Guys I need support.

[jeffsss]

:cry:

I don't want to make people feel sorry for me but I really need support right now......

While the Holidays to most is the most joyous occation of gift giving, family visiting etc... It's not the case for me.

I'm 26 years old. I lost my Mother when was 10 and my father when I was 19.

Grandparents of both sides have passed away as well...

the only one in the world who gives me support is my girlfriend. She is with her family this Thanksgiving.. and I couldnt go because of work.. I almost brokedown when she left.
although I want to marry this girl I think our relationship is going south :cry: I havent acted like myself the last 3 months because of my hairloss. she doesnt seem to love/care about me as much as she used to.
she doesnt call or visit me at my work anymore.

I'm terrified. She is litterally all i have left to love on this earth and I would do ANYTHING for her.

I always have a knot in my thoat durring the day.. no matter what.

I've been on zoloft for a while now and it's not helping me like it should...

I hate to be a burdon to anyone but I don't know what i'm going to do.. my life will be ruined wihout her. I can't sleep at night even when i take sleeping aides...

I'm totally fucked.......... I'm sitting here by myself on thanksgiving day just crying. I've even had suicidal thoughts!@? I have anxiety, depression etc........

I simply cannot believe that this is happening to me...........

 

[mattj]

I don't know you or your girlfriend, but I know human nature and there's a good chance that I'm right when I say that your girlfriend's probably more bothered by your mood than your hairloss.

 

[Private Ryan]

i understand how you feel. it must be a terrible feeling. sorry about the part on losing the one you love.

i gone through the same period as yours. there are time when i feel really terrible due to hair loss and waking up everyday hoping it just a nightmare but it not.
i think many of the brothers here experience the same thing. feeling shameful infront of others, thought of dying, feeling worthless etc.

one day, i was feeling really down so i sent an email to Mr Clarence Bass. he is a bodybuilder and fitness guru. i always read his articles and he such a great character. below is the link to his webstie. as you can see, from his pictures, he quite bald even when he is young. so i asked him how did he handle the emotional pain. http://www.cbass.com/
he reply that balding have never really affected him. he advice me not to worry about things that i have no control and try to make my life happy. people who go with the flow is more happy and confidence then people who keep trying to hide their baldness and end up looking more insecure.

his words somehow wake me up and i worked toward that direction. nowaday, i am more confidence and feel alot more happy. i still continue my fight against hair loss but worry less about the result and more on the process. of course, i still feel uncomfortable showing the balding part of my head and try to hide it here and then but i am able to be myself most of the time. still working on it. i will reach there.

i believe your gf will like that confidence in you. work hard to get it back.

 

[jeffsss]

I don't see how I will ever get confidence back.. (mood)

I feel soo helpless. and there is nothing i can do.

Yes i've seen 5 doctors because of hair loss.
2 dermatologist
1 general Doctor (full physical and bloodwork)
1 hair transplant doctor
1 therapist

I'm absolutely losing my mind. I can't eat, sleep, work correctly.
I can't enjoy myself.
I'm on zoloft for depression..

I've probabaly spent $1000 in the past few months over it...
doctor visits.. perscriptions.. viitmins...foods...books..

and i hate to talk about it.. but if i lose my girlfriend, i really have nothing to live for.

 

[hairwegoagain]

JeffSSS, MattJ is completely correct. It is doubtful that your GF has reduced the attention towards you because of your hair. It's very likely, like he said, your mood. Whether it's conscious or not, I imagine you're not that fun to be around when you're in this kind of funk. She probably doesn't know what to do. Whether you know it or not, you're probably so wound up worrying about your hair that you don't concentrate on HER when you're together, choosing to be self-conscious and detached instead.

