Starting To Really Struggle With Hair Loss. How Do You Cope?

[doubleindemnity]

I've been living like this for years and things have been going from bad to worse. I feel like I will very soon be at the point at which I won't want to continue any more. Life as a bald guy really doesn't seem to be worth living. I am now at the point at which I feel like my feelings are completely normal and justified, and that ending everything would be the correct thing to do. But that's enough venting from me. I know that most of you must have it worse. I want to know how you cope and continue going after years of this, while knowing that there are countless more years of living like this?

 

[whatintheworld]

I have re-prioritized my life beyond the superficiality of most people. I focus on learning and personal development, and strive to be the best I can be each day. I suggest you start learning programming or some engineering discipline in your spare time, there are many online courses now that can serve as great references. I also don't go on social media anymore.

 

[doubleindemnity]

I have re-prioritized my life beyond the superficiality of most people. I focus on learning and personal development, and strive to be the best I can be each day. I suggest you start learning programming or some engineering discipline in your spare time, there are many online courses now that can serve as great references. I also don't go on social media anymore.

I've studied a lot of self development. I've done meditation, visualization etc. I use it all the time to stop stress getting the best of me. The problem is that I am now asking the question of what exactly I am developing myself towards. I thought that I was developing towards being a father who can co manage a family in the best way. But with hair loss, I've given up on that ideal so I don't see what I am developing for. Also I know programming already. I do it day to day in fact. How can that help somebody with hair loss?

 

[karatekid]

The only hope for me is that im going for hair transplant soon. Without it believe me I would be in much worse place then you
I dont know if its relevant to you or if u a candidate, but that just me

 

[swingline747]

I've studied a lot of self development. I've done meditation, visualization etc. I use it all the time to stop stress getting the best of me. The problem is that I am now asking the question of what exactly I am developing myself towards. I thought that I was developing towards being a father who can co manage a family in the best way. But with hair loss, I've given up on that ideal so I don't see what I am developing for. Also I know programming already. I do it day to day in fact. How can that help somebody with hair loss?

It's always the same shpeal, busy yourself. Can i ask seriously though. You want to be a dad, you talk about the literal odds that your life is not worth living, yet you would procreate and possibly have a son who could end up just like you? Are you banking it will be cured in his lifetime, cause I'm willing to bet it won't.
I'll never understand this because not only is it not going to be cured but the world is only going to become more superficial so you're just condemning him to even more hell than you.

 

[whatintheworld]

I've studied a lot of self development. I've done meditation, visualization etc. I use it all the time to stop stress getting the best of me. The problem is that I am now asking the question of what exactly I am developing myself towards. I thought that I was developing towards being a father who can co manage a family in the best way. But with hair loss, I've given up on that ideal so I don't see what I am developing for. Also I know programming already. I do it day to day in fact. How can that help somebody with hair loss?

Well let me ask you, do you think women are imperative to your happiness? You need to find fulfillment and happiness outside of women.

Also, a thing you have to consider is, a lot of people see baldness as a binary thing. At least I did before my hairloss started. Like, I only considered someone bald if they were a cue ball. Any norwood in between I thought was maybe just a haircut gone wrong. But a lot of women also look at these things the same way. Hair is just one piece of the puzzle, your face, body, societal status, income, occupation, personality all play a bigger role. I think you've let some negative experiences with women get to your head that you think your hairloss is the overriding factor of all these things.

But maybe it didn't work out for other reasons, and it is more likely to be personality than anything else. You seem like a pretty serious person, let me tell you something, women don't like very serious types. At least young, hot women. They don't like very complicated topics of conversation either. You need to be the energetic guy who is cracking jokes and making them laugh. If you aren't doing this, then that is likely what is causing your frustrations, not the hair on top of your head.

I strike out a lot with women. But I know it's my personality that's causing this and not other things. I'm a bit of a nerd and that's a big downside. I like technical, complicated topics. I don't really care about pop culture, movies, or anything "trendy". I have very little I can talk about with most people. So I'm working on this, but I know that this is the primary reason of my failures.

 

[Exodus2011]

Well let me ask you, do you think women are imperative to your happiness? You need to find fulfillment and happiness outside of women.

