losing myself

[SadMom]

Anyone else feel that in dealing with hairloss, you are just losing yourself? I mean, I just don't feel like the same person anymore. Inside or out. Just like the exhaustion and worry and shock of it all has left me so much less of who I used to be. A little less joyful, a little less happy, a little less peaceful, a little less willing to laugh, a little less willing to get together with friends.

I guess with enough strength and courage I could rise above that and be willing to do all this in spite of it all. But most days, I don't feel I have that much strength. I try and think that if a good friend was going through this, I'd have all this wonderful supportive stuff to tell her about how she is still the same person and it doesn't change her at all.

But, I don't really believe it I guess when it comes to me.

Julie

 

[karen]

:cry: please do not feel like you are alone,believe me your not,and i know exactly how you feel as i feel the same,i have had chronic diffuse hairloss now for 2 years,trying to explain this to my nearest and dearest is very difficult,obviously as there not going through the same its hard 2 understand,but for the last 2 years i have felt like a black clowd is allways over my head,and whatever i do wherever i go its allways there,i am constantly looking in the mirror at my hair,allways in tears,and its left me very dippressed,i am not the happy go lucky peron i was,please feel free to email me,we can keep in touch ,maybe it would help,many thanks,karen, email [email protected]

 

[mariejoe]

I agree and sympathize with you both. Except, my sweetie is pretty supportive. But you remember how your hair used to be and how you could wear it...and now
I know my stylist is freaked and doesn't really know what to say. I'm lucky that SO FAR, most people would not guess the situation. But at some point, if it doesn't QUIT shedding...it's scary and I don't know why me, my family has not real hair thinning problems that I could see. I hardly think my dad in this late 60s counts, his hair was always kinda thin anyhow. What happened to my hair, my crowning glory.
And all the time spent looking for answers and posting here and now I also go to lowcarber.org. AARRGGHHHH :roll:
What pisses me off, this probably would have all been avoided if I didn't let a gyn talk me inot synthetic HRT. :evil:

 

[Rozzy252]

I totally can understand where you all are coming from. This has been hitting me for 2 years and now I'm supposed to have a hair biopsy. The sad part is that I'm really, really starting to see scalp in the mirror without moving my hair around....so this is happening quickly. My wedding is coming up in 3 months....and to my horror I put my hair half up in the mirror the other day and realized how much my hair is receding. You can see scalp. My fiance is as supportive as he can be...he can see my sadness every time I pick off a loose hair from my clothing. This really hasn't been a good week though. Yesterday, we buried my 28 yr old cousin who was hit by a car last week. He has a 3 week old baby at home. Yesterday....I was mourning him during the service...then sobbed even more as I picked a hair off my arm for the 5th time that day. I was trying to rationalize being depressed about my hairloss verses someone who didn't derserve to die. I can beat my head against the wall many times ( and probably loose more hair while I was at it) trying to figure out why losing hair is sooooooo bloody devasting yet it was trivial compared to my cousins' death. I concluded today as I still have my depressed cloud raining over me that rationalizing during stressfull situations is not productive. I was able to sob, cry , be angry yesterday and I think it helped to cry about my hairloss as well. I think being here in this forum helps. I wish I could wave my magic wand and give us all our freakin teenage hair back. And then I'd give us a load of cash as well (hey why not?) There are somedays I wish we could supply a picture of eachother's hairline so we can offer support and reassurance to eachother and offer tips. (don't get me wrong...there is support right now even without the pics).
I will leave it at this on a lighter note. Today I was getting ready to drive back to Ottawa (where I live) and I had a pair of jeans on. I was in the mirror grabbing my love handles and trying to lift my boobs with my hands to where they were when I was 16. Richard (my fiance) was looking at me strangly and asked......what the hell are you doing??? well I answered him.....I was thinking about what cosmetic surgery I would get when I finished medical school and started making a decent salary. First....I would get some liposuction on my hips and ***. (my family is notorious for a nice derriere....it grows with age). Then, I would get a boob job and lift them so I wouldn't have to tuck them in my belt one day. Richard was horrified at this point. " And lastly, for my head....since the chances of me having hair at that point are slim....I'm going to get a nice piece of berber carpet sewn on my head". Richard smiled and told me that berber is a nice carpet....I will look good with berber carpet on my head...but the cats will use it as a scratch post....AHhhh....I told him...I can't win....

