Having Full head of hair would change my life
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I feel like dudemon is one of the few on these forums who actually points out the reality. I have spent a lot of time trying to put things in perspective etc, it is not working. I am now 19 years old and my right temple hit NW3 after using propecia for a month. Which is already dumb because its a pretty heavy drug to take for cosmetic reasons. No f*****g clue how its gonna turn out, it might 'slow' down the process. In the end I am going to look like sh*t in a few years, since I'm not even good looking with this Norwood 2.5. I don't really care about my uni school anymore, I don't want to jog or play soccer like I did because when I sweat my hairloss is obvious. I am terrified of the future me, I hate this hairline I have right now, so when I'll turning out a Norwood 3 in a few weeks, months, years (even if it takes 10 years I'm 29?!) I'll probably just off myself. The only good days I have left are the days in denial. Don't show me a picture of vin diesel either, as I'm not gonna grow up to be a hollywood star.
andrei_eremenko
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to be honest...95% of users from here will not fix the hairloss problem...you don't have that scince to produce infinite hair...so...the hair loss will gain...nowdays only way to have back a full head of hair is to wear a hairpiece...it's not so easy to wear it but it can improve your life a lot!
andrei_eremenko
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i'm saying that 95% of members will be bald...because they can not defeat the crap...
BrightonBaldy said:
Just throwin it out there: It's YOUR FAULT if you're always "seen as a buddy".
I have no idea why I came back to this thread; its funny (but mostly sad) that you can't get past your theory that balding 'ruins' your chances with women.
Attraction is not a choice for women. You can influence them being attracted to you.
Of course you're going to argue this all day and you can prove me wrong and be like, "see, I tried to pick up that woman at the book store, but all she saw was my big bald head, BOO HOO!!!! :sobbing: "
But that's kind of a moot point, isn't it? Because the fact is, you BELIEVE that your balding affects your ability to form relationships. And so it reflects in your personality.
AKA you lack confidence.
I'm 23 years old. I'm a diffuse NW3. Not only do I have large bare spots on my crown, my hairline has receded and thinned out. So I shave it off. I'm pretty short (5'8") and my teeth are crooked. I still get pimples, it drives me nuts.
I go out and joke with women, tease them, build attraction, get their numbers and build relationships. One night stands tend to get easier and easier. I just got out of a 2 year relationship -- we mutually broke up.
I am not a natural at this. I'm still learning. Heck, I'm afraid of public speaking, I over-analyze things and I get shaky when calling someone on the phone. And, physically, I'm not a typically-desirable guy.
What's your excuse again?
Did you have a transplant, and now your strip scars are exposed? My ex-business partner just turned 50 this year and had 3 unsuccessful strip surgeries in his late 30's / early 40's. Looks like he has doll hairs on top of his head. So he shaves it off.
After partying his *** off and thumping like a jack rabbit, he's in a solid relationship with a hot chick. He's 5'5"... the dude is a midget. He's not loaded, either, so it's not a money thing.
So, I ask... What's your excuse again?
thetodd
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Well, as a general rule good looking people tend to pick good looking mates, but a hot chick is more likely to fall for an average guy than the other way around. At least that's what I've seen in my life. Unless you're hideous looking, confidence can sway things in your favor a bit. That or a whole lot of money...s.a.f said:
I've seen unattractive women with above-average looking men, yes. :gay:s.a.f said:
Just like I've seen bald, fat men with gorgeous women. :gay2:
Sure, money could have an influence. But then personality could, too. Or looks.
I think the title of the thread should be extended:
I'm kind of stumped about this quote:
What other "crap" do you mean? Again, because of my aggressive hairloss, I BIC my head every other day. People still respond to me the same way.
Sure, my friends bug me for being bald, but everyone has their woes.
I've seen extremely attractive women "go at" each other because of jealousy of looks.
How is that any different?
BrightonBaldy
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KANGA- Dont preach to me about it being my fault I'm unattractive to women, its totally out of my hands. I know for sure Ive a good personality, I know Im in good shape, I know I earn well and sadly I know that 3 years ago when I was your age, I had a full head of hair and could get any woman I wanted. The only thing thats changed is I'm now bald, Ive always been confident and stood out in the circles I move in, amongst all my work mates and friends I'm the only one that came from real poverty and have always put on a harder edge that the posh girls loved, with hair I was a stud and now without it most strangers or new people think Im a total c***.
