The Psychology of Prosthetic Hair - Inside the Mind of a Hair System Wearer...

[jimlad]

Hi all
I am intending to write an essay on the psychology behind the wearing of prosthetics for cosmetic purposes and I would love to get as many views from this great forum as I can.

What I'm really interested in is how your perception of your identity differs with/without your own natural hair, and then how that is altered by the wearing of a hair system. I really want to delve deeper than simply 'I put it on to look younger' or 'I feel more like me' and get behind what brought you round to the thinking that your hair is something that could be replaced.

I'm also really keen to get your views on whether societies perceptions of wearing hair affects your attitude towards it? Are you ambivalent towards the stigma, or does it bother you? Do you feel as though the facade of hair is strong enough to keep you feeling young and confident, or do you feel as though there is something missing. What I'm inviting you to do here is really look inside your own mind and challenge yourself to delve deep within your feelings about this.

To help you out, I will discuss my views:

I have been wearing hair for around a year and a half now. Every single man in my family is/was fully bald, so I remember even as a child knowing that I would one day go bald. It started early, and because of this, I was ready to react. I tried everything I could, starting with creative hairstyles to mask recession (and even dreadlocks, which felt at one stage like I was growing my own wig!) and eventually leading onto things like concealers. In fact, I stated concealers around the age of 21, and I was never fully comfortable with the idea of them. I always used to think of it as painting my head, which made me feel very uncomfortable. On reflection, my perception of concealers was far more negative that my perception of hair systems. However, as a young man, I was able to walk fairly confidently (sometimes very confidently) in the big, wide world, knowing that my facade was maintained.

For me, the idea of myself as a fully bald man is incredibly alien. Society has perceptions of bald men, and they are extremely rigid; they bring with them connotations of aging and a lack of confidence which, for a man, is a big deal. Even those who are acceptably bald (see your Vin Diesels and your Bruce Willises) have to accompany it with a hard man image. It's very rare to see a normal man pull off the bald look. So I knew I could not conform to any positive stereotype linked with baldness. For me, it was almost as though the identity given to bald men was so different from the one I saw in myself that I simply had to do anything I could to cover it up.

When I got a system (despite the initial shock factor) I was amazed at how well I adapted to the lifestyle. My confidence skyrocketed, even in the early days when I was still getting looks from people who had seen it for the first time. At first, I was certain that I would die if anyone knew about it. I had (and still have) nightmares of being exposed. The facade of hair was enough to give me a great deal of confidence and energy, but it weighed heavily on me that it was not real.

I remember when I first started wearing, I went for a three week holiday all on my own to Scotland. On one of my long treks there, I had the epiphany that wearing hair could end up being a massive embarrassment for me, IF it became the most interesting thing that I ever do with my life. Think: bald nobody wears wig. Goes to the pub. Gets laughed at by mates. But if I used the confidence it gave me to inspire me to greater things in my career and my creative/personal life, then wearing hair becomes simply a footnote (a bit like John Travolta or Elton John - we all know they wear hair, but there's no mention of it on their Wikipedia pages!).

Society's perception of hair wearers seems to me to be a bit of a muddy issue. I actually believe that it is OUR perceptions of society's perceptions that are a bit skewed. Now sure, if some B-list, easy target celebrity was taking shots of himself on Instagram, showing off his luscious locks like they were all natural, and then the world found out that he was wearing a system, then he would be openly mocked. However, I don't think that the same is true for normal gentlemen who simply want to look their best. So I have to say that society's perceptions do not weigh me down. I think the fact that I don't publicise that I wear hair is more down to the shame I used to feel growing up balding than it is to do with the actual act of wearing a system.

As far as my perceptions of myself go: when I am wearing, I feel like it is all my hair. I try not to fixate on it at work or when out and about, as this is when the cracks will start to show themselves to me, and then it becomes a burden. As far as I'm concerned, once I'm out the door, then aside for a few cursory checks in the mirror when I use the bathroom, I put my faith in the system.

