No matter how hard I try I still cant cope with NW1:s

[Vox]

If you are in tip top condition - good health, good fitness, if you are have a decent style and aim to look smart. If you have a good attitude to life, then hairloss alone really shouldnt be that much of a problem.

While I agree generally with what you say, the too many "if" just show that baldness is a tough nut to deal with in reality. Men with full heads can sure have as many or more insecurities as the bald ones but they get along better since they are naturally selected either by women or by work managers. This is obviously related in a direct way to what we perceive as good-looking today.

This article of Newsweek, although not directly talking about baldness, is just frightening. The complexity revealed is very high of course, but the message is rather clear (quote from the article):

“This is the new reality of the job market,â€￾ says one New York recruiter, who asked to have her name withheld because she advises job candidates for a living. “It’s better to be average and good- looking than brilliant and unattractive.â€￾

Personally I am a bald guy and had not such difficulties in work. Probably I am lucky, or just the fact that I don't live in the US spared me.

 

[Boondock]

^ I can believe that.

I am sorting my hair out not just for girls, but for positive presentation in general.

If I got a tooth knocked out, I wouldn't just leave it and say "hey, it's just a tooth bro."

 

[uncomfortable man]

If I got a tooth knocked out, I wouldn't just leave it and say "hey, it's just a tooth bro."

If only hair replacement was regarded with the same level of credibility as tooth replacement. You don't see women fretting over a couple of false teeth. I guess the tooth equivalent to baldness would be if you lost all your teeth but a few in the far back.... forcing the inflicted to choose between dentures, painful and expensive dental work or acceptance, which is equally as fun.

 

[Vox]

If only hair replacement was regarded with the same level of credibility as tooth replacement. You don't see women fretting over a couple of false teeth.

They would not fret either if we could get some artificial hair implanted on our heads. But this is not possible.

 

[Rochester]

I know this thread hasn't been touched for about a week, and this is only my second post on this entire forum, but I have to say something about this negative, whiny, emo, beta-male, life-aint-fair rubbish regarding going bald and women and going bald and life in general.

to noone in particular,

If you let losing your hair dictate or effect the rest of your life, or how you are with women, or how you are in your job then that is YOUR PROBLEM, in that I mean it is not how the world is treating you, or how society treats you or how women treat you or whatever, it's how YOU are treating you. If you think being bald or losing your hair makes you a loser and unattractive, then in effect you are and will be, but not for the reason you think, but because *no one is attracted to negative,insecure people.* Thats why everyone laughs at people with comb overs, not because they are bald but because they are telegraphing that they are utterly insecure about their baldness. It's like being too short or too tall or too fat or having a lisp or a missing limb or an unsightly birth mark on your face or even a small dick, if you use it as a reason (or excuse more-like) for why your life sucks or why your sh*t with women then that is YOUR DECISION, i.e. Something you have chosen to believe, you have made that CHOICE to see reality as such and act accordingly, a choice not based on fact but just one of many choices of interpreting reality.

For example, I've got a family friend who used to be pretty damn fat. Like American fat (sorry yanks ). Long story short he lost pretty much all the weight in about a year a couple of years back and it turns out that he wasn't a bad looking dude, in fact, not being gay or anything but the guy could have quite easily gotten a lot of work modeling or something. Anyway so obviously he was getting a lot of renewed attention from women, ALOT, however the dude hardly pulled at all. Girls just ended up disappointed at the end of the night when he just shook there hand and said goodbye! He had good looks, good chat, (a good hairline for that matter), but he never managed to even get a phone number. One day I asked him about why such a situation was occurring and it turns out that he was utterly convinced that no girl could ever really possibly be attracted to him, because he apparently had FAT CHEEKS(he didn't btw), and he didn't want to embarrass himself by making a move and getting rejected!
The dude's behavior was so affected by his warped interpretation of reality that he was basically sabotaging himself, and in effect, eventually reaffirming this interpretation to himself when, after awhile, girls began picked up on this telegraphed insecurity. It wasn't his fat cheeks, it was his insecurity about them, that was messing things up.

Now, I'm not comparing baldness to an non-existent insecurity like fat cheeks and do realize that losing one's hair is/can be devastating and a massive knock on the confidence and one's appearance in general, and that trying to fight it with finasteride and minoxidil nizoral etc is probably the best course of action to take (trust me I've got all that to look forward to) fine.