Fat girls spend fortunes on make up, clothes, hair, tans etc and can be very out going, but it will never make me go after them, I can understand fully why my options are limited now.
Dont waste youre time replying that its all in my head, its impossible for you too question experiences personal to me.
Fat girls spend fortunes on make up, clothes, hair, tans etc and can be very out going, but it will never make me go after them, I can understand fully why my options are limited now.
Dont waste youre time replying that its all in my head, its impossible for you too question experiences personal to me.
BrightonBaldy said:
Your posts are very interesting to me...(for the sake of this argument I went back and found some that were quite revealing).
Firstly, what I don't get is that you acknowledge that a bald guy CAN still be attractive correct? You're trying to argue that baldness has made YOU unattractive even though you always had a short buzz to begin with...I mean I get the whole diminishing hairline thing, but how has it made you THAT unattractive in your mind? If you have a handsome face then how has it completely destroyed your looks like you claim?
The funny part is...you provide answers for why you're so much less successful IN YOUR OWN POSTS that have nothing to do with hair. You've said stuff like "I've had one night out in the past 2 years that I've relaxed and enjoyed, for somebody who used to go out 4 times a week its been massive." So you've made it clear that you can no longer go out and be a relaxed, stress free person...you've also said how you've changed your approach with ladies (because you THINK you can't get them anymore). "Before it was very much take me as I am or piss off, now I've heard myself talking utter garbage to women just for the attention." So you've pretty much admitted how you're insecure about your hairloss and you no longer have the same attitude that girls find attractive...you've adopted a more supplicating, desperate attitude because of what you THINK hairloss has done....but OH NO, of course it can't be because of any other reason than hairloss itself...nevermind the fact you've even admitted how its made you insecure and more desperate, which are two traits that women can sense in a man...and that they HATE. Guys who are successful with women are just naturally able to HAVE FUN and bring a positive energy...you've ADMITTED that is no longer the case for you.
True story...most of my childhood and adolescence, I was fat....it was a big reason I was insecure and I thought it made me unattractive to women...I convinced myself it was the case and hell, it prbly was. Anyways...over a few month span I lost a lot of weight but I still didn't see it when I looked in the mirror. I thought I was still "overweight enough that I wouldn't be able to hook up with or date ANY women"...any time I'd meet new girls I would still have it ingrained in my mind that they couldn't view me in a sexual way because of my being overweight. It wasn't even a question to me, the same way you are convinced your lack of success has been due to your hairloss...I was JUST AS convinced. The funny thing is...a while later I saw some pictures of me while I was on vacation that I hadn't looked at in a while and I saw that I actually wasn't fat or even overweight...I was closer to "skinny" than anything. Yet all that time I had been living the reality that I was still overweight and it was the reason I was being rejected by girls just as it had been when I was younger. MY belief that I was still fat had created the same REALITY to me, despite the fact that it WASN'T true at all.
Why can't you even accept the possibility that your mind is working the same way? That the real difference between now and then is that before you weren't WORRIED about your hairloss because it didn't exist. Then it started happening and negative thoughts started creeping in your mind...before you knew it, it was your REALITY that you were much more unattractive and that HAD to be the only reason why things were different with girls. And from there on out, every interaction with girls now fueled that belief because you were pretty much LOOKING for something negative to happen...I mean seriously...if you see yourself as a " 3 or 4 out of 10 or some bullshit like that then clearly its going to affect how you think girls see you. Even if you can "fake" the confidence, the fact that you have lost your carefree, don't give a f*** attitude is going to make a major difference on your interactions with women....can you deny that you feel a lot more negative than you once did? Even if you think you have a valid reason (because in your mind girls no longer find you attractive) the mere fact that you carry around this pessimism and negativity is going to greatly affect your social interactions. You're telling yourself that "new people I meet think I'm a C**t" and then you even have the nerve to wonder why it seems that way?! Cmn man...you're not above this psychological sh*t. You tell yourself this negative bullshit and its going to come true in your mind.