I hugely fear a time when I will not be able to wear (be it for health or economic reasons, or because of something crazy going on in the world like, I don't know, A GLOBAL PANDEMIC). I'm the sort of guy who goes to work when I'm incredibly sick, but there's no way in hell I'm walking out of the house with my dome uncovered. It is simply not an option. It is simply not who I am.

I am a lot more than a man who wears a hair system. I am a teacher. I am a friend. I am a son and a brother and a nephew. I am a person with a great deal of ambition and enthusiasm for life. But at the same time, it sort of feels like the life I have just described depends entirely on the integrity of the layer of glue, and lace that separate my own body with the hair that I like to call my own. Sometimes I think that it should feel like more of a fragile existence, but in reality it doesn't. It might not be perfect, but I'm making it work.


As I said, any experiences welcome, including those of people who haven't actually taken the plunge yet - would love to hear your views too. Don't be put off by the length of my post. If you would like to share something shorter, I'm sure it will be just as valuable as long as it truly reflects how you feel.

Once I have written the essay, I will, of course, be sharing it here first

Many thanks in advance!

J

 

[Noah]

Hi JimLad

A fine post, and an interesting piece of self-analysis on an intriguing topic. What makes a hair system work as a good solution for one man, while another man would rather lose a testicle than be seen to wear a "wig"?

I thought your other shorter post today was perceptive: for me wearing a system is not about changing, but about remaining the same. Not a new me, but the same me. That is probably influenced by the way I started wearing, which was the result of dramatic change and my panicky reaction to it (in summary: thinning, Finasteride, bad bad side effects, abandonment of Finasteride, shedding by the fistful, panic visit to "hair centre").

Getting my first system was a tremendous relief to me, because I could recognise myself again - the image in the mirror matched the self-image in my mind after several months when it violently didn't - and the positivity about systems that accompanied that relief has remained with me (which is why I am such a little ray of sunshine on this forum). For a long time I was reluctant to see myself without the hair, and at a subconscious level I think I managed to convince myself that the system was me, and not a prosthetic. Ultimately I came to recognise that it is unhealthy to turn a blind eye to reality, and now I force my internal voice to accept that, yes, I'm wearing a hairpiece. It has been quite therapeutic for me to get into the mechanics of wearing rather than pretending to myself that I haven't lost my hair, and taking part of this forum is part of that.

Still, I would be lying if I said I was comfortable about taking the piece off, or people seeing me without it. I am still strongly influenced by the idea that "it is me". I am somewhat more relaxed now about people knowing it is a system (although I still try to keep it private). What bothers me is people knowing the mechanics of wearing - seeing me without it, seeing the tape and the glue, knowing that the system looks like when it is off my head. I am uncomfortable that someone might look at me when my hair looks good, but be envisaging me without hair, or imagining the tape and glue under my system. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

The idea of the stigma is an interesting one. I can honestly say that I have never had a negative reaction from anyone I have told about my hair, even to the slightest degree. Their attitude had always been - sure, if you are unhappy about losing your hair why shouldn't you use a harmless cosmetic solution. Which if you think about it is exactly the attitude you would expect sensible normal people to have. I rather think the stigma may exist mainly or wholly in the media, and (as a result of the media) in the minds of bald guys who subconsciously see themselves as candidates for wearing a hair replacement.

I hope you get lots of reactions to this post. Thanks for starting off an very interesting discussion, and I look forward to your essay. Does this mean you will be going public about your system?

Noah

 

[Smartone84]

Great post. As an almost guaranteed future wearer I've come to one absolute conclusion above all else - I cannot wear a hair system unless I am comfortable being open about it and "owning" it if I am ever found out. That being said I do have some wise a-- friends who no doubt would poke fun if I were ever were to be discovered wearing a wig. It's sad but it's just the way it is. I have one group of friends I really enjoy hanging out with but with them I feel the same. Though I know they'll always be my friends, I'd be lying if I wasn't honest in that I know for almost certain that I would never be looked at as quite the same again if they knew I was walking in to seeing them again with a rug on my head. Whether that meant they looked at me as less masculine, or just plain weird. Doesn't matter about all the trauma I've gone through losing my hair, because the reality is most people just don't get it. Again, sad, but true.