However my point is it is HOW ONE HANDLES going/being bald, as it is how one handles anything in life, that counts. If your not phased by being bald, noone else will be! Especially women! Another example, I'm 5'7, my best mate is 5'9 and he's deeply insecure about his height( because of his taller older brothers,), I couldn't give a sh*t about my height quite frankly, who do you think pulls more? I've actually had people say that they thought i was taller than him, that i somehow ACTED taller in general! wtf right!? see what I'm getting at?

This is especially doubly triply true when it comes to women seriously I can't stress this enough. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE COUNTS FOR SO LITTLE WITH WOMEN. I mean well-groomed yes, good physique fine they're plus points but seriously its all pretty negligible when it comes down to it. Men are the luckier sex by far in the sense that women don't look for in men the same things as we do in them, thank god. Most men judge a woman by her looks, hell all Western society judges women by their looks and to put it bluntly, being an unattractive woman must really, really suck. I can't even comprehend what some of the women in the other section of this Forum are going through. But with Men it's completely different, a l woman would rather go out with a confident, masculine, outgoing bald man who has his life together than an insecure NW1 guy who lives with his parents, hands down. Ok you may say 'well if she had the choice she would probably want a confident NW1 but f*Ck it we've all got preferences and thats all they are, preferences. A woman's not gonna dump you just because some other dude's got hair! What do you think because we all don't have hair or looks like Robert F*ckin Patterson that all us other men should just crawl into a cave and die and let the good looking NW1s get on with it? haha, F*ck that.

( I seriously recommend getting your hands on the book 'The Game' or some David Deangelo ebooks or checkout PUAtraining.com if you want to get deeper into this stuff as it really shifts your mindset completely on women. If you can read all that and still tell me it's being bald that is stopping you from meeting women, I really cant help you. )

Finally, stop whining like its the end of the world or that society hates you, Yes it's hard, yes it's unfair but so whoever told you life was easy and fair was lying I'm afraid. Try to get some perspective on things a bit eh? I recently met a Cambodian dude whose got no legs, one hand, a bald patch, a receding hairline and a family to support, guess which one was most on his mind? Yet the dude never stopped smiling, never complained, and to make my point about women again, had met his wife AFTER he had his legs blown off (dude got game)! We all age, lose hair, lose teeth, lose our sight, our hearing, some of us may lose a leg or an arm, some might survive cancer, some might not, some might win the lottery, some might die from a stray bullet some might live to 100, some might sleep with 400+ people some might go into space whatever, Life happens and if you let any one thing like hairloss that in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter dictate the rest of your life then you're seriously missing out... and it's no-one's fault but your own...

 

[Ori83]

Your type of logic is flawed in my eyes, as i see it if something makes me feel bad about myself i can either fix it or bite the bullet and face reality, hair loss effects not only how i feel about myself but also the way women see me, and this is something out of my control, trust me when you want a girl and she rejects you ONLY ! for being bald and goes with a NW1 then you will get it.

 

[BrightonBaldy]

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE COUNTS FOR SO LITTLE WITH WOMEN

Thats simply wrong as I and many others have posted about on here.

Look back towards my first post on this thread, I gave an example that I still face 2-3 times a month that prove to me what I already knew, even if your personalities click women will turn cold instantly if they dont have a physical attraction to you (women I have to contact have lengthy conversations with over the phone before meeting them, often is very very flirty, informal and very casual, as soon as they meet I can see everything change instantly).


Now dont get me wrong, that might not be baldness, that might just be me being an ugly c*** thats causing these switches in atmosphere.. but the point thats being made here is that even when women know and love your personality, if they dont want in your pants then they will stop liking your personality.

Others have given plenty of examples of meeting women online, similar to a phonecall being the first point of contact, its all personalities before looks.

The people who claim that having a great personality and being an amazing guy is all we need are living on another planet.



As for baldness being uglifying.... what brought me back to the forum tonight... a couple of the girls that work for me spent the afternoon today on a website called chatroulette (im sure youve all heard of it), basically its a webcam chat room that matches you up with anybody else on the network randomly.

When I was sitting on the seat right infront of the computer, not one single girl stopped and talked to me on that site out of about 20. Nobody said hello... or anything, just an instant dismissal... but when I stood behind the chair, the top of my head was out of shot of the camera, almost every single one either smiled, said hello, or tried talking to me lol)

its a sh*t world out there folks.

