big tymer,
i have the same problem. i don't lose too many hairs in the shower, but when styling i always have a handfull of hairs. recently though I've started using american crew revitalize spray. it is a copper peptide that greatly reduces any irritation on your scalp and aids in hair health and strength. however, it also has pretty good hold. after showering, i spritz it all over my head and then style my hair. when it dries it offers pretty decent hold. i like to be able to run my hands through my hair so i don't like gunky product, and this stuff lets me do that. also, i don't know if it is due to the silky texture of the product or the fact that it strengthens your hair, but i hardly get any hairs in my hands after styling.
for what it's worth.
regardless, i think a good copper peptide like american crew, tricomin, or folligen is a must for any hair regime.