The light at the end of the tunnel is a train!

[Stabber]

I've come to the conclusion that I'm starting to hate myself. It's too many issues happening at once. That light everyone says is at the end of the tunnel, is probably a train (no, i'm not suicidal). I'm losing hair, looking like $hit and getting older. Not to mention the "normal" problems normal people experience. And it makes my heart sink to think that things are only going to get worst. Not better. That's the difference between hairloss/general aging, vs other stressful/troublesome times in one's life. This is the beginning of the end. The process cannot be reversed. Happiness that comes today does not resemble the happiness I felt before. What lingers today as happiness, is merely just a facade or temporary calm that allows me to carry on with my daily duties.

Looking in the mirror, I don't even recognize the person in front of it any longer. I'm so far from where I was, I wouldn't be able to find that place if I spent the rest of my life looking for it. I feel like an aftermath, a leftover. I missed the train to "life." Now it has switched tracks and is heading towards me and doesn't care I'm on the tracks lost.

Forget my sorry attempt at describing this, Eddie Vedder said it better:

routine was the theme,
he'd wake up and...
wash and pour himself into uniform
something he hadn't imagined being...
as the merging traffic passed,
he found himself staring, down,
at his own hands..
not remembering the change,
not recalling the plan,
was it...?

he was okay,
but wondering about wandering
was it age? by consequence?
or was he moved by sleight of hand?

mondays were made to fall,
lost on a road he knew by heart
it was like a book he read in his sleep, endlessly...

sometimes he hid in his radio, watching
others pull into their homes
while he was drifting...
on a line, of his own,
off the line, on the side by the by,
as dirt turned to sand,
as if moved by sleight of hand

when he reached the shore of his clip-on world
he resurfaced to the norm
organized his few things,
his coat and keys...
any new realizations would
have to wait
til he had more time, more time...

time to dream, to himself
he waves goodbye, to himself
i'll see you on the other side...

another man...
moved by sleight of hand....

 

[SE-freak]

what is the regimen that failed you?

(btw stop reading poetry and listening to music that is "aligned" with your situation.)

 

[noorur]

woah

i feel like that aswell

the only way i can feel good about myself is if i had my hair back, or back to how it was 3 yrz ago, if thats possible

 

[pilogenic101]

You may want to look at improving scalp health to help reduce hair loss. Scalp DHT is probably not the only concern. I have had success with a topical mixture of a weak acid, like apple cider vinegar, followed by zinc oxide powder. My hair now looks and feels better, stronger, even though I still have the male pattern baldness.

 

[Brain123]

Sorry to hear you are in such mental stress. Life sure can be hard at times but I have always learned that things that happen to me in life to use that into making me a stronger person and try to learn from my experiences and to move on and I know its harder as it sounds but it sure isnt impossible. I would advise you to read some books written by Thich Nhat Hanh to get some great insights on life that can really help you in getting you back on track and for sad obstakels that may happen in the future.

 

[87david]

I know how you feel "stabber." Myself, I'm in my early thirties--getting fatter, older, and fighting to keep my hair... I know that I can never look the way I did 10 years ago, but that's OK. After all, it's unrealistic to expect that you can look young forever. All we can really do is slow down the process. That's what I'm trying to do. But I'm quite worried about you because it's obvious that you're slipping down into depression. Please don't go down that road. Once you accept depression, you're done for--especially if you have no one to help pull you out. It will definitely rob you of your life--years pass by that feel like months.

While you're fighting your hairloss, find some hobbies or something that can take your mind off your situation. I know that this is very hard to do because you don't feel like doing anything, but you have to try. For example, I recently started exercising again and I also enjoy playing the guitar. Read some self-help or spiritual books. Do you like pets? Dogs and cats can be wonderful therapy when you're depressed. I don't know what I would have done without my beloved dog, Bo (http://members.cox.net/87david/bo2.jpg, circa 1996)
while I was struggling with depression. I highly recommend the book "My Cat Saved My Life." I sincerely hope that you get better.

http://www.mycatsavedmylife.com/intro.html
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1585420638/102-0275689-3668915?v=glance

 

[The Gardener]

Stabber, there are a lot of people who go through what you are going through. I don't say that in the context of trying to minimize or play down your thoughts at all, but rather to try to reassure you that periods like the one you are going through do not last forever. The time will come when you will look back on it as a trying and difficult time for you, but part of your own personal journey in life.