But this is my reality in this life. While my brother has hair growing out of every follicle on his scalp I'm a solid NW5 and am the exact opposite of a Vin Diesel. I am 6'2, thin as a rail, a large nose and overall just someone with the last look on earth of a guy who can pull off the bald look. I know this and I've accepted it. Being bald is simply not an option for me. I'm pretty confident that I'll get used to it eventually, but I know I'll probably have some struggles too. Not that I'm on any medication at all, but I struggle with some anxiety in general and I too can definitely see a few nightmares coming about in the early stages. Maybe I get a lift at a bad moment, or I wake up already late for work and my system has shifted. Maybe a girl asks me to go on a beach date and the bond breaks down and turns white right in front of her eyes. All nightmares that I can't deny exist in my head everyday as I inch closer and closer to a life with a system.

It's all tough still, no doubt about it. If only there was no negative stigma, right? The reality is though the stigma is still very much there, no matter how many videos Curtis or Jake Kent put out. And it will continue to be there until there is maybe some sort of huge breakthrough where these things go mainstream. Until then I'll have to find a way to push through and do what's best for me. To wear it. To own it. And to love it.

 

[jimlad]

Hi JimLad

A fine post, and an interesting piece of self-analysis on an intriguing topic. What makes a hair system work as a good solution for one man, while another man would rather lose a testicle than be seen to wear a "wig"?

I thought your other shorter post today was perceptive: for me wearing a system is not about changing, but about remaining the same. Not a new me, but the same me. That is probably influenced by the way I started wearing, which was the result of dramatic change and my panicky reaction to it (in summary: thinning, Finasteride, bad bad side effects, abandonment of Finasteride, shedding by the fistful, panic visit to "hair centre").

Getting my first system was a tremendous relief to me, because I could recognise myself again - the image in the mirror matched the self-image in my mind after several months when it violently didn't - and the positivity about systems that accompanied that relief has remained with me (which is why I am such a little ray of sunshine on this forum). For a long time I was reluctant to see myself without the hair, and at a subconscious level I think I managed to convince myself that the system was me, and not a prosthetic. Ultimately I came to recognise that it is unhealthy to turn a blind eye to reality, and now I force my internal voice to accept that, yes, I'm wearing a hairpiece. It has been quite therapeutic for me to get into the mechanics of wearing rather than pretending to myself that I haven't lost my hair, and taking part of this forum is part of that.

Still, I would be lying if I said I was comfortable about taking the piece off, or people seeing me without it. I am still strongly influenced by the idea that "it is me". I am somewhat more relaxed now about people knowing it is a system (although I still try to keep it private). What bothers me is people knowing the mechanics of wearing - seeing me without it, seeing the tape and the glue, knowing that the system looks like when it is off my head. I am uncomfortable that someone might look at me when my hair looks good, but be envisaging me without hair, or imagining the tape and glue under my system. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but it does.

The idea of the stigma is an interesting one. I can honestly say that I have never had a negative reaction from anyone I have told about my hair, even to the slightest degree. Their attitude had always been - sure, if you are unhappy about losing your hair why shouldn't you use a harmless cosmetic solution. Which if you think about it is exactly the attitude you would expect sensible normal people to have. I rather think the stigma may exist mainly or wholly in the media, and (as a result of the media) in the minds of bald guys who subconsciously see themselves as candidates for wearing a hair replacement.

I hope you get lots of reactions to this post. Thanks for starting off an very interesting discussion, and I look forward to your essay. Does this mean you will be going public about your system?

