Hairloss And Overall Decline In Looks Kills My Drive - How Do I Get Back Motivation?

[Saulus]

People say focuse on sth else like your career

The thing is - everything is better and makes more fun if youre good looking, especially socialising


Take sth like vacation

Had poverty vacations back in the days when i just stayed at cheap hostels or even tents at the beach, eating at mc donalds bc you couldnt afford sth more expensive.

All of them were awesome. Bc you meet a ton new of people, had fun including sex n drug n roll.


Now i spend my holidays at exotic places, nice hotels. Its far away from being as good as it used to be. Honestly im not even that motivated for holidays..i mean its nice to leave your usual environment but thats it.

So why do i need a career? Why do i need more money? I wouldnt even know on what to spend that money..


Im far from being rich. For european standards and my age group i have a normal income but its already more than enough. So a career and more income wouldnt give me any further benefit right now..i wouldnt consume it but rather invest it.

Honestly the only things im enjoying right now are the two times of the month when i see my daughter or good food.

Problem is that i never had any nice hobbies. I like to play basketball or soccer but the older you get the more difficult it gets to find time / people to play / not to "injure" yourself


I feel i basically in a middle of depression, existential crisis and i dont know what to do with my life. Basically i thought at this age i would be busy with running a family but this chapter is over since a few month.

 

[LastSamurai]

Hi Saulus,

I feel your pain brother.

I sort of lost motivation recently. I work as a freelance writer in the UK, and even though my prospects look good as my main client plans to double my income so at least I will earn an average wage for London over the summer months if I continue to do a good job for him, I feel depressed about the future. What do I really have to look forward to now?

The only real things to 'look forward to' seem be around getting a mortgage (debt, great!) and settling down with a wife and kids and then working my arse off to keep my family afloat whilst we go to Europe a couple of times a year for a holiday.

I mean that's it.

The life ahead looks bleak in that respect. I don't know. I just envisioned living a happier life at this point, perhaps in an environment that I really could enjoy. I always thought about living in the mountains or closer to nature, and having a more simple lifestyle.

I lost a lot of my friends over the past year because I decided to stop drinking alcohol to improve myself, and also because I felt it was connected to feeling depressed. Yet now I feel I only have a small bunch of friends, and not many people to really 'enjoy' life with. Yet, I don't really feel like I want to connect with friends either. So I'm kind of caught between wanting friendship theoretically yet not feeling like actually calling people and making plans on a day to day basis. I'm guessing that is a symptom of depression. I do have a few friends I see, plus a girlfriend if you can call her that since I've been dating her for a month or so. So I have a few people. But perhaps I idealise the picture of having a great group of friends. Where we all go to the park and someone has a guitar and we all are there for one another. Yet the reality is my life seems so segmented. I feel so alienated from people. Perhaps its the ironic nature of living in a big city. It can be such a lonely experience sometimes, even though I was born here.

I'm lucky enough to live rent free in London because my father has a property here that my brother and I both stay in. Yet, I'm kind of trapped, as renting out somewhere else would mean half my salary goes on rent and I live with someone I don't know, or maybe more people.

But I'm thinking maybe living with a bunch of people could be fun. I hate my brother and I'm pretty sure he hates me, so apart from the rent I save I don't think its healthy to live here, and I feel I'm wasting my twenties in a way, and its that sense that I don't feel like I am making any 'progress'. Even though renting in financial terms would be a backwards step, not a forwards one. But culturally it would be a forward step. A strange irony.

Most days I just surf the web, and spend my income on takeaway. I know I have much more potential, not only professionally but in how I live my life overall and the joy I extract from it.

I was seeing a shrink this year which helped me download my thoughts but it was a top place and they recently raised their prices making it unaffordable. I'm planning to see a mid-level cost shrink once a week who will just listen to my BS and help me. They don't have to be a top level one, I just need some support as I get very down on my life a lot. And fundamentally, its the lack of hope about my future that worries me. I feel I have nothing to look forward to anymore.

 

[Saurabhaj]

You might be earning CURRENTLY according to standards..This is Great.

but there are many cases where depression have destroyed career of well established people..



so don't take it lightly...