Now I'm not saying that your current girlfriend is "the one." She may or may not be. Goodness sakes I kissed a lot of frogs before finding mine. Don't act out of desperation. If for some reason it doesn't work out between you both, my friend, there are literally tens of thousands of others in your geography. The worst thing you can do is pick someone out of desperation because you think your male pattern baldness will prevent you from finding someone else. That's total BS. You don't know pure hell until you find yourself with the wrong person down the road.

Now, stop this foolish talk about suicide. Seriously. You are giving this hairloss thing an inordinate, unnatural amount of thought. My friend, there are a lot of guys out there with the same problem. Everyone on this board, plus about 50 million+ more in the US. That's a lot. You're not alone...but you simply have to get your mind on something else. When you look at yourself in the mirror, I'm guessing it's as if it you're looking in a funny house mirror. The "flaws" you see are highly distorted in YOUR mind. Others don't see it like you do. This is not a life-threatening condition, nor does it prevent you from living a normal life. In fact, male pattern baldness IS normal - most guys eventually show signs of it. So what if your condition (as many here) has manifested itself a little earlier than you'd like? That just means you won't be in your 40s or 50s, realize you're losing your hair, and have a mid-life crisis. You'll see some of your friends go through that so consider yourself lucky in that respect. Also, you're doing something about your condition. Some guys don't give it a second thought and just let it go. They live pefectly normal lives with girlfriends, wives, children, white picket fence, etc...

This is not the end of the world...NOT EVEN CLOSE. Just wait until you have a sick child (which you will at some point) and you'll know what stress and worry is about. Now, seriously....take today for YOU and pull out of this funk. Stop being so hard on yourself. Do something that interests you but stop worrying about your hair. You are taking action and that's what counts. When your girlfriend gets back, plan a nice evening with her over the weekend and leave your hair worries at home. Act like you did when you first met her. That is, if you want to continue dating her. If not, go find another. Your male pattern baldness is not going to stop you from doing that - trust me!

Now, go put a spit polish on that crotch rocket and give yourself a break. You deserve it. Your worst enemy is not the male pattern baldness...it's an exagerated sense of self-defeat that YOU'VE manufactured in your own head.

 

[The Gardener]

I think you need to see a therapist, and continue to see one. You have mentioned that you saw one, but, it sounds like this therapist was not effective in helping you get your perspective realigned. If that is the case, then you need to switch therapists, and continue to switch therapists, until you find one that you click with.

Therapists are like hair stylists, you need to keep looking until you find one that has the right impact for you. You have to be proactive about it, and when you tell the therapist "I'm sorry to say this, but, I want to change and see someone else", they will completely understand.

Now, I would NOT imply that you aren't or shouldn't feel what you say you are feeling. I believe you. But, you need to consider the possibility that your perspective is wrong. The human brain has a tendency to do this when faced with anxiety. You will reach a point, perhaps with therapy, or perhaps with time, when you wake up and realize that your emotional reaction was an over-reaction and things are not as bad as they seemed.

Not sure what your lifestyle habits are, but if you are feeling like you say you are, I highly suggest that you avoid drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a well-documented mood suppressant.

 

[jeffsss]

I wish i had the motivation to even leave my house......

I havent even looked outside yet. It's thanksgiving day.. people all over the world are having the best time and i'm here in my room. crying.. i'm f*****g miserable.
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. she's so nice and beautiful, comes from a nice family. I will never be able to get somone like this again.
My biggest probelem i think is i think worst case scenerio.

I don't think i'll ever be happy again. I don't want to put my girlfriend though this.. worst of all is lately i've been drinking to rid of my woes..

i'm really sorry that you guys even have to deal with reading what I type.. it's not your problem. it's mine.

I have no one to turn to, no one to even talk to on the phone.. I'm making myself and those around me miserable...

doomed..... what do i have to look forward to???????? :cry:

 

[cook'n'milkies]

jeff,

Man, I really feel for you. You need to look at the things you do have. You have a girl who loves you and probably not for your hair. If you allow your insecurities about you hair destroy your relationship then not only will you be alone but you'll have to deal with that regret, which will be immense. You should at least take comfort in the fact that you have her support.

