Gadgetine

Are we vain, us the People who visit here?

kejan

Established Member
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Just spoke to a friend of a friend, female,who said I was acting a bit vain to be concerned about my hair loss and lost the rag. "Most MEN deal with it ok, so should you. It's really vain"

I couldn't believe her double standards. I had to leave to catch a train, but she's actually really pissed me off and more so because I couldn't fire back at her.

I met her in the library and she noticed me looking at this site and then began to tell me I was vain etc and is that why you wear hats on wet days or when you are runnning late etc..

It got me thinking though I know we all age and I can accept a few laughter lines and other such aging. I am 28 after all. The 'Manning Up' as she put it etc, there are so many people who are shaved headed or Norwood 7's in the UK who look and to be frank disgusting, not necessary their hairloss but their skin from years of probable alcohol, bad diet and not using tanning lotion, overweight.. Is that what manning up is? Maybe it is vain then, because I don't want to look like that.. I know that I'll end up keeping the hair very short/shaved but why trying to use concealers, or styling it a certain way at 28 is vain, when I know that I'll probably be bald in the future.

What's so wrong with wanting to enhance your apperance? It's not even anything most of us control (hair loss). As a white male, I'm undecided on the shaved head look. I've done it before and weighing up the comments from People I've had, it's mostly positive comments, but what if I don't want to walk about looking like someone of the set of Prison Break? Why is it so vain to try and keep what hair of the NW3 diffuse thining that I have left?

I can't wait to see her again to bring it up and tell her about her foundation, mascara, nail polish, lipgloss are all attempts to be vain.

Most men accept Baldness? Is this true? I know some men who'll say they don't care about it, and then People will say they are dealing with their hair loss well and just getting on with it? How do we know for sure that they are? They may shave it off or keep it trimmed and not wear hats but doesn't necessary mean they are not beating themselves up about what they can or should do to restore the hair..

Sorry this more like a rant than anything but there's not a better place than a Hair network to rant it.

Anyone else heard or been told something similar about being vain, and 'man up' basically.
 

TheGrayMan2001

Senior Member
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Easy solution: Don't tell people about your hair loss and don't look at this site in public places.

You can say it's a two fold problem for me: one is, yes, vanity to some extent. I don't have amazing hair. If anything hair loss has made me realize just how good some people have it with hair, and how bad others do. I'm not bitter about it (you won't see me making posts about how NW1s are looking down on anyone balding since that really isn't the case).

The other is I don't wanna lose my hair I've had most of my life. Some people are Ok with it, I'm not. I wouldn't want to lose anything else off my body either.
 

Nashville Hairline

Experienced Member
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I'd say most of us on here are very insecure as opposed to very vain.

I think most people have some bit of vanity..we all want to look our best and be thought of as attractive. That's just human nature.
 

GeminiX

Senior Member
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Its vanity, insecurity, appearance, obsession, some of those things, all of those things and other things not mentioned.

It does not matter why we're here, we all have our reasons.

Don't be ashamed to be true to yourself, if you *want* to be here (for whatever reason), then it's fine. If you want to do something which you feel will improve your appearance or how you feel about yourself, then go for it.

As an aside, while the woman you spoke to sounds somewhat judgmental from what you quoted, it's not really double standards. Most modern societies *expect* women to wear makeup; women who leave the house with no-cosmetics are perceived as being a bit unusual and dowdy.

It's easy to confuse individual double standards and those of society and culture.
 

S&L

Member
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Just ask her if she would date a bald ,ugly and poor guy , but who's a really great person .
 

Thom

Experienced Member
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She, and women like her, should find it attractive that a guy actually gives a damn about his appearance. I always hear girls talking about how they want a guy who keeps well groomed and cares about how he looks so how is his fighting hair loss any different?

....and just because some other guys may not care about losing their hair I guarantee there are things that they are insecure about. Everybody has their insecurities and those who say differently are lying.
 

Defiance

Established Member
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I dont see in any way, shape or form how fighting hairloss could be considered vein. It most definately would of 50 years ago but in this superficial 21st century it should be considered the norm.

Personally i feel i have become vein because of hairloss. I now scrutinise over other parts of me i never usually would of in hopes to compromise for my receded hair. Skin, body etc.

i.e I personally hate the thought of being overcritical or obsessive of looks but it seems lately i cant deny these thoughts

I can vaguely recall and cherish the days of waking up, taking a glipse in the mirror. Splashing some water on my face , and chucking some muck through my 'cool messy'' bed nw1 hair and going out and attacking the world. (rarely stoppiing to actually critisise or dwell on if someone was better looking than me etc..

Now it seems im constantly trying to get back to this mindset of pure living, without the burden of obsessiing over myself and to some extent, others exterior. But to do so i feel i have to get back to those old looks to truelly 'be myself.' In essense i hate how strongly personality, mood and motivation is connected to ones physical appearance. You watch those makeover shows you know, and the participants are glowing inside and out after the change. Well im betting alot of us were glowing before hand, and now we have a progressive negative change that we have little control over
 

s.a.f

Senior Member
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I agree with this:

Nashville Hairline said:
I'd say most of us on here are very insecure as opposed to very vain.

I think most people have some bit of vanity..we all want to look our best and be thought of as attractive. That's just human nature.

and this:

monty1978 said:
I've said it before and I'll say it again. The people others percieve to be confident are 9 times out of 10 confident cos they have f*ck all to deal with in life.

But not this ...

Thom said:
She, and women like her, should find it attractive that a guy actually gives a damn about his appearance. I always hear girls talking about how they want a guy who keeps well groomed and cares about how he looks so how is his fighting hair loss any different?.

What women mean is a guy who makes the best of what he has - naturally.
 

Thom

Experienced Member
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That may be what they mean but shouldn't they find it at least slightly attractive that a guy is working to keep his hair? That he cares that much?

I fail to see what you don't agree with.
 

s.a.f

Senior Member
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Vanity is a form of insecurity - not attractive in a man. Wether he cares or not at the end of the day he's still got that undesirable trait.
 

uncomfortable man

Senior Member
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It's unfair to call it vanity, conformity more like it... which is a powerful force and shouldn't be underestimated.
 

keepinthehair

Established Member
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Nah, just goin through the grieving process of losing something that has been a part of us since birth:

1) Denial- Its just a "mature hairline"
2) Anger- I'm too young to be balding, its my dad/grandfathers fault.
3) Bargaining- I'll research "GourmetStyleWellness" and start the Big Three
4) Depression- I've tried everything, nothing can bring back my hair to
the pre-balding days.
5)Acceptance- Fukit, I'll just shave it down like all the other guys.

Transplant = vanity/insecurity. You bettcha, why not look your best if you can financially. Dont see to many actors in Hollywood looking ugly these days.
 

Guarana

Member
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ahh thats frustrating but you learned a lesson. Dont talk about it! lol. Yes, its a double standard, but its not going to get you anywhere by explaining that. If she brings it up again you can bust her for the pounds of foundation and stuff, but youll look real dumb if you just bring it up next time your see her fake face.

Yep, were vain and insecure, but guess what?? so is most everyone. Does that make it any more right? No, but there are worse vices.

And heres one last bit of wisdom from me: Look like you care how you look, act like you dont.

Peace
 
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