I think we all crave a feeling of being on solid ground, of knowing where we came from, where we are going, and the "where we are now" part that gives us a sense of productive continunity in life. The problem is that with time and age, the grounds are always shifting and there will be times when we can't reconcile all three of the "where we are" questions in a way that makes us feel like we are in a place that we are comfortable with.

I know that I have had periods where I saw a therapist, especially after a very difficult breakup I had with a very serious girlfriend that left me not knowing what my path is in life. Without this sense of having a path, I felt like there was nothing with which to gauge any sense of progress or purpose, and it felt pretty shitty. You'll get better with time, or, therapy is one tool that might speed up the process and get you on track sooner... or there are other options too. I have a very cool grandfather, talking to him about stuff was a big help to me, personally. And, no, not necessarily talking to him about my "problems", but just talking to him about life in general, how things were when I was younger, stuff he went through... he was just a very un-biased and open ear and never judged me, and seemed to appreciate the attention I gave him. Everyone is different and I can't pretend to know exactly how you feel, where you are at, or what might or might not work for you, but all I can say is that I hope you realize that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes you can feel so shiitty, and completely believe you are in shiitsville... and with just a few words, a few experiences, and a slight change in perspective, it all seems to fade away and you regain focus and you realize that you were not as trapped as you thought you were at the time.

 

[Solo]

Gardener has just given you a very good advice.

 

[Guest]

Gardener has just given you a very good advice.

Agree, Sir Gardener offers some good advice here.

I'm in the same situation as Stabber.

 

[Stabber]

im not even sure anymore guys. I have zero confidence when I walk into public areas (on the rare occasion I actually leave my room nowadays). I usually hide behind my sunglasses. I feel like someone put a curse on me. I was a pretty decent looking guy before all of this. My girlfriends were always cute/pretty. (never model like, but hey, i didnt look like brad pitt either). Now I can't even get stares from the ugliest of girls. It's like I'm invisible. I don't enjoy driving my car anymore. What's the point? AND...Ever since I lost my hair, it's stressed me out and I think I'm getting dark circles under my eyes. I feel like my body is dying, and my former soul is trapped inside.

I have to pep talk myself through the whole day just to survive through work. There's no way I could ever intervew with another company to get another/better job oneday. I don't know if I could get the will to go to the interview with "real" confidence

I may have to just accept the fact that I've become "ugly". And it is a hard pill to swallow.

i appreciate all the feedback..

 

[Solo]

Sorry, I´m flagellating myself for the incredible offence I´ve just commited. I´m crying in despair for my lack of respect.

I deserve no mercy for my uncorrect treatment to Sir Gardener.


I´m ashamed of my unconsciousness for forgetting who I was talking with.

Sir Gardener of Norwood, as the masses elected you, I offer you my pardon and my eternal humilliation for this horrible mistake.

:sulkoff:

 

[Brain123]

Stabber, you really shouldnt talk yourself into this role where you live to be a mummy. I'd really advise you to follow our tips. I do like reading your structure of building up words in your posts, have you thought about writing? :wink:

 

[tembo]

Gardener will u ever change your pic?

Good advice, but hard to take it seriously when looking at your pic next to the post! Am I the only one who doesn't like Gardener's pic?