Noah

A great response. Thanks Noah!

I've seen in a few of your posts that you don't like the idea of broadcasting the mechanics behind wearing a system (often in responses to guys asking about relationships). It's always interested me, and I can definitely relate to it. For me, although I know it's not my own hair, if there was a product that looked as good as my system that I could stick to my head and it stayed there forever (no maintenance or need to remove) then to all intents and purposes it would be as good as having my own hair (apart from it wouldn't grow). When the system is on, I strut around like it's growing out of my head, but the removal brings home the fact that that's not actually true.

I also think that the media likes to portray beauty as effortless - think James Bond getting out of the pool, tossing his hair back, ordering a martini and chatting up the Russian bird on the sun lounger. Perhaps subconsciously we've been conditioned to believe that putting effort into looking good on any level is a lie. I know women who feel this about wearing make up. In a sense, all that glue and tape represents just how hard it is for us to look how we want, and all the while Tom f*****g Hardy can just jump out of the shower and rule the world!

I know you have a line that you tell people (perhaps those you are more intimate) that it is an extension (?). Do you think that works more on a practical level, or is that an attempt to compromise with a perceived sense of social stigma. I myself have told people that I've taken anti-baldness medications, and even declined to deny that I'd had a hair transplant (I didn't actively lie and confirm it) - both of these things were not ideal in my mind, but seemed a better option than admitting it was stuck on!

In answer to your question, it won't be a big reveal. Those who read it will know that this area is one of interest to me, and I won't be writing just about hair systems, but there will be some who will see this as a confirmation of their suspicions I'm sure...

 

[jimlad]

Great post. As an almost guaranteed future wearer I've come to one absolute conclusion above all else - I cannot wear a hair system unless I am comfortable being open about it and "owning" it if I am ever found out. That being said I do have some wise a-- friends who no doubt would poke fun if I were ever were to be discovered wearing a wig. It's sad but it's just the way it is. I have one group of friends I really enjoy hanging out with but with them I feel the same. Though I know they'll always be my friends, I'd be lying if I wasn't honest in that I know for almost certain that I would never be looked at as quite the same again if they knew I was walking in to seeing them again with a rug on my head. Whether that meant they looked at me as less masculine, or just plain weird. Doesn't matter about all the trauma I've gone through losing my hair, because the reality is most people just don't get it. Again, sad, but true.

But this is my reality in this life. While my brother has hair growing out of every follicle on his scalp I'm a solid NW5 and am the exact opposite of a Vin Diesel. I am 6'2, thin as a rail, a large nose and overall just someone with the last look on earth of a guy who can pull off the bald look. I know this and I've accepted it. Being bald is simply not an option for me. I'm pretty confident that I'll get used to it eventually, but I know I'll probably have some struggles too. Not that I'm on any medication at all, but I struggle with some anxiety in general and I too can definitely see a few nightmares coming about in the early stages. Maybe I get a lift at a bad moment, or I wake up already late for work and my system has shifted. Maybe a girl asks me to go on a beach date and the bond breaks down and turns white right in front of her eyes. All nightmares that I can't deny exist in my head everyday as I inch closer and closer to a life with a system.

It's all tough still, no doubt about it. If only there was no negative stigma, right? The reality is though the stigma is still very much there, no matter how many videos Curtis or Jake Kent put out. And it will continue to be there until there is maybe some sort of huge breakthrough where these things go mainstream. Until then I'll have to find a way to push through and do what's best for me. To wear it. To own it. And to love it.