 

[Saulus]

You might be earning CURRENTLY according to standards..This is Great.

but there are many cases where depression have destroyed career of well established people..



so don't take it lightly...

Yeah i know

In 10 years i will probably cry on how everyone has more money than me and hiw thats destroy my self esteem..

 

[Cue Bald]

i'd be happy just with a family (wife, kids, a house of my own etc). i am employed now but i rent a 1 bedroom place, but i find it very hard to meet women as i am bald with a bad face for it.
one thing that helped my depression is getting a job that didn't completely suck. in my old job i was working long hours with little holidays, working solidly hard for 10 hours a day hardly ever getting time off. that was so soul crushing.
now i work 7 hours a day, and i get 12 weeks off a year, for more pay. (i work in a school). but as the wage is still low, i will need to quit it soon to get a higher paying job; which will mean hardly ever having time off again :-( this coupled with baldness, not sure if i have the mental stamina for it. but to afford a bigger place to raise children i will have to do it (of course if i never meet a wife, the money can go on a hair transplant)

one bad thing about working in a school is hair jealousy. honestly every single kid (aged 11 - 18) has the best NW1; in almost 10 years of being there only 1 pupil was above a NW2. it makes me feel that much older, decrepid, and as if i am already half dead when i compare how i look to the older students. it really makes you feel bad when you see a 14 year old boy who is much better looking than you are.

 

[itsjustsimon]

My situation right now:

• grandfather dying
• losing my hair like a motherfucker. I'm gone if I go bald, my face is ugly.
• 3 years of work ( thousands and thousands of hours ) in startup failed. Thousands of dollars invested gone
• silicon valley lifestyle, noodles and 16 hours workdays, haven't been on vacation for 3 years.
• dead broke, I have literally $2 in my bank account. If my friend calls me for a coffee, I say I'm working even if I don't, cuz I can't afford it.
• would like to go to the gym, can't afford it.
• haven't had sex since my last break up ( 18 months ). Ended with cheating on her part.
• I can list you 10 fastest and the least painful ways how to kill yourself in like 10 seconds.
• living in my parents' basement
• my ex trying to f*** my best friend, just because she hates my guts ( dunno why cuz she left me ).
• isolated, depressed, no self-esteem whatsoever...

I'm not exaggerating. I don't know why I would. I don't want to play the game of who struggles more but I hope it gives you some perspective at least. I need to keep fighting. For me it's literally do or die right now.

 

[DoctorHouse]

My situation right now:

• grandfather dying
• losing my hair like a motherfucker. I'm gone if I go bald, my face is ugly.
• 3 years of work ( thousands and thousands of hours ) in startup failed. Thousands of dollars invested gone
• silicon valley lifestyle, noodles and 16 hours workdays, haven't been on vacation for 3 years.
• dead broke, I have literally $2 in my bank account. If my friend calls me for a coffee, I say I'm working even if I don't, cuz I can't afford it.
• would like to go to the gym, can't afford it.
• haven't had sex since my last break up ( 18 months ). Ended with cheating on her part.
• I can list you 10 fastest and the least painful ways how to kill yourself in like 10 seconds.
• living in my parents' basement
• my ex trying to f*** my best friend, just because she hates my guts ( dunno why cuz she left me ).
• isolated, depressed, no self-esteem whatsoever...

I'm not exaggerating. I don't know why I would. I don't want to play the game of who struggles more but I hope it gives you some perspective at least. I need to keep fighting. For me it's literally do or die right now.

That is going to be a tough one to beat but I am sure someone on here is going to top your story. I hope things turn around for you. Your parents won't at least pay for a gym membership just for your health. Join a Planet Fitness or something like that for 10 dollars a month?

