Even on dating sites...

[Dark_Vegeta]

http://www.hairboutique.com/tips/tip228.htm

 

[mrsmith]

Why are so many of you acting like complete dicks to the OP?

Grow up and change the world and start showing a little empathy or patience. If male pattern baldness doesn't bother YOU, then why the hell are you here posting?

 

[hairwegoagain]

Everyone has preferences. Some girls are not superfically attracted to guys with male pattern baldness...who cares

The reason I personally care is, it's not just SOME people who don't like male pattern baldness in my opinion, it's MOST, and it's affecting me in a very negative way. I tried not to care about it and just shave my head, but that just scared people away, and women told me that I look much, much better with hair.

I think it was Freud who said that hair in dreams is a symbol of virility and male sexuality. In ancient times, thick, luxurious hair was a symbol of strength and power, and thinning, wispy hair was a sign of illness or loss of virility. Hair is associated with youth and sexual attractiveness. Men have been donning wigs for centuries to try and maintain their prestige and power. It's why powdered wigs were so in vogue a few hundred years back or so.

When I was 22 I had long hair and women falling all over me. One year I could remember I had 15 different girlfriends (not simultaneously.. lol). Quite the heartbreaker in my day, I guess. I'm 32 now, was married for 9 years (so out of the dating scene for a while). My hair fell out mostly during this period of time, and I didn't exactly care about it. I was married and not looking to attract women. So, I knew it was thinning, people started noticing, and I just accepted it and didn't do anything about it.

I'm divorced now, look exactly the same as I did when I was 20 (a hair older but almost exactly), I weigh what I did in high school. I'm in good shape, thin, and I work out. The only difference is my male pattern baldness. Now women by and large don't give me the time of day, and I look so much older that when I go to parties I seem out of place, even though the people are in my age group. People start asking me how old I am. Nobody ever asked me that before.

I've seen specifically on dating websites, women have actually put in their requirements that their potential mate "must have all your hair". Confidence and personality go a long way, and you defintitely need to work on it (women HATE pussies.. they want a sensitive guy, but not a guy who's going to cry about everything) but a woman generally decides whether or not you're a potential date in about the first ten seconds of meeting you, and a giant majority of that has to do with your appearance. After that, your confidence and personality take over, and that's what makes a woman decide to continue dating you. It's a different story once you have a steady girlfriend who gets to know you better, there are no more first impressions, and she can see the real person you are, and might not care at that point if you're going bald. But by and large, dating is just a big game. People judge others on first impressions.. Yes, it's shallow... but it's the way society works, whether we all like it or not.

When I was young and super awkward with women, I'd get dates based purely on my looks and then they'd promptly drop me once they found out what a pussy I was. But, I got my foot in the door, and that's what it's all about. If you can't even get past the door you don't have a chance.. and the criteria they use at the door is your appearance.

It sucks, but it's a fact that most women like men with hair more. Women may say they don't care, but they're either in the minority or they are lying. Most of the men on here with extensive experience with women can probably vouch for this. Women often say one thing and mean another. They say something doesn't matter to them, even though it obviously does, because they don't want to SEEM shallow, even though they know it is.

Yeah, it's discriminatory. Yes, it's superficial. It's also the way society works, unfortunately. And it's not even limited to women. A lot of people look down on baldness, many times subconsciously. But they do.

That's why I care.

I understand that it's affecting you in a negative way...but it's because you allow it to do so. No one is out to get you. The fact is, you can't change your male pattern baldness at the moment. Indeed, you may never be able to change it. You're doing what you can by employing the treatments currently available - but being mad at the female world isn't going to help your psyche nor your cause.

What happened when you were 22 is irrelevant. Those days are gone and you won't benefit from harping on then vs. now. The key is to decide how the next 10 years are going to play out. Will you spend them stewing over something you can't immediately change, or will you take advantage of the 99.9999% of you that has nothing to do with hair? The next 10 can be as good or better than 10 years ago if you get on with life.