 

[SadMom]

good days and bad

I've only been losing hair for a year, and had some months where it stopped and regrew, and I can already see scalp and have a lot of recession that's plenty noticeable even when dry and hairsprayed to maximum fullness (that's a joke). I don't know why if this has to happen it has to be so stinking rapid!!

Anyways, I have some good days. Some days, I know I cannot accomplish what's ahead of me for that day if I think about my hair too much. I can't meet my kids needs, or get my work done. So, I determine that since I still have hair on my head for today, that has to be good enough and I'm going to let it go. Which I can sometimes do for that one day.

I realize on those days, that a cool breeze still feels amazing, even if I don't have all my hair. That my baby's laugh is still the most wonderful sound, even if I don't have all my hair. A piece of watermelon still is as juicy and sweet, even if I don't have all my hair. Life *could* still be as good.

But on the bad days, nothing will even make up for this loss and make it alright again. Nothing will ever convince me that this is ok. That it doesn't matter. And the fear of what's yet to come (it's already so bad that I will never be able to wear or style it very well even if I don't shed anymore), how bad it will get, how limited my options may be, what if the treatments don't work, etc..... just overwhelm me.

Unfortunately I feel this way more often than not. Always looking at other women's hair. Wishing this would just STOP! Cursing every hair I find laying on my shoulder. Cursing the doctors who don't help, don't care what's causing this. Hoping the new docs I see soon will offer help, and not the final condemnation to any hope I have left.

Julie

 

[vanessa]

The worst for me is washing my hair. On the days that I do I am so upset. SO hard to see the moundfuls of hair that begin to accumulate in my sink. And then I look at my pictures from a year ago and wonder how it all happened. I am trying to be proactive, but the thought of being a slave to all these topical solutions for the rest of my life is also depressing.

I am just hoping that I still have enough hair by next July to have a decent hairstyle for my wedding. At this rate, though, I dont know.

 

[SadMom]

I wash my hair everyday, because it's too thin and oily otherwise, plus it gets too sweaty exercising. So, I hate each morning when it's time to wash. I agree about being a slave to those things... even if they work, I don't like the idea of spending the money and dealing with them for DECADES!!

Julie

 

[jvantin1]

Do what I do. Before you wash your hair, turn your head upside down and shake the loose hairs off. Use the palms of your hands to rake down the length of your hair. Then pick up those hairs, without looking, and throw them out. For some reason, it's much less traumatic to see dry hair on the floor (although you don't have to look if you don't want to) than wet hair inthe shower drain.

Ah...the completely insane stuff hair loss prompts us to do.

 

[badina]

best suggestion

Julie,

I suggest you to try Gerovital H3 products.
I bought online the "Special Hair Care Kit " (hair lotion + shampoo&conditioneer - for hair loss maded) and I'm very very proud of my choice.
Also be ware to buy the original product (produced in Romania) - I suggest you the store I used : http://www.markastore.ro or your local supplier (must be produced in romania by the Gerovital Cosmetics SA -Bucharest). The partner of the store is the original supplier of this products - Gerovital Cosmetics SA Bucharest.

I hardly recommend to try ....is not very expensive.

Be strong and have fun,
A

 

[mariejoe]

Not interested in stuff without ingredients. Romania?
If this stuff is so good, how come no one ever heard of it?

 

[SadMom]

stupid question

This is probably a stupid question.... stemming from my total obsession to understand which type of hairloss I'm experiencing. I see one specialist this week, another next week and hopefully they'll help.

For those of you who know you have Androgenetic Alopecia type hairloss.... have you lost hair at the sides? Has your hairline receeded, or can you just see a shaddow of it now where stunted stubble is? And, have you just lost hair on top, that hasn't really affected your overall density a lot? Or, have you become much thinner everywhere?

I've been noticing (especially while camping and washing and air drying my hair without styling products :freaked2: ) that I am really VERY thin EVERYWHERE. I am very thin on top.... very. But I am also much thinner everywhere. I wonder if this indicates some sort of diffuse loss instead of Androgenetic Alopecia.

Actually I'm so hoping it's anything but Androgenetic Alopecia, as I've not heard much positive in the way of winning that battle from anyone, anywhere. But honestly, I have become paper-thin all over my head. Any ideas?