and seriously..if you wanna prove you're so ugly, why don't you post a picture of your before self as a "stud" and your after self as "ugly"?
dudemon said:
lol...by sharing a success story that he can still live his life despite hairloss, that IS offering support...way more support than you've ever offered. I was actually really happy to read his posts and I offer my thanks...because there are times I DO get down about my hairloss, being so young and all...reading his post was actually quite helpful.
and when you say he doesn't know JACK about the "male buddy vs. sexual partner" thing....well, no offense, but if hes using his methods to become physically intimate with girls despite not being the best looking guy...well then he DOES in fact seem to know a lot more about how the dynamics of male-female interactions work than you do.
Look...if you're not an attractive man and have an unattractive hairstyle (unfortunately a lot of women are going to find the thin, wispy look to be quite a turnoff) because of hair transplants that YOU chose to get...then thats YOUR problem, and I truly feel bad for your predicament. (even though Kanga provided an example of a man who had hair transplant's when he was younger and chose to accept his past mistakes and shave his head regardless, which shows TRUE confidence in himself). However, don't try to pass of YOUR experience as a universal "bald man" reality. Because its YOUR reality. If girls find you repulsive and you happen to be bald...it doesn't mean they find all bald men repulsive, but you seem quite content on trying to prove that no matter what...most women will find most bald men repulsive because that is your way of reconciling YOUR OWN failures with women. You turn baldness into the excuse...not YOURSELF. Its the exact same as a really unnatractive woman with small breasts trying to convince others that "if you have small breasts then MOST men are going to be repulsed and turned off by you and go for a woman with larger breasts, no matter WHAT you look like otherwise and how you act." That simply ISN'T true. Don't try to drag all bald men down to your level just because you may be unattractive and happen to be bald.
BrightonBaldy
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qball01 said:
Like I said to KANGA, its not possible for you to know better than me what I have experienced since losing my hair.
Everything youve accussed me of you are guilty of yourself, you read very different posts yet interpret them all the same way, adding your own spin into the replies, I actually dont mind tbh. Why post certain words in capital letters? It makes your own exagerations and delusions all the more obvious, its clear form the above reply what it is you focus on when browsing this site.
Where have I claimed that my looks have been destroyed? I wasnt hit by a bus ffs.
MY posts are all from MY personal experience, imo theres a very very fine line men have to cross to go from being good looking to being ugly, I've never been the most pretty boy in the world but it was because I was never a pretty-boy that I stood out amongst my peers. Losing my hair made me ugly, you can get away with a whole lot more with women when you look better, theres no need for words in capital letters to emphasise any of that, its just the way it is.
Dudemon is correct in everything he's said.
uncomfortable man
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I always had a feeling that you were fat, when I pictured what you'd look like in my mind...which is why it is kinda funny that you coax another member to show his pictures when you've never divulged any of your own. C'mon, let's see that beautiful NW5 Qboy!qball01 said:
In regards to your own personal story, you say that being fat was the cause of your insecurity and that insecurity was the REAL reason for your failures with women. But it wasn't until you noticed your physical improvement that you realized that your insecurities were unfounded. What if you never lost that weight? What if you got even fatter? Would you have still had that revelation? Would you have been able to CHOOSE to not let your obesity affect your confidence, despite still getting negative feedback from women? Because after all, it wasn't being fat that caused you to be insecure...it was your choice to believe that being fat somehow made you unattractive to women that was the true cause of your insecurities, right?
uncomfortable man said:
Lol at you always picturing me fat...shows an example of a prejudice you harbour towards overweight people perhaps? Being that your negative image of me was aligned with you thinking I must be fat...lol Perhaps you're just as guilty of harbouring hidden prejudices as the people you blame of being bias towards bald people.