Accepting male pattern baldness is tough - and with today's treatments you don't have to do so willingly...but while fighting you need to be realistic and move forward with what you've got. The sooner you do that, the better. A lot of guys have wasted a lot of time and opportunity fretting about hair.

So I say again - who cares about the girls that reject you based on male pattern baldness? If you're upset about not being able to have your pick, grow up. There are plenty of guys with a shrub on their heads that get nowhere. On the opposite end, there's plenty of "baldies" that get leg left and right. I had noticeable thinning for many years during my dating life, and did quite well if I don't say so myself. Don't be defeated.

 

[Nesrednug]

I understand that it's affecting you in a negative way...but it's because you allow it to do so. No one is out to get you. The fact is, you can't change your male pattern baldness at the moment. Indeed, you may never be able to change it. You're doing what you can by employing the treatments currently available - but being mad at the female world isn't going to help your psyche nor your cause.

What happened when you were 22 is irrelevant. Those days are gone and you won't benefit from harping on then vs. now. The key is to decide how the next 10 years are going to play out. Will you spend them stewing over something you can't immediately change, or will you take advantage of the 99.9999% of you that has nothing to do with hair? The next 10 can be as good or better than 10 years ago if you get on with life.

Accepting male pattern baldness is tough - and with today's treatments you don't have to do so willingly...but while fighting you need to be realistic and move forward with what you've got. The sooner you do that, the better. A lot of guys have wasted a lot of time and opportunity fretting about hair.

So I say again - who cares about the girls that reject you based on male pattern baldness? If you're upset about not being able to have your pick, grow up. There are plenty of guys with a shrub on their heads that get nowhere. On the opposite end, there's plenty of "baldies" that get leg left and right. I had noticeable thinning for many years during my dating life, and did quite well if I don't say so myself. Don't be defeated.

Yes, I agree. I think I might have given the wrong impression, based on re-reading my response.. It was late and I was feeling particularly bitter that night. I don't sit around and pine for days gone by, and I am dealing with the fact that I do not have my pick of the litter anymore. I think we all can agree that hair loss, and it's repercussions on our social lives, does bother us, some more than others, or we wouldn't all be trying to fight it. I would love nothing more than to say "fsck it" and not worry about it, and I've tried.. but the shaved head look gets boring and honestly I really do not think that I look nearly as good with it (though one woman I can recall was entralled with it).

I guess that my point was, that the original poster is correct in that most women do not like baldness, and I have experienced this discrimination firsthand.

I don't fret about it quite as badly as others, but it sure be tough. It's a whole lot tougher than I ever thought it would be. Back when I noticed it was thinning I always just told myself I'd shave it off if it got that bad. And I did, but it was harder than I thought it would be.

This is the last go, however, I'm giving the big three one year to work their magic, and if no luck then I'm calling it quits. $10k in hair transplants aren't worth it to me, I'd rather put that down on a condo or throw it into a 401k.

I try to be as realistic as I can. I think perhaps what bothers me the most is that I feel that I wasted the last 10 years of my life devoting myself to the wrong woman, 10 years that I'll never get back... and I sure am bitter about having been taken advantage of so terribly. An experience that I will not go into here, but one that has left me quite bitter. And I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fact that I can't just jump right in and pick up where I left off.

Thanks for the response though, it helps to hear a voice of reason when my emotions get the best of me.

 

[hairwegoagain]

$10k in hair transplants aren't worth it to me, I'd rather put that down on a condo or throw it into a 401k.

Now you're talkin'! Instead of spending thousands, save thousands. Without getting on my 401k/IRA soapbox, I'm with you 100%. A consistent, reasonable amount of prudent savings makes you a millionaire at retirement. Time is on your side (unlike male pattern baldness haha).

I try to be as realistic as I can. I think perhaps what bothers me the most is that I feel that I wasted the last 10 years of my life devoting myself to the wrong woman, 10 years that I'll never get back... and I sure am bitter about having been taken advantage of so terribly. An experience that I will not go into here, but one that has left me quite bitter. And I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fact that I can't just jump right in and pick up where I left off.

