Hi,
A couple of things.
1. You don't need to shampoo/condition every shower, as your hair system hair doesn't get oily. And your bio hair doesn't need that much washing, at most, a rinse. Since you appear to use product, an occasional rinse to get rid of the build-up is not a problem.
2. Does your hair get matted, because you sleep on it? Do you completely comb out your system, every day?
3. Do you part your hair at the exact place at the blend? This is not a good practice, as you won't get a good look.
4. Not sure what you mean by "custom" or "extra custom"? Custom means made from a template taken from your head. If you didn't get a template made, you don't have a custom system.
5. The tape can separate from the lace for a couple of reasons; the wrong type of tape, silicone from the factory not sufficiently washed off the lace before attachment.
6. Why do you need to get your hair wet for the color to match? If this is a custom system, your color should match perfectly.
A good cut will alleviate the necessity of too much fussing. For example, my current style is a French crop without a fade undercut. I don't like growing too much side hair, so I completely shave my head before each attachment.
I rinse my hair in cool water, shake my head, pat dry with a towel. After the towel removes most of the water, I brush the hair straight down around the entire system, spray in a couple of spritzes of leave-in conditioner, and "tousle" the front a bit.