I'm in the same boat, my hairloss has really accelerated in the past months and i'm single. I have very little hope for the future. This thing is tough. My only advice is to not take the things you do have for granted. I would kill for someone who loves me to support me. God bless, and good luck.

 

[The Gardener]

Dude, drinking when you are feeling like you are is like putting fuel on a fire.

Your girlfriend told you that she loves you, right? And she DID invite you to have turkey day with her, right? The reason why you aren't having a Thanksgiving with her is NOT because she doesn't love you, it is because of your work! So, if it weren't for that, you would be having a traditional Thanksgiving.

Thinking "worst case" is a habit that people can get into. A bad habit. You are alive and vital and you have power to take action in your life and right these wrongs! Instead of being the type who thinks that life is something that "happens" to you, try to get more in the mindset that life is something that you are an active participant in, and you can influence it through your actions. I know you are feeling a lot of pain and anxiety, and I am sorry you are going through that. Sometimes pain is the motivator that gets people to make positive changes. Don't give up, you still have power!

 

[jeffsss]

thank you guys soo much from the bottom of my heart.........

this is probabaly the worst i've been in a very long time........

I've litterally been crying all morning.. I'm a complete basket case.. I looked in the mirror and nearly fainted, between my hair loss and crying, my eyes are swelled up.. my face is red. hair missing allover.. I didnt even recognize myself and litterlaly got dizzy and almost fainted on my bed.

I can't take it anymore......... people at work saying stupid f*****g asshold comments..

I don't see this day gettnig any better for me. I took another 50mg of zoloft...... I can't believe what's happeneing to me.. it's like a nightmare......

 

[The Gardener]

Make something of this day. You have a free day in front of you with which you can either waste it at home, or perhaps use it to do something different. Take a shower and get yourself cleaned up. I am not sure where you live, but, if you live in a city, look in the yellow pages for the number to a homeless shelter... or perhaps a senior center? Call 'em up, tell them that your girlfriend is out of town and as such you don't have any turkey day plans, and then ask if they need any help today.

You'll be around a bunch of people who don't give a damn about your hairline, and will be very much glad to see you. Plus, you'll be doing something productive. Now, I know it is a crazy suggestion and something that most people would not have the initiative to do, but perhaps today is calling you to do something crazy and different? If you did it, I bet you a franklin that when you come back home, you'll be feeling 200% better and more connected to society... and reality!

OR, if not that, then why don't you use the day to do something that you want to do for yourself? Go take a bike ride around town, or perhaps to the next town over?

 

[raikkonen]

1st i'm sorry to hear that you've lost ur parents at a young age do you have siblings? just take it easy no one's said that life is always fair. you may have bigger problems than we have but we all have one in common & thats this f***kng male pattern baldness, 1st i don't think your gf leaves you because of your hairloss she's been with you for 5yrs just take another shot why not court her again maybe that would work, lastly i would recommend a hypnotherapist this will get rid of your anxiety & deppression. what about your friends? maybe they can help you cope at this moment good luck..

 

[jeffsss]

1st i'm sorry to hear that you've lose ur parents at a young age do you have siblings? just take it easy no one's said that life is always fair. you may have bigger problems than we have but we all have one in common & thats this f***kng male pattern baldness, 1st i don't think your gf leaves you because of your hairloss she's been with you for 5yrs just take another shot why not court her again maybe that would work, lastly i would recommend a hypnotherapist this will get rid of your anxiety & deppression. what about your friends? maybe they can help you cope at this moment good luck..

I have one older sibling who lives in another state, since my dad's passing, we havent really spoken too much. She has her own family now.

I don't want to get my friends involved with my depression. I feel like a coward.

i'm miserable.. damn.....

 

[DragonLord]

dude we are all your friends
aren't we guys?

