Depression And Lonely

[Chefcurrywts]

How do you guys deal with depression and lonliness. I'm 31 nw6 and I feel so alone. My inability to connect with ppl since I was young has deeply affected me and now at my age I feel hopeless. My life revolves around work and home. I find it difficult to connect with new ppl when I go out and meet them. I just don't know what to do anymore and how to go on living like this.

I feel like the end is near... I don't even know if finding a woman will truly make me happy. I don't know if I being part of a brotherhood would help, but right now it's just me in my little 1 bedroom apartment. I just feel so trapped and isolated and feel like I'm suffocating. Help me....

 

[buckthorn]

Hey my friend,
1) remember that you're still only 31 years old. That's young! there is time to over come this.
2) seek a therapist. It's worth it.
3) join different groups for your free time! there are people out there that are just as lonely as you are, and are looking for a companion like yourself. there are groups for everything. from painting to running to archery, etc... you will learn something new / build on what you already know and meet new people
4) the end is only near if you choose to perceive it that way. I know it's not easy. but, somehow someway, you need to slowly change your perception.

Please, start to take SMALL steps towards something better. I know I sound like an infomercial, but it's the only way. If you are feeling depressed, come on here and let it out. Talk to your family. Go out and try new things, no matter how small. PLEASE, you need therapy man. I am going to go to therapy myself. It may help, it may not, but you'll never know until you try.

 

[jd_uk]

Social groups..new hobbies. Try things like meetup.com and just go and do new things..learn skills that involve the opposite sex e.g. salsa dancing or mixed fitness training... and limit your time on this section of the forum..there are certain people here who actively want others to feel like baldness is the end of the world and believe me it's not.

 

[kj6723]

I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way bro. It hurts my heart to hear about stuff like this.

You need to find things you enjoy you can direct positive energy towards.

For myself, it's my motorcycle, fitness, martial arts, I'm also looking to take horseback riding lessons and singing lessons.

If your not financially stable enough to do the things that interest or seem interesting to you, focus on getting yourself financially stable, then direct yourself towards these things.

Women are great, but there are plenty of other things out there that can bring you joy

 

[CaptainForehead]

How do you guys deal with depression and lonliness. I'm 31 nw6 and I feel so alone. My inability to connect with ppl since I was young has deeply affected me and now at my age I feel hopeless. My life revolves around work and home. I find it difficult to connect with new ppl when I go out and meet them. I just don't know what to do anymore and how to go on living like this.

I feel like the end is near... I don't even know if finding a woman will truly make me happy. I don't know if I being part of a brotherhood would help, but right now it's just me in my little 1 bedroom apartment. I just feel so trapped and isolated and feel like I'm suffocating. Help me....

I'm like you. What has helped me keep my sanity is:
--being part of online communities: pick something to learn and become part of that learning community.
--pursuing fitness
--occasionally I self-medicate by binge-watching tv series: it fools my brain into thinking I actually have a social life.

Basically, expand out of your work and apartment. The world is a big big place, with many many people.

 

[kj6723]

Also, maybe consider getting yourself a dog. They can be the ultimate companions and comforters....always ecstatic to see you

 

[shookwun]

Volunteer your spare time and join groups and partake in activities. Having hobbies outside of work will help you improve your lack of connection.

 

[I.D WALKER]

Chef, I am sorry you're in such a bad way.
In my past I have felt a similar foreboding you are experiencing.
It still rears it's ugly head
and messes with me usually if/when my guard is down.

I was an extremely anxious child myself who worried quite a bit in general.
Self acceptance and self motivation were and remain two of my staunchest personal adversaries.
Due to my 'adolescent depression' and delinquency, I missed a lot of school and of course missed out on a lot of opportunities your average
socially developed kid would not have dared to forego or think twice about not participating in.

It would be insane of me and moreover (maybe) insulting to you
to tell you your problems are going to vanish soon. I won't do that. There was a time
when I yearned to fix everyone's problems; although sincerely intentioned
it only dragged me down and made me sicker. Imagine the sick trying to heal the sick. Besides I had my
own baggage to sort out and becoming hung up on some other person's misfortunes became a kind of scrambler device
or smokescreen that worked against me developmentally.

Fatigue sets in for a young guy who is nearly winded before he even got started
running straight into the belly of a dangerously emotional maelstrom.
It's usually a sign that I am heading for a bigger fall.

First you probably need to slow down your thinking my friend
and give it your utmost effort to appreciate your preexisting successes,
regardless of how highly you value them right now during this extra trying period
you're wrestling with. You have already described a few real promising strong points that
can help you realign your center and recoup your misplaced perspective, eg;
you are still young, you have a source of employment, and your own place.
Three real advantages a million guys are conceivably dreaming about this very moment.

