girlfriend
New Member
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Hi!
Girlfriend looking for some advice!
- Thread starter girlfriend
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Girlfriend;
You deserve a huge round of applause from everyone in the balding community. I've seen women with a complete opposite mindset ready to dump the poor guy over his hair because they said 'but I'm too young to be dating someone with hair issues'. Seriously, its a breathe of fresh air to see someone GENUINELY be into someone rather than just their hair. For that, I and on behalf of everyone else; THANK YOU.
Now, about your guy. You first have to realize that losing your hair is basically losing your IDENTITY. It's what makes us, US. But it goes much further than that. As you know, society at the very least frowns upon baldness, often humiliating, consequently being a socially crippling condition. You have to put yourself in his shoes; how would you feel if you had your hair slowly disappear over a few years time with the knowledge that it would ultimately be all gone no matter what treatments you used? You couldnt style it, you'd never see a need to flip through magazines with hair styles, you couldnt wash it, colour it, cut it, run your fingers through it... you'd end up looking like a chemo patient, men would give you odd stares, other women could potentially laugh at you (my female coworker has laughed at a balding woman), you'd essentially be disadvantaged at every single social outting. You *have* to see that community is a basic human need and that in itself would be largely taken away from you. It has for myself. On top of that, a receding hairline will decimate the frame of your face... you struggle daily to cope with it, desperate for a way out and desperate for a way for people to disregard it but that will NEVER happen. You may not have a problem with it... but a lot of other people will and will peg you at the bottom of the totem pole. As much of a part you play in his life, you are not the only part in it. And this is how I feel... a social bottomfeed because of baldness. Any day I go out into public I feel like 'great... everyone else with a nice head of hair except me... I have to be dealt this ****ty card... I have to the social reject, no woman is going to give me a look when theres another guy with an ocean of hair'. Its really difficult when youre single.... confidence is shot, self esteem drops, motivation to do anything meaningful diminishes as all you strive for is physical appearance that is deemed NORMAL by society.
Baldness really is an incredibly difficult thing to overcome given how long it takes to finally rob you of all the hair in your crown, temples, vertex etc. For many of us, it is on our minds for the majority of the time.
Fred, another member on the forum here once mentioned with a brilliant analogy:
This is what most people who are privileged to have hair don't understand. They'll NEVER know how depressing and devastating it is to be in our state. You'd have to shave your head in a horseshoe pattern and try to go out in the real world and see how your treated... but you wouldnt know what its like because WE know for us its until we die, doing such an experiment for you would only be a minor temporary setback.
You deserve a huge round of applause from everyone in the balding community. I've seen women with a complete opposite mindset ready to dump the poor guy over his hair because they said 'but I'm too young to be dating someone with hair issues'. Seriously, its a breathe of fresh air to see someone GENUINELY be into someone rather than just their hair. For that, I and on behalf of everyone else; THANK YOU.
Now, about your guy. You first have to realize that losing your hair is basically losing your IDENTITY. It's what makes us, US. But it goes much further than that. As you know, society at the very least frowns upon baldness, often humiliating, consequently being a socially crippling condition. You have to put yourself in his shoes; how would you feel if you had your hair slowly disappear over a few years time with the knowledge that it would ultimately be all gone no matter what treatments you used? You couldnt style it, you'd never see a need to flip through magazines with hair styles, you couldnt wash it, colour it, cut it, run your fingers through it... you'd end up looking like a chemo patient, men would give you odd stares, other women could potentially laugh at you (my female coworker has laughed at a balding woman), you'd essentially be disadvantaged at every single social outting. You *have* to see that community is a basic human need and that in itself would be largely taken away from you. It has for myself. On top of that, a receding hairline will decimate the frame of your face... you struggle daily to cope with it, desperate for a way out and desperate for a way for people to disregard it but that will NEVER happen. You may not have a problem with it... but a lot of other people will and will peg you at the bottom of the totem pole. As much of a part you play in his life, you are not the only part in it. And this is how I feel... a social bottomfeed because of baldness. Any day I go out into public I feel like 'great... everyone else with a nice head of hair except me... I have to be dealt this ****ty card... I have to the social reject, no woman is going to give me a look when theres another guy with an ocean of hair'. Its really difficult when youre single.... confidence is shot, self esteem drops, motivation to do anything meaningful diminishes as all you strive for is physical appearance that is deemed NORMAL by society.