 

[JohnsonDDG]

My situation right now:

• grandfather dying
• losing my hair like a motherfucker. I'm gone if I go bald, my face is ugly.
• 3 years of work ( thousands and thousands of hours ) in startup failed. Thousands of dollars invested gone
• silicon valley lifestyle, noodles and 16 hours workdays, haven't been on vacation for 3 years.
• dead broke, I have literally $2 in my bank account. If my friend calls me for a coffee, I say I'm working even if I don't, cuz I can't afford it.
• would like to go to the gym, can't afford it.
• haven't had sex since my last break up ( 18 months ). Ended with cheating on her part.
• I can list you 10 fastest and the least painful ways how to kill yourself in like 10 seconds.
• living in my parents' basement
• my ex trying to f*** my best friend, just because she hates my guts ( dunno why cuz she left me ).
• isolated, depressed, no self-esteem whatsoever...

I'm not exaggerating. I don't know why I would. I don't want to play the game of who struggles more but I hope it gives you some perspective at least. I need to keep fighting. For me it's literally do or die right now.

What is your degree in? What is your skill set?

I imagine getting a good, stable salaried job will begin the ball rolling and allow you to make the positive changes you need.

 

[CaptainForehead]

i'd be happy just with a family (wife, kids, a house of my own etc). i am employed now but i rent a 1 bedroom place, but i find it very hard to meet women as i am bald with a bad face for it.
one thing that helped my depression is getting a job that didn't completely suck. in my old job i was working long hours with little holidays, working solidly hard for 10 hours a day hardly ever getting time off. that was so soul crushing.
now i work 7 hours a day, and i get 12 weeks off a year, for more pay. (i work in a school). but as the wage is still low, i will need to quit it soon to get a higher paying job; which will mean hardly ever having time off again :-( this coupled with baldness, not sure if i have the mental stamina for it. but to afford a bigger place to raise children i will have to do it (of course if i never meet a wife, the money can go on a hair transplant)

one bad thing about working in a school is hair jealousy. honestly every single kid (aged 11 - 18) has the best NW1; in almost 10 years of being there only 1 pupil was above a NW2. it makes me feel that much older, decrepid, and as if i am already half dead when i compare how i look to the older students. it really makes you feel bad when you see a 14 year old boy who is much better looking than you are.

Do you really need a bigger place? I urge to consider this carefully. There have been studies on happiness which concluded that people adjust to bigger places.

12 weeks off, and sane work hours, priceless. You get to have a life.

 

[Saulus]

60 days paid vacation ? @Cue Bald
Nice man..even for european standard thats a lot..normal are 25- 30 days here

@itsjustsimon i hope things will get better for you soon..youre kinda right with perspective but i already knew before that rock bottom dont exist in real life

 

[blackg]

i'd be happy just with a family (wife, kids, a house of my own etc). i am employed now but i rent a 1 bedroom place, but i find it very hard to meet women as i am bald with a bad face for it.
one thing that helped my depression is getting a job that didn't completely suck. in my old job i was working long hours with little holidays, working solidly hard for 10 hours a day hardly ever getting time off. that was so soul crushing.
now i work 7 hours a day, and i get 12 weeks off a year, for more pay. (i work in a school). but as the wage is still low, i will need to quit it soon to get a higher paying job; which will mean hardly ever having time off again :-( this coupled with baldness, not sure if i have the mental stamina for it. but to afford a bigger place to raise children i will have to do it (of course if i never meet a wife, the money can go on a hair transplant)

one bad thing about working in a school is hair jealousy. honestly every single kid (aged 11 - 18) has the best NW1; in almost 10 years of being there only 1 pupil was above a NW2. it makes me feel that much older, decrepid, and as if i am already half dead when i compare how i look to the older students. it really makes you feel bad when you see a 14 year old boy who is much better looking than you are.

Does your hair loss cause others to look at you with suspicion in this school environment?

 

[itsjustsimon]

That is going to be a tough one to beat but I am sure someone on here is going to top your story. I hope things turn around for you. Your parents won't at least pay for a gym membership just for your health. Join a Planet Fitness or something like that for 10 dollars a month?

Thanks, means a lot. There’s no Planet Fitnes in my country, we have some kind of alternative but it’s 1 hour away (car). I just try to do my best at home and if some money comes along gym membershit is the first thing I’m buying. Parents? I can’t ask for more. They’ve invested a lot of money in my startup and it’s almost impossible for me to ask for more money without tears in my eyes (they’re almost 60 and overworked).