Real progress generally happens in increments, a baby step at a time.
Pick one problem at a time that you have the ability to change and
slowly see it through. If you hit another bump always return to your strong center.
Don't worry about putting off your co-workers. Remember you have a job task to perform
and that you're a serious guy committed to satisfactorily fulfilling your work function
in the similarly resolute manner you are personally working at becoming a happier man.

I know it sounds flakey, however you have to try to become your own best friend.
For exterior relationships to evolve you'll have to start to like yourself more. You and I
are virtual strangers, I can already list several things I like about you.

You have to look hard and long Chef, I know all to well
about living like a hostage under the fog of depression and how simple it is to overlook our
redeeming parts hiding in our plain sight. Begin by being kinder to yourself my friend.
All my best.

 

[Roberto_72]

How do you guys deal with depression and lonliness. I'm 31 nw6 and I feel so alone. My inability to connect with ppl since I was young has deeply affected me and now at my age I feel hopeless. My life revolves around work and home. I find it difficult to connect with new ppl when I go out and meet them. I just don't know what to do anymore and how to go on living like this.

I feel like the end is near... I don't even know if finding a woman will truly make me happy. I don't know if I being part of a brotherhood would help, but right now it's just me in my little 1 bedroom apartment. I just feel so trapped and isolated and feel like I'm suffocating. Help me....

I suggest you to seek help from a professional. I did it myself in the past. Therapy may not cure you from loneliness, but it does give you a different perspective on the problems you are facing.
My therapist used to say all the wrong things at times; however, even a broken clock is right twice a day. I took advantage of that.

How I met new people when I was lonely (I am a migrant from Tuscany to Spain):
- joined a book club, met two wonderful friends, and an ex lover
- bought a motorcycle, joined a motorcycle lover forum, saw the nature, met one friend
- played the drums in a local band, met some "fans" (total amateur, stuff you learn to do in two years)

 

[Dante92]

I'm deeply sorry, I know how it feels all too well, believe me. I would too suggest you to seek professional help. I found many hobbies that helped me to overcome depression. I'm extremely shy and antisocial, but I do my best to socialize even though is extremely hard for me, and hobbies helped me a lot.

And remember: you're not alone. All the best.

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

If you live in a moderate-to-large sized city, meetup.com is an decent way to get to know people, however it takes time.

 

[EvilLocks]

Also, maybe consider getting yourself a dog. They can be the ultimate companions and comforters....always ecstatic to see you

Yes, great advice. My dog has helped me through my darkest times. I don't know what I'd do without her. A dog won't care about your appearance or anything like that, but will love you unconditionally. And they're always so happy to see you. I just love dogs...

 

[Austin:316]

A wise person said the best way to deal with unhappiness is by doing the things you did when you were 10. I haven't tried it so can't say if it works but I think it would.

My own idea is to do what you are passionate about and pursue it as a career and try to make money from it, because with money comes happiness. I'm only messing; money definitely doesn't come with happiness. That's the least of things it comes with. It comes with success. Success can be a lot of things to a lot of people. To some it's love, to some it's fame, it can be anything, depending on who you are. My idea of success is turning my passions into professions and achieving feats in my fields of choice. My passions are film, literature, t.v and journalism so I took courses in each and now I'm trying to produce my first film and I am always on sites that sell scripts and screenwriter forums trying to find a script worth making while working on my own scripts, and I'm writing short stories, trying to come up with ideas for novels and constantly sending away ideas for t.v shows to every production company in the country and beyond, and I write news articles and send them to editors. I send poems to magazines and songs to publishers. I'm also trying to set up a business. I am always trying to increase the gears of my life. Sometimes they grind and sometimes they slide into place. If you're not driving forwards you're rolling backwards. Towards a cliff that drops down into an ocean of despair.

I also have a long list of hobbies, which are important to have, when your soul needs to be settled or enlivened. Also every 6 months or so go to bed for 3 or 4 days. Close the blinds, turn off the phone. Of course get up every now and then to use the bathroom or drink a beer but basically just shut off for 3 or 4 days and you will come out of that absolutely rejuvenated and so buoyant-spirited. In the future scientists will discover it and proscribe it, I'm telling you. Tell the truth, because dishonesty can cause guilt which may lead to unhappiness, and be kind because when we are mean it rebounds back and manifests in us at a later date, according to something I read somewhere anyway, and I believe it.

