bald guys i've seen, with fine *** ladies is nuts.

don't worry about it. bite the bullet and carry on. don't let your life be ruled by some strands of hair.

when you meet people, you don't judge them on how much hair they have, and any decent woman with feelings wouldn't judge you in the same manner either, she would however judge you on your confidence and for being who you are.

I wish my advice was easy for myself to take, I don't have much of a problem yet but i'm heading that way, and for the record I lost my wife with a healthy head of hair (we split up and have a daughter) and now I'm looking again, I don't think a head of hair makes a difference some women prefer bald guys.

All the women still with their bald husbands are not with them because they don't want to be.

Best of luck, try doing things that make you happy, hell get a custom wig if it bugs you that much, don't let it consume you consume it !!

 

[amrod]

arcillis get on the treatment as soon as u can

i went through the exact same thing as u... even earlier at age 15 actually

i wish i had started earlier on the treatment but i waited till i was 19 - mostly cuz i was in f*****g denial about it and it didnt help having my parents telling me ridiculous crap that it was all in my head etc

at the end of the day when it comes to sh*t as important as this u gotta make the decisions urself

personally ive had some good regrowth on propecia and minoxidil but there has definetely been damage to my sex drive - however i deem it as a worth it for the hair

 

[noorur]

i also began losing hair at the age of 15, and i also began to do something about it when i was 19. i too was in denial for the first 4 years of hairloss. when my hairloss got worse, thats when that denial stopped and I realised that I was balding

 

[Stabber]

k guys i definetely hear what your saying and im not gonna try and be the prick who comes in all joy like "PICK YOURSELVES TOGETHER AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELVES"... i know what its like too. ive been in that boat for the past 5 years (i just turned 20)

i didnt give a f*** about anything... a mixture between problems with girls, low self esteem and hairloss from age 15 totally fucked my life which (i know its just an excuse for my own behavior) i think was probably a reason for me being a heavy alchohol and drug user for this period of my life. i didnt give a f*** if i died or not... i was sick of being color in the background while the cute girls i liked were being snatched up by pathetic losers - stuff like this just got the best of me. i didnt even feel like a human being.

but i think i am honestly turning it all around... im not gonna lie - alot of it does have to do with the fact that my treatment IS working (even though my hair still is still unsatisfactory) but at the end of the day one of the BIGGEST lessons ive had to learn is that...

if you arent happy with yourself single you still arent going to be happy with a girl. and believe me i learnt this the REAL hard way. you cant rely on external factors to control your own self esteem that makes u nothing more then a robot. you need to feel good about yourself from WITHIN (lol this really sounds like some hippie $#iT huh?) if you truly want to be happy in life.

another lesson i learnt was that no matter how special a girl appears to you... at the end of the day she IS STILL only human... putting a girl on a pedistal will only leed to failure... girls dont want a peasent that will idolise and worship them regardless of their behavior, they want an adult relationship with another human being.

i post so much cuz this has probably been one of the defining issues of my existance and why im the way i am today. 20sometingtoo gives some good advise worth taking.

so yeah basically... hairloss f****ing sucks, its catastrophic - i know! but at the end of the day you could be so much worse off (and i know that wont make u feel any better) but on the scale of things hair will only get you so far its still only a superficial factor i think the biggest changes need to come from within yourself for you to really prospor and achieve your goals...

heh that was a bit of a rant

Most of us have already been through that bro. Trust me, it's a cycle. You may feel good for a little while, but it will always return. Hairloss/aging is a dark cloud that will always follow us, despite a few days when the sun may peer through. Not trying to depress you, just trying to prepare you. I went through a time (short time) when I actually felt good about myself. But the whole time it felt like a thin mucus lining acting as a facade. It was foggy and I knew deep down I wasn't being true.

You are right when you say you should be happy with yourself, and not to look for girls for happiness. But let's not forget we're genetically programmed to want to be with the opposite sex. No matter how hard you fight it, you will not be a complete person. It's just the way it is....if this wasn't true, we wouldnt have libidos that drove us to reproduce. In a sense, we are slaves to our human nature.

I think the hardest thing for all of us to fathom, is that things are only going to get worst as time goes by. This isn't just a passing moment we have to suffer through. I fear the day I go completely bald. I'm going to be repulsive. I'm tall and skinny. I tried working out with weights, and even my friends say I dont have the body to "bulk" up on. So I can't even resort to my last resort: Being a muscular looking bald guy

This sh*t has changed me into a dark person moreso than I used to be. I don't want to live a meaninless life......

 

[mark16v]

it won't be meaningless.

 

[arcillis]

Well, guyz, i have decided to get on Rogaine 5% Extra Strenght today, and since i dont want to get the sides (unwanted body hair) so i will use it once a day at night. I am thinking of getting propecia next week or so. Also i have started to take Zinc and Mutlivitamin supplements. The Zinc supplement 50 mg is from nature's bounty and composed of Zinc Gluconate, is it the right one? Also, do you guyz advise me to put Rogaine on once a day or should i go with the original 2 time a day? Thanks guyz i would appreciate any advice. I will try to post some pics soon.