 

[J_friend]

Stabber, although Gardener put in perfectly, there's something that hasn't been addressed. Perhaps being "ugly" as your prefer to call it (although I'm sure that's not true) is your TRUE ticket to beginning your journey out of the self absorbed plane that SO many people exist on. Hair on your head, or better yet, physical appearance, is only ONE of many different levels of who YOU really are. There are many more profound levels that obviously you have yet to tap into. I don't mean to put you down - I, too, am often stuck on the level of physical appearance ... but I have experienced things which are MUCH more beautiful than the "high" of being handsome or having a "hot" girlfriend. There are TRUE rushes that can be experienced in this world; and trust me, they have nothing to do with having great hair. Again, I know it may sound hokey, but truly discovering who YOU are honestly has very little to do with how you look on the outside. What's more, when you focus on the inside, and focus on NOT being selfish, you will one day look in the mirror and LOVE what you see. These aren't MY words ... these are words that you and I already know - they are words that ALL of us know on this site. I wish you the best, my friend ... if you put forth the same effort into discovering who you are as you do into halting your baldness, you will be a happy man. Take care, and hang in there.

 

[The Gardener]

On this topic of being ugly, and hairloss... let me tell you something.

Now, this does not come out of personal experience, but personal observations of others, especially my observations of bald guys, or very short guys, or guys who have a scar somewhere visible, or guys who I personally would not rate high on my scale of 'hotness' whenever I get that rare and fleeting urge to think like a homosexual, or alternatively, whenever I have been strolling through the mall with a girlfriend who enjoys critiquing the men.

Here is the observation I have made. Women are not attracted to the same qualities in men that men think they are.

Now, I grant you, women like to talk up pretty boys. But when it comes to real attraction, the pretty boy looks are not what lights their fire. In fact, it is often times a negative.

Women are attracted to men who walk tall, are quitely confident, are strong-hearted, well groomed, well spoken, know the appropriate time to listen, and know when to tactfully slip in a kind word. To a woman, this is SEXY. Women can sniff out an overcompensating man from a mile away.

I have met several men in my life who are bald, or not of magazine-cover photogenic quality, yet have hot-*** girlfriends who could easily be modeling. What is their secret? From my observation, they are successful because despite their hairloss or whatever, THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T HAVE male pattern baldness. Because their hairloss is not a problem to them, the women take the cue from the man's reaction to it, and it is not a problem for them either. These men are confident, walk tall, and know how to make their women laugh, know when to talk and when to listen, and in general, act like MEN, confidently. These guys all live outstanding lives, and it has obviously rubbed off on these women to the point that they think these guys are the best thing since sliced bread. Believe me, I am not shitting you. One of these friends of mine frequently hosts dinner parties and his wife, an absolute stunner, is madly in love with him. This *** has to be at least an Norwood 3.5, and yet she thinks his hairline is 'cute'. He doesn't particularly like that comment, but later that night when she's on top in cowgirl position f*****g his brains out with her full D-cups bouncing up and down, I am pretty sure it is the last thing on his mind.

Don't be someone you are not. Be yourself, but be the BEST, most KICKASS self that you know you can be. As they say, you can't control what happens in life, what cards you are given... but the one string that you CAN play is your ATTITUDE. You may want a soda but life gives you lemons, so make lemonade, and make the best fcuking lemonade you know how.

 

[87david]

Both of you guys' comments are excellent; however, sometimes depression can be bigger than what one person can handle no matter what kind words other people say. The trouble is that the person is not really listening. It's like you have a "negative filter" that filters out all the positive comments and encouraging words that people offer. Eventually, you start to "normalize" depression--paradoxically, any feeling of happiness or general content with life is considered as being abnormal or artifical. At least, this has been the case with me. Stabber, please seek professional help for your depression concurrently with battling your hairloss. I know that they are interrelated, but sometimes depression can become a monster all its own. I don't want to see you go down that dark, lonely path--I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy.

 

[jambri]

Hmm, I could understand the depression if there was no available treatment or anything of that kind. HOWEVER, progressing beyond NW3.5 is very rare. Just take a look around. There are two very good options to treat hairloss:

1. Getting a good (undetectable) hair transplant to fill in the rest, which is a day procedure.

2. Start treatments, which will improve your hair.

Are either of these options really so awful? You are in control. You can sit and do nothing or acknowledge these options do exist. Admittedly, I would be pissed off if there was no solution for short sightedness. But there is. It would be nice to not need glasses or contact lenses, but I'm not going to spend my time getting depressed about it.