Passions, hobbies, don't let your hands be idle, try to accomplish great things and be yourself all the way. Friends are vitally important also. You'll go nowhere without them. And they can lift you out of the funk. I should say, if you feel like you don't have any passions in life, you do. Everyone does. Everyone. I don't know if they are things you can make careers out of but I hope they are. And if they're not, do them anyway. Failing my advice, try what that wise person said about doing what you did when you were 10. We are here for you. Best of luck!

 

[F2005]

Also, maybe consider getting yourself a dog. They can be the ultimate companions and comforters....always ecstatic to see you

I've always said that animals are so much better than people because they show you that unconditional love that most people cannot. My little cat doesn't care how I look, as long as I show him the love and affection that he yearns for. This may sound stupid but I've said sometimes that I wish I was him, meaning that I just had a simple life around the house and didn't need to experience all of the hardship and misery that some people do.

 

[g.i joey]

^^ agree with everyone above, solid advice.

I'm sorry to hear that man, if I could give you any advice it would be to set yourself some goals, first small ones, anything and then as you go on go for more.

You're stuck in a routine that you wanna get out of so you're gonna have to get out of your Comfort zone if you wanna experience anything new. Even if you don't want to, go out meet ppl.

Try going out, talking to someone, keep setting goals of what you wanna do and achieve them (realistic ones). Never set a goal and don't pursue it. If you set a goal make sure you always achieve it, whether it's making a friend, chatting up a girl or asking her out. You won't find happiness in the same routine you do everyday, you need to experience more and find something you like, even if it sucks in the beginning I'm telling you it will change your mind set. Good luck bro and don't let yourself feel down

 

[Marky]

Good advice but the most important of all missing......your relationship with God.

Sorry not a popular truth nowadays I know. Start by finding a preacher or evangelist you like and relate to. That's the beauty of living in the internet age. Here are a few sources you can youtube:

Joel Osteen (great hair too)
John Hagee
Father Corapi
Joyce Meyers
Mother Angelica

And many others that might appeal to you. Hope, pray, study the Bible and watch the miracles you need in your life flock to like sea gals to the shore!

 

[Rudiger]

As a rule of thumb, whenever someone talks about a popular preacher or "televangelist" simply search the name followed by the word "scam" and you have an encyclopedia of info to get through.

Let's say for the sake of argument I do respect people's right to practice religion (which I don't) even if we applied this to baldness, this will do nobody any favours, it just encourages the delusion of a higher power making it all better, when there's nobody coming and there's nothing worth waiting for. There's been a lot of good advice in this thread on how to re-align your mentality, wasting hours a day on the Bible is a shocking suggestion quite frankly.

Is God intravenous? Will he make your hair come back? No. If you act in love and treat others well then God shouldn't care if you read his book and waste precious energy and time on this earth worshipping when we could instead be making an actual difference in people's lives.

 

[Marky]

The saving blood of Jesus has liberated many from deep depression, metal disorders, addictions etc for centuries. While you h.I think you are an "intellect" - and I use that term very loosely, who know no better than to live by your feeble senses. I and billions of others have found a better way through faith and I'm sharing that with a man who's lost his way and needs to discover saving grace.

Miracles happen everyday in the world, thanks be to God, the stories of John and Gabriel are nothing short of this:

http://olrl.org/stories/lourdes.shtml

 

[Afro_Vacancy]

The saving blood of Jesus has liberated many from deep depression, metal disorders, addictions etc for centuries. While you h.I think you are an "intellect" - and I use that term very loosely, who know no better than to live by your feeble senses. I and billions of others have found a better way through faith and I'm sharing that with a man who's lost his way and needs to discover saving grace.

Miracles happen everyday in the world, thanks be to God, the stories of John and Gabriel are nothing short of this:

http://olrl.org/stories/lourdes.shtml

Organized religion:

 

[Rudiger]

While you h.I think you are an "intellect" - and I use that term very loosely, who know no better than to live by your feeble senses.

This is the hilarious hypocrisy of religious people, turning the other cheek here? Not at all. Scratch just a little beneath the surface and you get the ugliest people who don't know how to think for themselves, who aren't born with that innate sense of caring that should be a natural thing in our species and other highly developed ones, instead you justify your morality by being told how to be moral, which is very disturbing and in the future will be classed as a mental illness.

Keep in mind I didn't personally insult you before, I didn't doubt your intellect, but your belief system should be considered schizophrenia. Not only do miracles fail to happen every day, but you don't have proof of them happening even once, and if it wasn't for Constantine choosing to make Christianity "happen" in the 3rd century, you wouldn't even know about this great divine spirit that apparently is the base of your mortality.

Ridiculous.