Baldness really is an incredibly difficult thing to overcome given how long it takes to finally rob you of all the hair in your crown, temples, vertex etc. For many of us, it is on our minds for the majority of the time.
Fred, another member on the forum here once mentioned with a brilliant analogy:
This is what most people who are privileged to have hair don't understand. They'll NEVER know how depressing and devastating it is to be in our state. You'd have to shave your head in a horseshoe pattern and try to go out in the real world and see how your treated... but you wouldnt know what its like because WE know for us its until we die, doing such an experiment for you would only be a minor temporary setback.
- Reaction score
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Msp to me is not viable.
Who cares about concealer as it's just the same as makeup.
Don't ever try to make him feel better when he complains about his hair or try to reassure him you don't care because it will honestly just make him feel like you're condenscendng him. Instead just say " okay what are your options" and try to work out something, that will instead let him know you understand instead of just pity.
Had a transplant at 19???? Who would even do that as a doctor?
Had he tried finasteride? Be aware of possible sides though.
Instead of pigmentation to reduce the scar try derma rolling it or talk to someone who does scar removal....
Don't let him know you read his email and never do that again, you may read something and misconstrue it. Women just never understand that.
If you want to make your knowledge of his scar open just rub the hair in the back of his head from behind and then act like you just saw it, then go from there.
Just my two cents
Who cares about concealer as it's just the same as makeup.
Don't ever try to make him feel better when he complains about his hair or try to reassure him you don't care because it will honestly just make him feel like you're condenscendng him. Instead just say " okay what are your options" and try to work out something, that will instead let him know you understand instead of just pity.
Had a transplant at 19???? Who would even do that as a doctor?
Had he tried finasteride? Be aware of possible sides though.
Instead of pigmentation to reduce the scar try derma rolling it or talk to someone who does scar removal....
Don't let him know you read his email and never do that again, you may read something and misconstrue it. Women just never understand that.
If you want to make your knowledge of his scar open just rub the hair in the back of his head from behind and then act like you just saw it, then go from there.
Just my two cents
I.D WALKER
Senior Member
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- 868
No matter how sincere or justifiable you think your reasons are; your intuition should tell you it is a mistake to impose your personal ideas about hair loss onto him. Unless you wish to trespass on clearly sensitive territory you probably need to gently step away from it. You are his friend after all and as a friend all that is required is respect and support. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and jurisprudence motions to leave this tender moment alone. He is lucky to have someone so caring and special. Thanx for sharing and all the best.:sun:
Haha! Nice one, Fred. Made me laugh:woot:
- Reaction score
- 2,634
LOL! Typical woman.
Due to hair loss? I wouldn't blame her. Too many guys with full heads of hair to settle for a bald guy.
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- 2,634
Yeah just like there is an overwhelming number of women with full heads of hair to settle for a bald girl.
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- 5,624
hahahaha good one
kingdomforhair
Member
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- 19
If this woman is not attracted to bald men then she should break up with her boyfriend. It's not a "mistake", as you put it, to have have preferences and voice them, even if it means it hurts your partner's feelings. You only have one life, you should NEVER settle for less than you want, not when it comes to a thing like hair loss. Most men have great hairlines well into their 30s and 40s, there's no need to settle on this one.
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- 29
Man if she can't deal with something like hair loss ON HER BOYFRIEND, she's probably saving the dude many years of nonsense anyways.
Who is their right minds would want to be with someone that can't accept that on their partner ?
So what he's losing his hair, in 10-20 years after a few kids i'm sure she's not going to be in tip-top shape either..
This world is turning into a ****ed up place, I blame Justin Bieber
Who is their right minds would want to be with someone that can't accept that on their partner ?