Julie

 

[mariejoe]

Sad Mom,

After posting here, and other places, since February, I've noticed a few things. My thinning seemed to start at the top and sides, but is now diffuse, as confirmed by my stlyist.
I can point to two events that triggered my hair loss: Beginning HRT and beginning Atkins. I believe this means two separate episodes of Telogen Effluvium. I have been told it is Telogen Effluvium, and also that it will grow back in time, but probably will never be as thick as it was. Good thing I used to have tons of fine hair. I now feel less :freaked2: :freaked2:
Wish the atkins-based shedding would stop, although it seems to be abating.

Unfortunatley, you had sorta thin hair to start with, didn't you?
Didn't your hair loss start after childbirth? Maybe with this last child, your hormones are more out of whack, or maybe you are beginning the slow road to perimenopause (can start in 30's-40's).

Let me know, I can pass on more info in that area.

I know the stress of obsessing doesn't help. :laugh:

 

[SadMom]

My hair has always been on the thin and fine side. Family genetics there. I used to think I had thin hair! But I really didn't know thin. They say thick hair has a ponytail the size of a quarter, medium like a nickel, and thin like a dime. Well, mine used to be between a dime and quarter sized, and now doesn't even register. It's like half the diameter of a dime.

I did begin losing after childbirth. I had lost heavier and heavier after each child, but never with receeding areas, and never anywhere close to this bad. Plus, without much worry, and no doctors, etc.... it always corrected itself.

I lost hair a lot between 2-7 mo pp. Which I understand is typical, even though maybe the amount I lost wasn't. Then it stopped, and did fill back in a lot. It wasn't totally normal, but it had gotten much better. Then, at 10 mo pp, it started to shed heavily.... it sheds more heavily now than it did the first time. I don't know what triggered it.

I'm still nursing my baby, so haven't gotten cycles back because of that. I guess it could be perimenopause, but my mom didn't finish having her cycles til nearly 53 yo. I wasn't expecting it too soon.

I just hope so much that even if it's not the answers I want, these 2 new doctors can give me some solid ones I can count on as accurate. I just need to know what I'm dealing with for sure, so I can decide what I will do about it.

Julie

 

[mariejoe]

Perimenopause is what leads up to menopause, and it can go on for quite a few years before cycling stops. You might be like your mom and not quit when the time she did.
OTOH, every woman is different.

It is sstrange about your last shed. You can think of nothing could have triggered it, no idetary change, stress, new supplement? That would puzzle moe, for sure.
It might be your hormones are doing something, but what, I don't know.

I can only suggest you read up on perimenopause and see if it could fit. http://www.power-surge.com/cgi-bin/newsearch/search.pl has some interivew/chats with doctors in the field.
Also Dr. John lee has researched estensively on hormone balance. YOu might want to read What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause: Balance Your Hormones and Your Life from Thirty to Fifty:
by John R. Lee, M.D., Jesse Hanley, M.D. and Virginia Hopkins
Warner Books, 1999 His website exerpts the first chapter, http://www.johnleemd.net/books/premenopause_01.html


I, like you, had to grasp at many straws to find answers. I hope this ionfo can help you a little. Keep in touch, maybe my brain will get an idea later on.

How long has your latest shed been going? :roll: Maybe it'll stop on its own soon. Isure hope mine does, it's been about 2 months now. :roll: :roll:

 

[SadMom]

My last shed began the end of May. It's been going on forever it seems like. And I'm losing more per day than I ever did at all during the 4-5 mo pp shedding. I look so gross.

I've got thyroid problems, autoimmune problems, and it could always be horomone problems I guess. But I've dealt with all these things in the past, and never had hairloss like this. So I am stumped.

Julie

 

[mariejoe]

SadMom,

Didn't your hair loss always get worse after each birth, too?

I can see why you are so confused. I suppose you have ruled out the thyroid and autoimmune issues?

I really think Dr. John Lee's book on perimenopause might be good for you to read. It's only about $11.00 and postage at amazon.com You don't necessarily have to be in perimenopause, but you are in you 30's, I think, and that would be his target audience.

In his book of menopause, which I have read, he mentions autoimmune diseases and the thyroid and how they are often helped by progesterone therapy. These things may all be loosely related. And the nice thing with progesterone therapy, if you ever go that route: no prescription is needed.
Maybe your library even has a copy.
It could help your confusion.

 

[SadMom]

I haven't been able to rule out anything yet, as not one Dr. has wanted to run a single test. I hope in this next week as I see two new specialists, they will be more willing to be proactive on my behalf.