 

[Boondock]

^ This.

Hair matters. Fact. Anyone who says otherwise is either not Norwood enough or just deluding themselves.

 

[Nene]

Rochester makes some good points. Yes, if you lose your hair you must move on and remain confident. You cannot let it control your life. No one wants be around an insecure loser. I'm finally coming to terms with it. If you look at my pics I can pull off the appearance of a pretty full Norwood 2 but I shave my head anyway, I'm living my life as a bald man. I've gotten lots of attention recently from girls at my law school and it's amazing because this hasn't happened in years. I don't know why. However, I have been wearing my Yankees hat pretty often.

However I think Rochester must not have much hair loss as he clearly does not understand just how devastating it is. Realizing that you are getting old, and that you will NEVER look as good as you did, no matter how hard you work out, no matter what plastic surgery you have, not matter how hard you pray, no matter how much money you make, that you've passed your peak at 20 and still have another 50 years to live, is such a hard thing to live with, I can't even articulate what an awful feeling it is. We are no longer part of the "game." The superficial world of one night stands, facebook, flirting online dating, picking up girls at bars/clubs etc. Now at least, maybe when we're 40 we can get back in the game. I don't go to clubs and pretend like I'm the same guy I was at 21 because I'm not, I'm bald and therefore I'm old. But guess what? There is so much more to life than being in the "game." Life is what you make it, it's what you achieve, the people you touch and help, the changes you've made to the world, and the appreciation you have for our world and this gift of life. I've accepted I'm no longer part of the game, but I'm living my life for more important things. I'm trying to achieve the career I've always wanted and hair loss is just giving me a reason to focus on it even more and work even harder than ever.

 

[Nene]

Rochester makes some good points. Yes, if you lose your hair you must move on and remain confident. You cannot let it control your life. No one wants be around an insecure loser. I'm finally coming to terms with it. If you look at my pics I can pull off the appearance of a pretty full Norwood 2 but I shave my head anyway, I'm living my life as a bald man. I've gotten lots of attention recently from girls at my law school and it's amazing because this hasn't happened in years. I don't know why. However, I have been wearing my Yankees hat pretty often.

However I think Rochester must not have much hair loss as he clearly does not understand just how devastating it is. Realizing that you are getting old, and that you will NEVER look as good as you did, no matter how hard you work out, no matter what plastic surgery you have, not matter how hard you pray, no matter how much money you make, that you've passed your peak at 20 and still have another 50 years to live, is such a hard thing to live with, I can't even articulate what an awful feeling it is. We are no longer part of the "game." The superficial world of one night stands, facebook, flirting online dating, picking up girls at bars/clubs etc. Now at least, maybe when we're 40 we can get back in the game. I don't go to clubs and pretend like I'm the same guy I was at 21 because I'm not, I'm bald and therefore I'm old. But guess what? There is so much more to life than being in the "game." Life is what you make it, it's what you achieve, the people you touch and help, the changes you've made to the world, and the appreciation you have for our world and this gift of life. I've accepted I'm no longer part of the game, but I'm living my life for more important things. I'm trying to achieve the career I've always wanted and hair loss is just giving me a reason to focus on it even more and work even harder than ever.

 

[Rochester]

Ok thanks for your responses, I wrote that at like 2am so may have to go through it first. Also just read the whole thread again and realized I'm basically trying to say what qball01 is getting at.

replies:

Ori83 - Ok I agree that yes one should either fix it or bite the bullet yes and I'm all for that, in terms of the hairloss problem.

I was referring more to the point when one officially becomes 'bald' and has to accept how one deals with it. And yes to an extent it does knock how you feel about yourself I'm not denying that, but I stand by my point that in the end you are in control about how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself. If someone is not attracted to you or judges you at first glance, so what? most people do that to everyone else anyway, it's your job to change that initial judgement.

As for women, no I have never experienced a girl rejecting me for being bald for a NW1, that must have hurt, but i doubt the fact that the other dude had a NW1 was the only reason come on, unless she was RIDICULOUSLY shallow, which most girls aren't.
On the flip side of this I have seen numerous times where bald guys have gotten the girl over full haired guys. So am i in the same way to conclude that EVERY girl is gonna go for bald guys over perfect hair guys? your drawing the wrong general conclusions from very limited examples...