Also, a thing you have to consider is, a lot of people see baldness as a binary thing. At least I did before my hairloss started. Like, I only considered someone bald if they were a cue ball. Any norwood in between I thought was maybe just a haircut gone wrong. But a lot of women also look at these things the same way. Hair is just one piece of the puzzle, your face, body, societal status, income, occupation, personality all play a bigger role. I think you've let some negative experiences with women get to your head that you think your hairloss is the overriding factor of all these things.

But maybe it didn't work out for other reasons, and it is more likely to be personality than anything else. You seem like a pretty serious person, let me tell you something, women don't like very serious types. At least young, hot women. They don't like very complicated topics of conversation either. You need to be the energetic guy who is cracking jokes and making them laugh. If you aren't doing this, then that is likely what is causing your frustrations, not the hair on top of your head.

I strike out a lot with women. But I know it's my personality that's causing this and not other things. I'm a bit of a nerd and that's a big downside. I like technical, complicated topics. I don't really care about pop culture, movies, or anything "trendy". I have very little I can talk about with most people. So I'm working on this, but I know that this is the primary reason of my failures.

those are nerdy topics too. from what you described you sound a lot like me and it makes me feel like i can't relate to women. there aren't many truly nerdy women. theres women who fake being nerdy for attention (such as cosplayers) but truly nerdy autistic type girls are rare as f***, and are smothered in attention from other male aspie incel types. good luck trying to get one. but at the same time i could not stand a typical low iq normie girl. ugh.

and OP, what norwood were you again? IIRC you had a well paying job, why dont you get a hair transplant?

 

[karatekid]

It's always the same shpeal, busy yourself. Can i ask seriously though. You want to be a dad, you talk about the literal odds that your life is not worth living, yet you would procreate and possibly have a son who could end up just like you? Are you banking it will be cured in his lifetime, cause I'm willing to bet it won't.
I'll never understand this because not only is it not going to be cured but the world is only going to become more superficial so you're just condemning him to even more hell than you.

Couldnt agree more.

Sorry OP, it sounds really shitty and selfish thing to do, to bring a child to the world with a high chance he will suffer just like you or worse.

 

[swingline747]

those are nerdy topics too. from what you described you sound a lot like me and it makes me feel like i can't relate to women. there aren't many truly nerdy women. theres women who fake being nerdy for attention (such as cosplayers) but truly nerdy autistic type girls are rare as f***, and are smothered in attention from other male aspie incel types. good luck trying to get one. but at the same time i could not stand a typical low iq normie girl. ugh.

and OP, what norwood were you again? IIRC you had a well paying job, why dont you get a hair transplant?

Theres plenty of nerdy women, theres not a lot of HOT nerdy women. I think most of you guys are looking for the TV girl where the nerd gets some super hot cheerleader type.
Theres plenty of sites where techie people can meet (meet not hook up) but most of these girl might be on the "plumper" side among other things you guys eliminate from your specifications. Ive seen more demands on girls here than I have ever put myself even when I was younger lol. I think it might be a coping mech for some guys.

 

[Exodus2011]

Theres plenty of nerdy women, theres not a lot of HOT nerdy women. I think most of you guys are looking for the TV girl where the nerd gets some super hot cheerleader type.
Theres plenty of sites where techie people can meet (meet not hook up) but most of these girl might be on the "plumper" side among other things you guys eliminate from your specifications. Ive seen more demands on girls here than I have ever put myself even when I was younger lol. I think it might be a coping mech for some guys.

by nerdy i mean actually nerdy. not just have seen star wars a few times lol. and you're a normie , you have low standards

 

[justinbieberscombover]

Y'all think you are highly intellectual, deep, substantial, different, unique, "misunderstood", etc.. that's some teenage sh*t. Let me tell you something - you are absolutely not.

 

[genetically_cursed]

Y'all think you are highly intellectual, deep, substantial, different, unique, "misunderstood", etc.. that's some teenage sh*t. Let me tell you something - you are absolutely not.

natural cope of psychic to being ugly and inferior aesthetically

 

[whatintheworld]

Y'all think you are highly intellectual, deep, substantial, different, unique, "misunderstood", etc.. that's some teenage sh*t. Let me tell you something - you are absolutely not.