Buuuuut...you completely missed the point of my example. The point I was trying to make was that when I lost the weight, it took my mind some time to actually catch up to the fact and accept that I was not overweight. Not only was I convinced that I was still physically overweight (which wasn't even the case) but I continued to live the reality that I was being rejected BECAUSE I was overweight even when I wasn't overweight. However, my mind was convinced it was still the case. I also experienced what it was like to go out feeling depressed and down, and as a result have some truly awful nights...even when I was wearing a hat. I believed I was still overweight and on top of that I had low energy and was nervous. I didn't get a good response from people at all it had nothing to do with how I looked...I didn't even look that bad at all IMO but I felt like I was an outcast every time I went out and man, it was tough. Reflecting back, it shows how powerful my mind was in convincing me that the false reality I harboured was actually real. That is why I challenge these beliefs that guys like you and dudemon and Brighton are posting, because I know what its like to actually be wrong despite feeling certain that these external things I blamed were the problem. What made me come to this realization was looking at photographs a couple of years after they were taken. I saw that I actually wasn't overweight at all and was closer to skinny. My major epiphany came when I could still remember moments during that time when the pictures were taken where I thought I was still overweight and that it was the cause of a lot of my misery, much the same way you are convinced baldness is the cause of your misery. (Side note..when I would meet people, I was still conviced that they were judging me negatively for being overweight despite the fact in retrospect I know it wasn't the case because I wasn't overweight anymore at all...sound familiar to the way you're convinced of your own prejudices?) I realized that the thoughts I had at the time were in no way a representation of the actual reality. I realized that MY mind had been completely incorrect regarding the events that had happened to me at the time despite the fact I was fully convinced otherwise at the time. Do you see my point? Its also why I refer people to GBoy's thread...notice how you're fully convinced his hairloss is very minor at worst(which we mostly all agree with) but hes convinced that his negative social interactions are due to his hairloss? Is it not safe to say that it really isn't the case? In fact you probably felt like his assertion was condescending due to the fact he doesn't even have noticeable hairloss whereas you do, am I right? But if you ask him...its the cause of all his woes.
And Brighton, while I don't know any better than you what is going on in your life obviously...I can state that your interpretations of what is causing your struggles does not necessarily have to be correct at all just because its happening to you....often times we are our own worst critics and are unable to see the full picture from an unbias point of view. All I was trying to point out is that even in YOUR OWN posts, you have given evidence that would suggest potential other causes for your struggles with women. Just because you don't acknolwedge them as potential problems, it doesn't mean they aren't. The fact is..you have admitted that you see yourself as ugly, that you have had only one fun, relaxed night in the past two years, and that you've felt like due to the ugliness you think you now embody, you have to change your approach when talking to women...you no longer feel that same sense of entitlement that you did. And I bet that when you were "a stud" your mind wasn't filled with these negative thoughts that you're now stuck with (such as that you're ugly and women don't like you). Basically, you've even (perhaps unknowingly) listed the reasons that you are struggling with women...reasons that have nothing to do with being bald, and then you're just labeling baldness as the reason you're struggling. You're mentally setting yourself up to fail every time by telling yourself this negative sh*t..."I'm ugly to women, I'm a 4/10, women don't want me anymore now that I'm bald"...you can't even feel relaxed on nights anymore (by your own admission) and then you wonder why it doesn't work out? I'm sorry man, you seem like a smart guy, but if you can't logically see how you may have some other problems that don't involve your looks then you're blind to the facts. The fact is...women don't want to be with negative men who can't relax and enjoy their surroundings and feel comfortable with themselves and their environment. And its also clear that you've lost the ability to feel happy, care free and relaxed and that you indeed don't feel fully at ease with yourself...so how can it all only be because you're bald?
uncomfortable man
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I have nothing against fat people, I just have a thing for profiling but I understand what you meant.. it was a story about perception. You must have had BDD if what you were seeing in the mirror was literally still a fat guy. Maybe you are missing my point though- you said that you blamed your failures with women on being fat... but women weren't rejecting you because you were fat, they were rejecting you because of how you CHOSE to feel about being fat, which just so happened to be insecure. Why was that? What informed you to feel that way? You are always trying to convince me that it isn't my baldness that is the cause of my problems, rather how I respond to my baldness, right? I'm not going to come out of being bald, like you came out of being fat. I'm not going to grow a full head of hair and still THINK I am a bald man for a few years until I see an old picture of myself and realize, "Hey I'm not even bald anymore, I guess I was worrying that whole time for nothing." It wasn't until you undergone the physical transformation that you had your mental one, you could even say they were dependent on one another. So if you have instead gained even more weight, would you have still been able to take your own advice about not using your obesity as a scapegoat for your unhappiness and have the inner strength to CHOOSE to not let being fat negatively affect your self-esteem? That is my question to you.