Thanks for the great insight! I'm on the other end of the spectrum - my friends are fairly relaxed and very respectful. Their silence on the matter concerns me. Whenever any of them ask about my hair, it's always a huge relief, as I know they wouldn't ask if they suspect it's a wig!! One of my most challenging moments was at a friends birthday and my mate (who is slightly on the autistic spectrum) shouted across the table 'Did you get plugs?!'. I was mortified but styled it out (sort of). When I got home, I reflected and realised that he had absolutely no idea I was wearing a system, because he would have definitely asked! In fact, I was wearing a crappy system at that time that really didn't suit me. It was far to thick and didn't frame my face right. A month before, when I was wearing a different piece, I spent a weekend with him and he mentioned nothing. Quite incredible really. It's funny how you analyse the meaning behind things. If someone is panicking about a sh*t haircut, they pray that no one mentions it when they see people, but actually, people's silence can be far more worrying, as they're trying to avoid an awkward subject!

If it helps with your anxiety, you shouldn't have too many problems with lifting in public etc. It really isn't like that. I did have an awkward moment on my 2nd day of wearing. I was traveling up to Scotland and I fell asleep on the coach with my head resting on the seat in front of me. I woke up and the whole front had lifted right up! Still, if you're sensible and don't do stupid things like that, you'll be fine!

How do you see the 'own it, wear it, love it' thing panning out?

 

[NaNaMaOn]

A great response. Thanks Noah!

I've seen in a few of your posts that you don't like the idea of broadcasting the mechanics behind wearing a system (often in responses to guys asking about relationships). It's always interested me, and I can definitely relate to it. For me, although I know it's not my own hair, if there was a product that looked as good as my system that I could stick to my head and it stayed there forever (no maintenance or need to remove) then to all intents and purposes it would be as good as having my own hair (apart from it wouldn't grow). When the system is on, I strut around like it's growing out of my head, but the removal brings home the fact that that's not actually true.

I also think that the media likes to portray beauty as effortless - think James Bond getting out of the pool, tossing his hair back, ordering a martini and chatting up the Russian bird on the sun lounger. Perhaps subconsciously we've been conditioned to believe that putting effort into looking good on any level is a lie. I know women who feel this about wearing make up. In a sense, all that glue and tape represents just how hard it is for us to look how we want, and all the while Tom f*****g Hardy can just jump out of the shower and rule the world!

I know you have a line that you tell people (perhaps those you are more intimate) that it is an extension (?). Do you think that works more on a practical level, or is that an attempt to compromise with a perceived sense of social stigma. I myself have told people that I've taken anti-baldness medications, and even declined to deny that I'd had a hair transplant (I didn't actively lie and confirm it) - both of these things were not ideal in my mind, but seemed a better option than admitting it was stuck on!

In answer to your question, it won't be a big reveal. Those who read it will know that this area is one of interest to me, and I won't be writing just about hair systems, but there will be some who will see this as a confirmation of their suspicions I'm sure...

Here’s an interesting footnote, Sean Connery (the original and best James Bond) wore a toupee for every appearance he made as Bond!

 

[jimlad]

Haha! Fair point, well made!

It's one rule for famous Scottish actors, and another for the rest of us!

 

[Smartone84]

How do you see the 'own it, wear it, love it' thing panning out?

I just mean that once I decide to wear my system, I'm not going to live in fear. I can't. I won't. Sure I'll have some anxiety still, but I'll still be confident enough to know that this is my best case scenario for right now in my life. Ok maybe I won't "love" the fact that I'm wearing a wig, but what I mean more is that I will be accepting of it.

More importantly, while I'm not going to flat out openly advertise the fact that I wear to anyone, in the event that I do ever have that rare moment where a lift occurs, I'm willing to be very open and honest about it, at the very least saying how I "wear a bit of a frontal hairpiece as I lost my hair in front at a young age". I've realized that taking it down a notch and not telling people you wear an entire toupee is probably for the best. But still, I'm open to saying there is fake hair on my head and that in itself is huge especially considering some of the judgmental people I know at work and in my friends circle.

With regards to dating and women, that's a bit more tricky. While of course I'm still open to talking about it and "owning" it, I also feel that it has to be done at the right time and moment. You also don't want to wait too long. @Noah what is your whole routine with telling people/woman it's really hair "extensions" or whatever it is?