Never said I was, I just stated what my interests are.

Judging by your reading comprehension capabilities, you aren't really either.

 

[Exodus2011]

Never said I was, I just stated what my interests are.

Judging by your reading comprehension capabilities, you aren't really either.

yep. its not about being super smart but about being aspie and actually nerdy. nerdy for girls is just being into a few super mainstream "nerdy" things like marvel movies and star wars. what girl is into ambient microhouse or has encyclopedic knowledge of the terminator universe? thats i'm into, thats true nerdy aspieness (which i never said made me smarter despite it obviously being correlated with being smart)

i've only ever met only truly nerdy aspie girl . . . . and she "identified" as a guy lmao. and she wasn't attractive. not ugly by any means just quite mediocre looking. definitely smart and had a good personality though. shame.

and really guys like us actually ARE much more unique and different than average. that dude sounds like he is hating on ugly incel men as thats what aspies with obscure eclectic interests often are

 

[doubleindemnity]

Here's why I think that it's not a terrible thing to do if I have children.
-The child could be female.
-I have been very unlucky to have hair loss like this at my age. Most of us must know guys in their late twenties who are NW1 and have extreme NW7 relatives on both sides of their family. They are set to go NW7 too, in all likelihood, but they are set to keep their hair until age 32 onwards, say. This is almost acceptable, in my opinion and if a guy is in this situation, he has much less to complain about than guys like us who were NW6 by age 25.
-I realistically had a chance to settle down/get married etc. before my hair loss started. I had around 3-4 years from age 18 to do it. I am now finding out that I was badly socially inhibited and that this stems from bullying that I endured as a child. I'd make sure that a child I have is not bullied like this and is nurtured properly. So even if a child ends up exactly like me, he would have a better chance.

If I get a hair transplant, I'd probably be paying everything. It would be a body hair transplant and would cost (last time I checked) over 30k USD. And body hair transplants don't always look good. Many top surgeons have refused me because there is not enough donor on my head to cover the NW6. So I just have a few options, mostly high price. I've just had enough of it all though. I want things to go well for me in the next few months or I want it to be over. After 2-3 years of this, I don't think I have the patience or energy to go through a 1 year hair transplant rollercoaster waiting for the grafts to come in etc.

I've been on over 30 first dates. The last 10 have all had the same story. The woman is very excited to meet me, clears up her schedule and prioritizes me. Even after a phone call with me, she's even more excited. Then in person, she's polite and comfortable but not really interested and then never wants to see me again. I know why. I'm having to use misleading photos to get the dates. The photos are designed to camouflage my hair loss. I know that with honest photos, I'd get nowhere. I started out with honest photos and went 3 months with no matches. Anyway I've stopped using all of the apps now so no more deception.

 

[swingline747]

Here's why I think that it's not a terrible thing to do if I have children.
-The child could be female.
-I have been very unlucky to have hair loss like this at my age. Most of us must know guys in their late twenties who are NW1 and have extreme NW7 relatives on both sides of their family. They are set to go NW7 too, in all likelihood, but they are set to keep their hair until age 32 onwards, say. This is almost acceptable, in my opinion and if a guy is in this situation, he has much less to complain about than guys like us who were NW6 by age 25.
-I realistically had a chance to settle down/get married etc. before my hair loss started. I had around 3-4 years from age 18 to do it. I am now finding out that I was badly socially inhibited and that this stems from bullying that I endured as a child. I'd make sure that a child I have is not bullied like this and is nurtured properly. So even if a child ends up exactly like me, he would have a better chance.

If I get a hair transplant, I'd probably be paying everything. It would be a body hair transplant and would cost (last time I checked) over 30k USD. And body hair transplants don't always look good. Many top surgeons have refused me because there is not enough donor on my head to cover the NW6. So I just have a few options, mostly high price. I've just had enough of it all though. I want things to go well for me in the next few months or I want it to be over. After 2-3 years of this, I don't think I have the patience or energy to go through a 1 year hair transplant rollercoaster waiting for the grafts to come in etc.