BrightonBaldy: Hmm... Yeah ok thats a pretty harsh example and I had forgotten it when i wrote my original post. Fair that must suck when your all flirty on the phone and it all change when you meet in person. Thats a situation i don't want to comment on because i don't know enough about it.

What I meant by 'Physical appearance counts for so little with women' is that it is in no way a deal breaker. Men are looking for a beautiful women. Women are not necessarily looking for a beautiful man. They want a confident, powerful, provider, a leader, a protector whatever. The physical stuff is to an extent important, but you can easily make up for it in other areas, whereas say, a women is gonna have a hell of a hard time doing the same if shes not great in the looks department. You call yourself an 'ugly c*nt', fine, but there are so many other areas you can work on to make up for it, both physically and personality wise, and you can always up your appearance by a couple of points (gym, tan, fashion,) if that is something that particularly bothers you.

And Chatroulette?!, really?? your judging yourself based on that? that website is full of dude's wanking and people dressed as cats!? most girls do not go on that website to chat to guys, only to find weird sh*t. Also its a website where people judge other people solely on physical appearance!! Thats like torture, to anyone who isn't really good looking...


Boondock: Hair matters, I agree. but not as much as you think.


Nene: Isn't it weird that when you finally accept something about yourself, all the problems you thought it was causing kind of disappear?

Yes you're right I have not yet had enough hairloss to warrant feeling devastated about it; read, yet. However ALL my uncles, male cousins, and my father are bald/balding (and two of my best mates), so its coming, and has also meant I have had numerous heart to hearts and chats about hairloss from those members of my family, so i know what to expect to an extent and the effect it can have on people. However I have also used those balding people in my life as examples and role models, so its all pretty strange to me how people can say its the end of there life when they lose their hair when i have seen the complete opposite.

Also when i refered to 'game' as such I am not specifically talking about ' The superficial world of one night stands, facebook, flirting online dating, picking up girls at bars/clubs etc' , I was more eluding to the deeper, more psychological side of understanding oneself as a man, and of understanding women psychology with regards to attraction. It helped me out loads when i was 17-18 and struggling with loads of confidence problems, and i think it might help a couple of people on here. I was just referring to it because a lot of the grief on this thread seems to be as a result of how bald guys have been treated by women or think they will be treated by women for being bald, and lets face it, thats probably the biggest fear everyone has when he starts losing his hair..

"Life is what you make it, it's what you achieve, the people you touch and help, the changes you've made to the world, and the appreciation you have for our world and this gift of life. I've accepted I'm no longer part of the game, but I'm living my life for more important things. I'm trying to achieve the career I've always wanted and hair loss is just giving me a reason to focus on it even more and work even harder than ever."

That in a way was what i was trying to say, but articulated better.


Hope that clarifies everything I was trying to say....

 

[BrightonBaldy]

Yes you're right I have not yet had enough hairloss to warrant feeling devastated about it; read, yet

NEXT :whistle:



Rochester mate, theres no need to give up all hope with women once they start seeing you as bald. It is 100x harder but it isnt impossible, evrybody knows that, we dont need convinced. What I wouldnt dearly love to see is some hard photographic evidence of the ultra positive members here with their women, to inspire the rest of us of course :dunno:

Also dont over compensate ffor a lack of hair but trying to be prince charming or spending fortunes on your cloths, it really wont matter, you just need to be yourself and hope youre one of the lucky ones that finds somebody who isnt bothered. Women can sniff somebody trying too hard waaaay further away than they sense a baldy, they wil see it as pathetic, as will most guys... if youre that desperate to get laid then take all the money you wouldve spent on the designer gear and get a brass in ffs unk:

 

[Vox]

What I wouldnt dearly love to see is some hard photographic evidence of the ultra positive members here with their women, to inspire the rest of us of course :dunno:

This forum is open to non-members, so anyone can see what is posted here. If it was more closed I could upload a photo with my wife (if she agrees of course). I am not the ultra-optimistic guy, I still want this had not happened to me or to have again what I lost all these years. I eventually had to accept the facts and move on. But she is the kind of woman who considers the discussions about baldness pointless, not to say stupid.

Also dont over compensate ffor a lack of hair but trying to be prince charming or spending fortunes on your cloths, it really wont matter, you just need to be yourself and hope youre one of the lucky ones that finds somebody who isnt bothered. Women can sniff somebody trying too hard waaaay further away than they sense a baldy, they wil see it as pathetic, as will most guys...