I can't stop stressing about this. I'm sure my family wishes I would. But it is so devastating to me. I cannot believe how much I've lost in the past 2 1/2 months. My hair density has changed so much and scalp is visible where it wasn't before. I didn't think Androgenetic Alopecia progressed this way. But can't think of why it'd be Telogen Effluvium either.

I can't get over this hopeless feeling, that no matter the cause, it will be difficult to uncover, and nearly impossible to treat. And that even if I get an *answer*, it may never lead to my getting my hair back.

I just hope for a compassionate Dr. who understands that I need answers, not just advice to visit the Rogaine aisle. I'm not willing to do that unless I know for sure what I'm dealing with.

Julie

 

[jvantin1]

Julie...

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you're suffering. And having lost hair myself, I can totally relate to your pain.

I'm just wondering...and I don't want to be presumptuous...whether it's possible for you to look at yourself in the mirror without flinching and say, "F*** it. I'm not my hair. I will not let this destroy me. I absolutely refuse to let this ruin my life. F*** you, hair loss. Kiss my a**." (Honestly, I find that the curse words help.)

Not to sound like a Hallmark card, but while you do what you can to save your hair (and have you tried Toppik and the thickening shampoos? I think Toppik rocks), please try to remember that there's so much more to us than our hair. I know it's trite. I really do. But it's so TRUE.

I've been where you are. My shedding has stabilized--for now--but I know I'll never have the head of hair I used to. And yet, if it starts shedding again gets really, really thin, I'm going to buy the best wig I can afford. And when people ask, I'll say, "Yep. It's a wig. After I went off Depo, my hair fell out."

They'll only ask once--if they ask at all--and that will be the end of it.

I'm not trying to make light of your pain. I'm just saying that once you look at yourself fully in the mirror, and accept that this IS HAPPENING, and that YOU WILL SURVIVE, you may start to feel just a tiny bit better.

But even that tiny bit is better than the hell you're in now, right?

Thinking of you.

J

 

[mariejoe]

I haven't been able to rule out anything yet, as not one Dr. has wanted to run a single test. I hope in this next week as I see two new specialists, they will be more willing to be proactive on my behalf.

...I can't get over this hopeless feeling, that no matter the cause, it will be difficult to uncover, and nearly impossible to treat. And that even if I get an *answer*, it may never lead to my getting my hair back.

I just hope for a compassionate Dr. who understands that I need answers, not just advice to visit the Rogaine aisle. I'm not willing to do that unless I know for sure what I'm dealing with.Julie

I really hope one of these doctors has some insight into your problem. You would think the thyroid and autoimmune issues would set off a red flag to them re: your hair loss.
But, if your hormones are the issue, with time, you should be able to rebalance them.
However, I've been told it most likely won't be 100% regrowth.

Try and stay positive. And calm. I got so upset at the endo, she almost wanted to give my oral spironolactone for my blood pressure :laugh: .
Are your appts. with female drs.? They might be better able to relate, esp. if in their 40's-50's.

And remember, no matter what the doctors do or don't say, that doesn't mean you won't be able to figure this out, eventually.

I'll be thinking about you...good luck, in advance.

 

[vanessa]

It is frustrating not to know the source of your hiarloss. I find that trying to differentiate bx Androgenetic Alopecia and Telogen Effluvium is rather difficult. especially if the Telogen Effluvium is not caused by something in your bloodwork. I was diagnosed with Telogen Effluvium b/c my dermatologist thought I was too young to have Androgenetic Alopecia. Yet, he didnt even bother to ask me if there is hairloss in my family...which both my mom and dad have.
So I think I have Androgenetic Alopecia, but then again this hasnt been a gradual loss of hair. I have been shedding heavily since April. I dont lose so much in the shower, but when I comb my hair out it is non-stop. I used to have pretty thick and curly hair. Now my hair is very thin all over and really thin at the sides. I have also found that my hair is different now. It cant hold a style and it is difficult to do anything but a middle part.

I am on Rogaine, but I would have to say it is making me feel worse because this four week shed period has pushed my hair to the thinnest it's ever been.

I am going to a new dermatologist in Sept, who has more experience with hairloss than the previous one. I am going to see if I can get her to test my hormones. But then, if you have Androgenetic Alopecia does it even matter about your hormones?