I've been on over 30 first dates. The last 10 have all had the same story. The woman is very excited to meet me, clears up her schedule and prioritizes me. Even after a phone call with me, she's even more excited. Then in person, she's polite and comfortable but not really interested and then never wants to see me again. I know why. I'm having to use misleading photos to get the dates. The photos are designed to camouflage my hair loss. I know that with honest photos, I'd get nowhere. I started out with honest photos and went 3 months with no matches. Anyway I've stopped using all of the apps now so no more deception.

at a NW6 how are you using deceptive photos that hide the hairloss? Are you wearing hats in them all?

 

[Wolf Pack]

Well put @doubleindemnity in regards to why you can/should have a child if it is your desire and hair shouldn't be a limiting factor. The child could be a girl, he may respond to finasteride, he may not care about hair loss, he may not even have hair loss or an infamous "cure." But there are other more serious limiting factors IMO that one should consider in general or it can lead to a miserable life (for all of you) so that's where I do agree with Swing about social media and superficiality getting even worse in coming generations - if it's an unattractive couple it will lead to childhood insecurities no doubt about it and maybe some really bad ones. It's easy to say but as long as two people are happy, who cares? Well, that kid will care one day and it will come back to you when he's worse off in many ways, you'll also feel their pain. Then you could say but sometimes things go wrong even with the best planning. Again true, but when you know it's wrong from the onset it's bad to proceed for all.

I would say it's part of "responsible breeding" just like having serious mental/physical handicaps and passing them on when they could have resorted to adoption which would be a selfless act. This is how kids are born with congenital conditions at times, the parents knew, the drs knew before hand, but they still went for it. Or not having a happy home, financial support and extended family e.t.c. Just a general post mate. I have no idea about your situation but I agree baldness (even those with aggressive patterns that result in end game in 20s) should not be up as a red flag on it's own.

I hope you get what you want from life once you've weighed everything up and become a Dad. It's not a "cure" to every problem you face and I know people recommended you to seek help for severe depression at one point which would be worth exploring if you haven't already, take a multipronged approach. But it's a unique special ever lasting moment. This will be my very first summer with the little family and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Normally I spend a week at a beach with my mates but a few days before it will just be us playing there and maybe other friends with kids. Another point I would say is don't leave it too late to become a Dad. Although we could die or develop a chronic illness at any moment in life, the odds increase as you get older which will result in a tough time for your kids. You want to be fit and youthful parents so he/she is set up to 18/23 IMO and they could motivate you with your own personal goals even more.

 

[JonnyGo]

Did you try finasteride? If not you should really consider it along with minoxidil and needling. And if you respond well then you can think of getting a hair transplant.

 

[doubleindemnity]

at a NW6 how are you using deceptive photos that hide the hairloss? Are you wearing hats in them all?

I just about have a hairline. It's diffuse hair loss and the original hairline is a NW2 or NW1.5. I looked fine with the buzz cut when there was a little bit of density, but not anymore. I can't even grow it longer than a 1 guard now. If I keep a beard it looks way too scary and tough, and hides my jaw. If I keep no beard or light stubble well there's not really a visible hairline and it shows.

Anyway my deceptive photos were all taken in appropriately dim lighting so it looks like I have a hairline with normal density and a buzzed head. In fact, when doing this, I believe in not wearing a hat unless it's a photo where it's totally appropriate to do so e.g. outdoor sports. That way the person viewing the photos won't suspect a thing. Anyway I'm done with it all. My last try will be day game.

 

[swingline747]

I just about have a hairline. It's diffuse hair loss and the original hairline is a NW2 or NW1.5. I looked fine with the buzz cut when there was a little bit of density, but not anymore. I can't even grow it longer than a 1 guard now. If I keep a beard it looks way too scary and tough, and hides my jaw. If I keep no beard or light stubble well there's not really a visible hairline and it shows.

Anyway my deceptive photos were all taken in appropriately dim lighting so it looks like I have a hairline with normal density and a buzzed head. In fact, when doing this, I believe in not wearing a hat unless it's a photo where it's totally appropriate to do so e.g. outdoor sports. That way the person viewing the photos won't suspect a thing. Anyway I'm done with it all. My last try will be day game.

Im personally 100% against it but have you looked at SMP at all?