I can kinda see both sides of the argument. No doubt baldness will take some attractiveness away from a man, unless you are lucky and happen to look better bald, which usually is not the case.
However, I noticed most posters here are usually looking for hot girls etc, and generally categorize women into 2 categories, hot or fat... Thing is, there is always a middle ground. It may be a stereotype, but I believe most hot girls are by nature quite shallow and generally prefer to associate with hot guys. However, I was never hot myself so I cannot really give an opinion on this. Nonetheless, I believe most guys will do better if they try to build a relationship with women around them rather than picking random girls in a bar or club...
It will be much easier and fulfilling if you get into a relationship with someone whom you know pretty well and can get along well with. Relationship is not just about sex but also a connection of the minds.
However, what Qball said is not without merit. It is true that the world is a reflection of what is in your mind. I will be the first to admit that I am extremely stressed over my hairloss, minor as it is compared to most experienced poster here, to the point that I am having trouble sleeping. Nothing is a larger turn-off than an insecure man or a man uncomfortable in his own skin. Gosh I feel hypocritical saying this given my own situation. Such vibe can be easily picked up by women and it will be another point taken off you, the first being baldness.
Thus I feel that given our baldness, which is already a handicap, there is no point in further beating ourselves down. This will only lead to us being less confident and hence less attractive. Think of it this way, you can either be bald and lack self-esteem, or you can be bald and maintain your self-esteem. Pretty clear which situation is preferable to me.
Finally, with regard to posters getting rejected over their baldness. I do not pretend to understand your frustration. However, perhaps it might be beneficial to observe how other bald men win their partners, or set a more realistic target. Like i said, there is a continuum between hot and not, and it is always easier to start off a relationship by getting to know the girl first instead of thinking about sex...
However, I noticed most posters here are usually looking for hot girls etc, and generally categorize women into 2 categories, hot or fat... Thing is, there is always a middle ground. It may be a stereotype, but I believe most hot girls are by nature quite shallow and generally prefer to associate with hot guys. However, I was never hot myself so I cannot really give an opinion on this. Nonetheless, I believe most guys will do better if they try to build a relationship with women around them rather than picking random girls in a bar or club...
It will be much easier and fulfilling if you get into a relationship with someone whom you know pretty well and can get along well with. Relationship is not just about sex but also a connection of the minds.
However, what Qball said is not without merit. It is true that the world is a reflection of what is in your mind. I will be the first to admit that I am extremely stressed over my hairloss, minor as it is compared to most experienced poster here, to the point that I am having trouble sleeping. Nothing is a larger turn-off than an insecure man or a man uncomfortable in his own skin. Gosh I feel hypocritical saying this given my own situation. Such vibe can be easily picked up by women and it will be another point taken off you, the first being baldness.
Thus I feel that given our baldness, which is already a handicap, there is no point in further beating ourselves down. This will only lead to us being less confident and hence less attractive. Think of it this way, you can either be bald and lack self-esteem, or you can be bald and maintain your self-esteem. Pretty clear which situation is preferable to me.
Finally, with regard to posters getting rejected over their baldness. I do not pretend to understand your frustration. However, perhaps it might be beneficial to observe how other bald men win their partners, or set a more realistic target. Like i said, there is a continuum between hot and not, and it is always easier to start off a relationship by getting to know the girl first instead of thinking about sex...
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Vanzzzz said:
I may be biased, but i'm pretty damn bald, and my wife is smokin hot
unk:
Smooth
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uncomfortable man said:
My thought exactly!
You were fat ==> then realized that you were fat, then realized that girls dont go for you cause your fat, which on top of being fat lead you being depressed over a REAL problem !! you fixed that problem and was still locked in that state of mind, but once you realized that your not fat anymore you began to gain your confident back...... conclusion: you have to fix the REAL core issue in order to escape the state of mind. ie, the ones who are bald, are screwed up since you cant cure baldness.
(your own logic qball.. not mine :shakehead: )