So what he's losing his hair, in 10-20 years after a few kids i'm sure she's not going to be in tip-top shape either..
This world is turning into a ****ed up place, I blame Justin Bieber
kingdomforhair
Member
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The difference is it's not twenty years time. It's NOW. What matters is NOW.She is young and wants a young hot partner. It's only fair right? You are not going to settle for some obese pig NOW because in 50 years time you will be an old man with wrinkles.
Primo
Experienced Member
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- 104
There's no need for women to settle for many perceived physical and social flaws... ( namely average sized penis, average non-muscular build, average height, average looking face, average job, average earnings etc)... yet they do all the time!
Men put 1 000 000 x more stigma on baldness than women do. Obviously it does negatively effect how we look, but not nearly as bad as we imagine in our minds.
Just as women are always the first to call each other out for the most minor of physical flaws and imperfections (that most men would not notice or ot really care about), the same goes for men with hairloss, in my experience it is only men who ever give me any sh*t in public about hairloss.
We are our own harshest critics about ourselves and other fellow men too.
The rest of the package I present to women is more than attractive enough for them to see past my one ONE physical flaw of baldness.
I also believe the way you project yourself makes an ENORMOUS difference, whatever your hairstyle. grown out balding hair or buzzed/shaved, if you're constantly down on yourself (as most people seem to be on this forum) and as a consequence project those classic loser vibes of insecurity, lack of confidence and looking uncomfortable in your own skin, it will draw 1 000 000 X MORE NEGATIVE ATTENTION towards the fact that you're bald/balding and women find this kind of body language and aura extremely unattractive, un-masculine and actually quite repulsive.
- Reaction score
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^ couldn't agree with more above post.
In a Psych class I learned that less than 15% of language is verbal, most of the rest is body language etc..
Most guys who are down about it just need to get a pump, tan and start worrying about the stuff they CAN change.
I work at a country club and whenever I buzz my hair, almost all of the older women who are members there say they love it and even some of the young servers.
I truly believe in self-fulling prophesies and if you are certain that NO girl is going to like the fact that you're losing hair, no girl will.
Everyday i'm out I just observe people, and I've seen some of the ugliest guys ever walking around with dimes and never really understood how they did it.
CONFIDENCE... only a boy worries about the things that he doesn't have control over; a man capitalizes and works with what he has.
In a Psych class I learned that less than 15% of language is verbal, most of the rest is body language etc..
Most guys who are down about it just need to get a pump, tan and start worrying about the stuff they CAN change.
I work at a country club and whenever I buzz my hair, almost all of the older women who are members there say they love it and even some of the young servers.
I truly believe in self-fulling prophesies and if you are certain that NO girl is going to like the fact that you're losing hair, no girl will.
Everyday i'm out I just observe people, and I've seen some of the ugliest guys ever walking around with dimes and never really understood how they did it.
CONFIDENCE... only a boy worries about the things that he doesn't have control over; a man capitalizes and works with what he has.
I.D WALKER
Senior Member
- Reaction score
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I was talking about the unwelcomed consequences that often happen when a spouse or other romantic interest treads into any specific area of their partner life that is clearly off limits." Mistake" may have been a bit strong however I would not want my girl friend or other raiding my personal belongings without my prior knowledge and then commence to quantify it as some well meant gesture on my behalf. The more I think about it the more I believe if anyone deserved being dumped I don't believe it should have been the bald one.
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I'm with you Primo and Digit. Bald or not this is the mindset or attitude pretty much all men aspire toward. If we could find a cure for low self esteem I suspect many of us would no longer labour so obsessively over our own hair loss issue. I would even go so far as to forecast that many of us might no longer give it a second thought. This is not to suggest that all bald men lack confidence.
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I'm with you Primo and Digit. Bald or not this is the mindset or attitude pretty much all men aspire toward. If we could find a cure for low self esteem I suspect many of us would no longer labour so obsessively over our own hair loss issue. I would even go so far as to forecast that many of us might no longer give it a second thought. This is not to suggest that all bald men lack confidence.