 

[Petchsky]

and i hate to talk about it.. but if i lose my girlfriend, i really have nothing to live for.

If you hold on to tight, you have already lost it.

 

[Guest]

My Heart goes out for you BUT just hang in there. From what you ve posted before your condition is not that bad so just RELAX.... try to get your focus off this .. From personal experince its easier said than done i know ..but dont let that dominate your youth.. this is something most men deal with at some point in their lives the unlucky ones have to deal with it early on... and Trust me on this..... when you are 55 years old and look back you ll feel sorry for yourself wasting your energy thinking bout this rather than doing something useful/fun when in your 20s... so just take a deep breath follow whatever regimen you can to fight it out and leave the rest to destiny BUT Please enjoy whatever ur blessed with.... one more thing and I know I am no one to advice you on this but try to get off that zoloft drug.. u never know what sideeffects it might cause in the future.. just keep a strong mind. Iv been through a brief phase of depression for other things when 22 but I got out of it with out any drugs and I bet u can too...try meditation it works but again give it time..

 

[jeffsss]

My Heart goes out for you BUT just hang in there. From what you ve posted before your condition is not that bad so just RELAX.... try to get your focus off this .. From personal experince its easier said than done i know ..but dont let that dominate your youth.. this is something most men deal with at some point in their lives the unlucky ones have to deal with it early on... and Trust me on this..... when you are 55 years old and look back you ll feel sorry for yourself wasting your energy thinking bout this rather than doing something useful/fun when in your 20s... so just take a deep breath follow whatever regimen you can to fight it out and leave the rest to destiny BUT Please enjoy whatever ur blessed with.... one more thing and I know I am no one to advice you on this but try to get off that zoloft drug.. u never know what sideeffects it might cause in the future.. just keep a strong mind. Iv been through a brief phase of depression for other things when 22 but I got out of it with out any drugs and I bet u can too...try meditation it works but again give it time..

my hair is just as bad if not worse that yours.

the problem with my head is that it's too big. Yours looks a lot smaller.

Where i work i have to see the general public all the time.. I'm soo self concious lately I have a hard time doing my job.

as you can see.. I've spent this whole f*****g day on the internet/website.

i've absorbed soo much information about hairloss i think i'm going to explode.

God i hope and pray that propecia will kick in and at least give me a few years of dignity................

 

[Britannia]

Dude you just need to take a step back and have a long hard look at your life. You have a girlfriend. You have a job. You do have friends. You have hairloss, as do 18 million people in the UK (sorry dont know figures for the US). Your talking like youve lost your girlfriend, which you havent. Carry on with this way of thinking and you will lose her, is that what you want? Does she know how you really feel, or are you just bottling things up? Believe me, opening up about how you feel to your girlfriend is something you MUST do if you havent already. She is the one who could help you through this, but you must give her the chance. Most people go through times in their life when they feel they have nothing to live for. I felt exactly how you do, about 3 months ago when my fiance of 2 years finished with me and denied me any contact with my 2 step children (one of who I raised from birth). I know exactly how you feel, but you must start talking to people, posting your problems on here is a good start. And if you cant talk to your friends about your depression talk to them about something else! They are friends after all. Your going to be alright mate. Sometimes life is just a real b**ch.

 

[noorur]

it's life and it sucks

some of us are priveliged, born into well supported backgrounds, others are not.

some of us lose parents at a young age (i lost my father when i was 5)

some of us begin to lose hair at such a young age (i started when i was 15 )

 

[jeffsss]

well to get my mind off of things I went driving for a couple hours..

I feel like absolute garbage.

It used to be you could only see scalp when my hair was short and had gel in it, in certain lighting...

I took a look at my head in the rearview mirror and I see nothing good.
my hair is longer than it's ever been 3'' and you can see though it in the dark.

I'm absolutly miserable... my head is cloudy, i contstantly have a headache...

I wish i had enough money to retire and never leave the house.