I understand, and am sorry for your experience. I can't entirely relate, but I did waste a few years with the wrong girl (dating). I thought it easier to remain in that relationship, even though I knew it'd never go anywhere, than go through the pain and drama of a breakup. Obviously, I was just fooling myself and the breakup/pain/drama came anyway. I became much wiser because of that experience.

I know you're going through a lot right now in the natural course of the event, but if you can sneak in an optimistic thought here and there, please try. You get to turn over a brand new leaf - doing things the way you want, when you want. Discriminate and don't settle.

I'm a stranger and a complete outsider, but I would recommend you don't jump back into the game immediately. Give yourself some time. Hang out with friends, travel, do whatever interests you. You'll likely make better decisions after some time has elapsed.

 

[mrsmith]

Savings for retirement can be nice, but hell, what good is a million dollars going to be when I am too tired and too old (typecast or outcast) to fully enjoy it?

We need SOME sor to safety net, but i think some investment in preretirement is equally meritable. If there's anyway possible, I will pay for hair transplants so that I can enjoy the 30-35 years before retirement as fully as possible.

 

[hairwegoagain]

Savings for retirement can be nice, but hell, what good is a million dollars going to be when I am too tired and too old (typecast or outcast) to fully enjoy it?

We need SOME sor to safety net, but i think some investment in preretirement is equally meritable. If there's anyway possible, I will pay for hair transplants so that I can enjoy the 30-35 years before retirement as fully as possible.

I agree that you shouldn't live at the extreme of frugality - I'm not saying that. I am saying more people should take full advantage of the tax-deferred savings vehicles available. If you can fully fund your 401k each year, you should. If you can contribute to an IRA on top of that, you should. Always pay yourself first. Yes, stop to smell the roses, but don't finance the roses.

A lot of young people don't save, instead spending everything that comes in and then some. Credit card debt, big car payments, etc... sooner or later, it catches up with you...and usually there's nothing to show for it once you're standing in front of a mountain of debt. You can never make up for those years of finances...they are set in stone. That may not seem like a big deal, but it's a very big deal.

Say you are capable of saving $5000/year but decide not to do so for the next five years. You're 25 years old and would like to retire at 60. By not saving the $5000/year just between ages 25 and 30, you give up over $500,000 (assuming a historical stock market annualized return of 10%) at 60. Those are not today's dollars of course, but will still have significant spending power.

In contrast, if you do start saving but wait until you're 35, and save the $5000 EACH AND EVERY YEAR until age 60, you'll only have $491K to show for it. That's right, starting earlier and then stopping cold yields a better result than delaying and soldiering through. That's the time value of money for you. Of course, I would advocate the start early/don't stop approach. You can put up to $16K in a 401k each year, and $4000 in an IRA (unless you exceed a certain income level). That's a TON of money and tough to do...impossible to do fully until your income rises to a certain level...but if and when you can, you should. Remember, these are tax-deferred dollars you're saving....so each dollar you save only removes $0.70-$0.85 from your take-home pay.

As for spending money on transplants, that's a personal decision that I'm sure you'll weigh carefully. It might make sense for you. It wouldn't for me, because it's not a one-shot deal (and I don't even think the "good" ones look natural). It's doubtful one would be satisfied with the result over a span of 35 years. You might need to go back to the well multiple times as you lose more hair. The ongoing result might not be what one would wish, and there's no going back. That's why it's not for me. However, you might not mind that risk.

OK, off my soapbox for now.

 

[ginald]

hey, just had a great idea.

all you gays are so obviously bothered 'bout not being able to get chicks or whether chicks like guys with bald heads. well...just go gay..

leave you with that pearl

 

[Guest]

If u can pull it off with a round cute face u one of the lucky male pattern baldness victims..
I cant, i have to much of a marked face.. Thats why om so f*****g handsome with hair in the first place.. Whitout hair I look sick!!
The girls want guys that look good and healthy, with or without male pattern baldness!!
PERIOD!!!