I agree. Moderation is a virtue that pays off.

 

[cuebald]

Some people who go bald can rock the look very well. I'd say the most chased after man where I work is a solid NW6. He is also tall, athletic, etc, etc. (the stereotypical "vin diesel" look.)

I'm not saying women are repulsed by the idea of a bald man, or by all bald men.
I am saying that baldness sucks for people like me - average joes with hair, reduced to cringeworthy ugliness without it. I am not tall, nor naturally athletic (though I do a semi-physical job and work out, so I am decently built).
Most importantly, I don't have "masculine" facial features. With hair I was sometimes confused for a girl (that didn't help much with the ladies either, mind :mrgreen but now I look about as bizarre as a NW6 14 year old would.
It's not so much about baldness itself being "crippling" - it's more to do with ugliness - it's just that Baldness is the thing that facilitates the ugliness.
I am 24, I can imagine at 35+ I'd grow into the look and it won't be so bad.

I am bitching because of the loss of my identity (I will never be a tough, "macho" alpha male, and never have I wanted to be) and my greatly diminished chances with women. (I've posted many times before about charm working well with the ladies up until the point they meet my very handsome, NW1 friends)

I've never had trouble at work and everyone there treats me with respect (nobody gives a toss about baldness at work; 50%+ are bald there.)

 

[HairPieceMan]

i am planning to start the dating game soon once my hair system is working out, so i can be in the "game" as people have mentioned, and hopefully into my mid 40s lol.

but i always thought it was possible to do well with being bald, as neil strauss did well, i just think you would need to use his game plan, maybe people here are going to really loud clubs where it will only work if our 6 foot tall and NW1.

but the reason why i don't do bald is because i don't look as good as style and im really pale and would require twice the tanning studio work to achieve his skin tone (which is a requirement btw).

so i feel the maintenance of a system is easier than the heavy tanning sun beds, which would probably give me skin cancer in my 40s, and end up making my skin look all rubbery in late 30s.

but in either case, may i ask if anyone has tried to use the pick up tactics that mr strauss did?

 

[gascoigne]

If I were in your shoes (and I sort of am) I would focus whatever anger you have into carving out your career and/or getting some money together. hair transplants are the only way out of this for many of us. Fact is, girls prefer hair.

...and the girls that prefer shaved bald guys are from my own experience chubby girls with tatoos owning a bulldog or something like that. At least the probability is big.

hahahha, what a true.

 

[CaptainForehead]

Some people who go bald can rock the look very well. I'd say the most chased after man where I work is a solid NW6. He is also tall, athletic, etc, etc. (the stereotypical "vin diesel" look.)

I'm not saying women are repulsed by the idea of a bald man, or by all bald men.
I am saying that baldness sucks for people like me - average joes with hair, reduced to cringeworthy ugliness without it. I am not tall, nor naturally athletic (though I do a semi-physical job and work out, so I am decently built).
Most importantly, I don't have "masculine" facial features. With hair I was sometimes confused for a girl (that didn't help much with the ladies either, mind :mrgreen but now I look about as bizarre as a NW6 14 year old would.
It's not so much about baldness itself being "crippling" - it's more to do with ugliness - it's just that Baldness is the thing that facilitates the ugliness.
I am 24, I can imagine at 35+ I'd grow into the look and it won't be so bad.

I am bitching because of the loss of my identity (I will never be a tough, "macho" alpha male, and never have I wanted to be) and my greatly diminished chances with women. (I've posted many times before about charm working well with the ladies up until the point they meet my very handsome, NW1 friends)

I've never had trouble at work and everyone there treats me with respect (nobody gives a toss about baldness at work; 50%+ are bald there.)

Very well written cuebald.
How tall are you?

 

[seb]

The sooner people wake up too the fact and accept that their dating options are over,the sooner they can move on with their lives and start foccusing on things more tangable,and meaningful,such as obtaining their own property,getting a career etc,instead of worrying about their"game".

 

[Ori83]

The sooner people wake up too the fact and accept that their dating options are over,the sooner they can move on with their lives and start foccusing on things more tangable,and meaningful,such as obtaining their own property,getting a career etc,instead of worrying about their"game".

This i can agree with !! :bravo:

 

[seb]

Thanks ori,just trying too be honest,however blunt it may seem.By focussing on something one is passionate about is the only forward in accepting male pattern baldness IMHO.