 

[itsjustsimon]

What is your degree in? What is your skill set?

I imagine getting a good, stable salaried job will begin the ball rolling and allow you to make the positive changes you need.

I’m a programmer. I though about that a million times and will probably go that route if things don’t get better. But I’m a little scared to be honest because I’ll need to move and you know what that means for social life...

 

[JohnsonDDG]

I’m a programmer. I though about that a million times and will probably go that route if things don’t get better. But I’m a little scared to be honest because I’ll need to move and you know what that means for social life...

Just do it. Quit making excuses and do it.

Get a salaried job and start rebuilding your life.

Right now you've lost your self respect - time to get it back.

 

[Cue Bald]

Does your hair loss cause others to look at you with suspicion in this school environment?

i'm lucky in that i was a NW1.5 when i started here 10 years ago so they have grown used to me being here, if i applied now as basically NW5 i doubt i'd have been hired.

and in a way it works in my favour as there is no way an impressionable young girl will fall for a bald man, when she might a 30 year old NW1

 

[blackg]

Thanks, means a lot. There’s no Planet Fitnes in my country, we have some kind of alternative but it’s 1 hour away (car). I just try to do my best at home and if some money comes along gym membershit is the first thing I’m buying

What country are you from, son?

 

[itsjustsimon]

What country are you from, son?

EU, Balkan ( pm if you would really like to know the country )

 

[JohnsonDDG]

EU, Balkan ( pm if you would really like to know the country )

As long as its not Kosovo

 

[LastSamurai]

I had a particularly rough day yesterday. I somehow woke up on the wrong side of bed.

I have to think about the things I can be grateful for, it helps me to counter balance the depressive thoughts.

I'm planning to start weight lifting again - waiting for people to drop the compensating thing - but hell, I want to get some self-respect back, and weight-lifting to me seems like a good place to start. No homo, but a well-built guy sort of stands out. It's seriously impressive. It seems all the more so in top European cities there is a growing divide of low class/ugly, and high class/attractive. And it seems muscles are gaining stronger social currency as a symbol of being a high class male. It shows you invest in yourself, you take your health seriously, you have the willpower to train over a long period to get your physique. I'm sick of feeling like a low class beta male who has no muscles and is balding. It's such a pathetic combination that I at least want to control the muscles part.

I know girls faun over men who have muscles. My current girlfriend and two past ex's displayed that they liked muscular guys. Which is not exactly rocket science, but it made me feel like sh*t when they said that, being an slightly of shape, slim but with a slight beer belly type guy. I'm not completely out of shape, but that doesn't mean I should have the right to be seen as highly attractive. We have to earn that right. No one gets by with just a pretty face.

There is surely a difference between compensating and looking after yourself. I pay attention to look for handsome looking bald men and ask myself what traits do they have, and how could I get it. Almost always, they will have one of more of the following: well-built, in shape. Does not have to be steroid freak big but nonetheless. Second, they often have a decent beard, and a well kept look. Third, they have an outfit that denotes power and / or respect. I saw a handsome policeman who was bald and had a beard today, and it made me realise the combination of his outfit, facial hair, the fact he was quite well-built all created a strong overall look.

Little moments like this make me feel there is hope. I have a strong intuitive feeling that it's time to shave my hair. Hell, I know people on here have said they tried it and it didn't work etc, but my hair is increasingly ugly. It's shape and the way it makes my forehead look so bulbous makes me quite depressed. Worst case scenario I just wait for it to grow back. Best case it actually looks quite good. I'm just sick of seeing my shitty looking hairline. The top of my head looks like a dying wispy plant. It looks so beta.

I'm planning to get a muscular physique, a strong beard, and SMP. I think that could be a really strong overall look coupled with a cool outfit, smart yet cool clothes. This is entirely fantasy when I look at my current face, body and reality, but I don't see why its not something I can look towards and try and cultivate.

I signed up to my old gym, going tonight.

 

[itsjustsimon]

As long as its not Kosovo

No, probably should be grateful for that