 

[Guest]

Hmmm im not sure if that's true. I see many good girls with people who swing to the wimpy side. They call them "sensitive." Just as long as you're not self-obsessed and consumed by your own problems, they don't mind a bit of a strong emotional streak.
.

No being macho is not good, but there's obviously a difference between being macho and being confident. Being macho is bad, being a wimp is bad, being confident is what will help guys attract girls.

 

[powersam]

any generalisation about what girls find attractive will be true in some cases and false in others. you may state with complete belief that girls find confidence attractive, and i'm sure many do. i am also sure that some dont, as i personally know a few girls who prefer shy guys. different strokes for different folks.

 

[Guest]

any generalisation about what girls find attractive will be true in some cases and false in others. you may state with complete belief that girls find confidence attractive, and i'm sure many do. i am also sure that some dont, as i personally know a few girls who prefer shy guys. different strokes for different folks.

you can be shy and confident.

 

[Thinning Sucks]

If it makes anyone feel better, this only 20 year old total hottie dates this dude with a not so perfect hairline....but the dude looks cool, likes to party, is in decent shape, and is probably a riot to be with.....and this is really what chicks want.

 

[rawbd]

Rock on, dude. Keep living it up.

 

[Primex]

Holy crap those hot pics :lol:

 

[still_trying]

are you f****ing nuts. Girls digging MBP? No way in hell. Maybe women in there 30's or over will be more accepting of baldness. I live in Chicago and 10 out of 10 times a guy whose noticeably balding has virutally no chance. Girls will look right thru em.

yes it's a scientifically conclusive fact...

bald or balding men are useless, ugly, pathetic losers who don't deserve to be breathing the air of normal people. Bald people should be rounded up and put in a separate part of the world. I'll see you all there, guys...we can all get together and talk about how much we suck.

the amount of negativity i hear on this site is incredible. If you sit and whine and complain, guess what ... people won't wanna be with you, no matter what you look like. I've been trying to regrow my hair for a while, cos yes...i would look better with it...BUT IT'S NOT WORKING.

however in about 2-4 years when i'm completely bald like my brother i'll still be dating hot chicks, i'll have a good career, great friends..

you get what you imagine guys...

if you really feel that nothing in your life will work out, then stop blaming hair loss and realise that it is your mental patterns that are failing you...and that you can change them. Go see a doctor/psychiatrist/ cognitive bahaviour therapist.. or don't, and watch your life disappear.

 

[biglemoncoke]

If it makes anyone feel better, this only 20 year old total hottie dates this dude with a not so perfect hairline....but the dude looks cool, likes to party, is in decent shape, and is probably a riot to be with.....and this is really what chicks want.

I am pretty sure they are implants

 

[tchehov]

Who in hell goes to dating sites anyway?

 

[Guest]

Who in hell goes to dating sites anyway?

Thinning



8)

 

[templemonk]

danggg shes a hottie
a post like that helps me to regain my confidence.
i dont think i look that worse with no hair cuz i'v been shaving my head alot ever since highschool (even when i had perfect hairline). its just my state of mind/paranoid/tripping over my hairloss. my friends tell me to shut up when i whine about myhairloss and i know they are right. i have no reason to cry about it since it doesnt make anything better.
im about to start my treatment in couple days when my batch arrives and its just a try, it would be great if it works.. if not, i'll live with it.
i just gotta learn how to not let hairloss affect my confidence.
i was an overconfident guy before.. now im a little insecure b**ch.
can't help it.. i look at my hairline for hours everyday.. that pisses me off.. i wanna stop doing it but i can't stop! damnit... i hope it'll get better.. im talking about my mindset.

and who goes to dating sites?
i wanna look down on those people for no reason.. it seems so pathetic.
if im destined to be bald, i'd rather work/study harder to make more money (since women care about it so much) and workout, get into good shape.. i'm doing all these even harder since i started losing my hair but my confidence level is at rock bottom..
:cry: