Tired Of Baldness. Tired Of Ugliness. Tired.

[I.D WALKER]

I am telling you my nemesis. You need to write 50 poems and bound it in a book. I would spend $100 US dollars on it.

I have another idea my formidable Private Frenemy #1.
As a simple courtesy the book is yours FOC,
but if you can throw baby sis (hula-gal) in that would be
a nice display of business couth. Besides it gets awful boring beneath the boards.
Do we have a bargain?

 

[hairblues]

A relationship born out of compromise is not going to last or end well. Compromises in general will ruin your life. One day you'll simply realize that a grey life is no better than a lonely life and you may end up living a life of pain, regrets and disappointments, hoping to simply die in your sleep rather than waking up and being forced to live another day like that.

So a less attractive man has to go for a more attractive woman than himself
and a les attractive woman has to go for a more attractive man?

is that what you are saying?

Its stupid and then ego driven and more about what 'other' people think than what the person in relationship thinks..then the partner becomes more of a status symbol and a 'reach' for validation.

 

[blackg]

Conversely, most of my most serial crushes over the years have tended to be relatively plain looking. Their personalities ended up informing their looks to some extent; I would find myself unconsciously seeking out things to find attractive in them, a cute nose, nice eyes, tasy ears (!) etc.

What exactly are tasy ears?

 

[hairblues]

Depending on how bad you look bald, the partners might simply be of too low a quality aesthetically to turn you on. Don't forget baldness, and its aesthetic effects on you, are a genetic luck of the draw.

For a woman the most comparable thing in effect to baldness for men is size. I think you mentioned you have experienced yourself the negative social effects of gaining weight. This is why you see a lot of fat women teamed up with bald guys. However, weight gain is more or less within the individual's control and largely reversible whereas baldness is mostly uncontrollable and irreversible. The sexes are not at parity in this regard.

Im not talking about bald or fat I am talking in very general terms of a single person who is a 5 for whatever reason fat, hair, short, too tall, broken nose, what ever it is...they are a '5' would they be a 7 if they fixed their flaw? perhaps.
But they can't for what ever reason finances or nature they can't and they are a 5.
They meet another 5 who they are attracted to, have good sex, have good basis for relationship,
What are they going to do? Sit home and say well that 5 is great but i can really be a 7 if i was not flawed and i deserve a 7 so i am going to not settle for that 5 even though we have great sex and great times.

Kind of silly to me. At that point i question the wanting a 7 is not more about their own insecurity and wanting a status symbol.

 

[hairblues]

There's a massive difference being born less attractive or losing your looks and identity through balding. That is also not the same as ageing which is a natural phenomenon. Balding marks a premature shift or end to ageing well. When people are moaning about being born with a certain face, imagine losing your true looks and for it to be noticeable to all. Not quite the same as saying "hey you know the guy who was less attractive, he still is less attractive." No one would bother saying something so absurd.

I agree about 2 lonely people no longer being lonely but generally "misery loves company" is not a great base to start a relationship with. It will quickly get boring. Rather, better to find someone we have a genuine connection and attraction with. This is going off track though to the problem of balding.

Yeah let me expand a bit because you seem to be filling in blanks from what i wrote.

If someone is a 7 loses hair and goes down to a 5..
He tries to date and go for 7 and 8s..liek he used to get..but no responses.
he meets a 5 and she's still cute not as cute as what he used to get.
he has fun with her, she's has a lot to offer but is still on looks a '5'
It seems silly to me to blow off the 5 for fear of 'settling'
Does that mean go with someone you dont like or are not attracted to? no of course not.

 

[F2005]

Zircon, if Exodus set his sights on girls of his "caliber" or even a little below, rather than focusing on cute white girls, do you think his modesty, charm and intelligence would be appealing to those who are more looks matched?

Regarding DH's sensitivity, age doesn't always lessen how deeply we are affected by people's words to or actions towards us. Our reactions don't always become easier to control either. As DH mentioned, some of us remain eternal works in progress.

As someone who's struggled with negative body issues to different degrees forever, I will say that being frequently complimented and approached by the opposite sex does not always change our perception of ourselves. I think you were surprised when you shared your pictures with several members and were rated a 7-8. It seemed to have made you see yourself in a more positive light. I may be wrong in my interpretation, and I apologize if I am. I don't doubt DH is a handsome guy. However, for those of us with extreme BDD, being told we're attractive is only a temporary high. Even if I elaborated on my feelings and experiences, it still would be difficult for anyone to understand unless he/she has lived with such issues.

Please go easy on me, zircon. At 53, I still get hurt very easily.

"Eternal works in progress". That is a beautiful quote which rivals ID Walker's signature in being of the lyrics of an 80s-styled rock ballad. And your empathy and compassion for others (which is shown in your posts) is in my opinion the main reason why you're one of the most beloved posters on here.

I agree that if a girl is looks-matched with Exodus, his modesty, charm, and intelligence will indeed matter. Although I think we all agree that outer looks matter first, those inner qualities will serve as complementary factors that will help him with a girl who is looks-matched with him.

Although Exodus went bald early, I have a friend who also started to go bald in high school. Yet he never let it get to him and he is now married to a hot woman. So it is possible. When I started losing my hair , he actually sent me some uplifting and encouraging e-mails that I have still kept in my inbox despite our friendship falling out. And that is really what we should do with Exodus: attempt to provide him with uplifting stories like these, especially now, since he appears to be doing a lot better. Although I will not pretend that I am not broken up over my own hair loss, maybe Exodus will prove to be a stronger man than me and adopt the attitude of my friend.

 

[Exodus2011]

My overall look needs hair to work. I go from weirdly handsome to very, very ugly without it.

A drastic negative change in appearance will make the outside world lose interest, is all I can say. There are limits to what people will tolerate. Shaving your head is okay if it looks okay. Which it did not me

As far as my hair transplant, it was a great relief to book it and I imagine it will be an even greater relief to finally carry it out. I'm a few years older than you.

but wait i take it these are male friends that left you? simply for your looks? thats crazy.

 

[Bobster231]

I'm seriously contemplating suicide at the moment.

I have DUPA and finasteride isn't working.

What a joke of a life.

There is no God.


How do you accept living as an ugly person with such a terrible genetic flaw.

The only option is accepting that you are not going to be attractive anymore.

I had hopes and dreams. Now all I want to do is die.

 

[Bobster231]

I have some pills and some alcohol near by. Not like anyone cares.

Never thought i'd consider killing myself over hair. But it's more than just hair. And any hair loss sufferer knows exactly what I mean.

It's a feeling of ugliness. Of not being normal. Baldness is a disease. It's a defective gene.

I have zero options. My hairloss is very rare. Something like only 5 percent of men get DUPA.

I couldn't of even had regular male pattern baldness where meds or transplants were an option.


My only option is a full cap wig or SMP.


I hate life. Robbed of everything at 27 years old.

 

[Exodus2011]

What's so crazy about it? Men can be image conscious too, even when it comes to their friends. I seriously looked like something out of a H.R. Giger painting, they probably felt embarrassed being seen with me. Also, my depressed mood made me less fun to be around.

It might all have been a coincidence for all I know. But seeing their reactions of concern and disgust when I met them sly and the subsequent tapering off of interest made it hard to conclude otherwise.

thats the main thing i thought. i have a super fat friend that i honestly hate being seen in public with. and well idk it just seems a bad reason to hang up a good friendship. were they more like shallow acquaintances? i can see a lot of that type doing it

 

[N003]

Do you have your own thread with pictures from your hair situation? DUPA is not Androgenetic Alopecia. What told you the doctor?

 

[whatevr]

I have some pills and some alcohol near by. Not like anyone cares.

Never thought i'd consider killing myself over hair. But it's more than just hair. And any hair loss sufferer knows exactly what I mean.

It's a feeling of ugliness. Of not being normal. Baldness is a disease. It's a defective gene.

I have zero options. My hairloss is very rare. Something like only 5 percent of men get DUPA.

I couldn't of even had regular male pattern baldness where meds or transplants were an option.


My only option is a full cap wig or SMP.


I hate life. Robbed of everything at 27 years old.

Pills and alcohol are not foolproof, so if you're even half serious I just want to tell you that that's a bad way of going about it. You can end up in a far worse situation than you were before.

It's sad to get to the point in life where one has to know anything about suicide methods, but unfortunately I did my fair share of research on that subject matter as well (not due to hair however).

I'm not going to trivialize your situation with any kind of canned cheer-up bullshit because I know that doesn't help whatsoever, it's just that you never know if within 3-4 years we might finally have a way out of this whole f*****g mess. Some kind of justice at the end of all this suffering we all go through would be a proper closure I think. Maybe Tsuji can give that to us.

 

[blackg]

I have some pills and some alcohol near by. Not like anyone cares.

Never thought i'd consider killing myself over hair. But it's more than just hair. And any hair loss sufferer knows exactly what I mean.

It's a feeling of ugliness. Of not being normal. Baldness is a disease. It's a defective gene.

I have zero options. My hairloss is very rare. Something like only 5 percent of men get DUPA.

I couldn't of even had regular male pattern baldness where meds or transplants were an option.


My only option is a full cap wig or SMP.


I hate life. Robbed of everything at 27 years old.

This post kinda touched me deep inside somewhere. I also have alcohol.
Plus some nearby train tracks, if and when I need them.

 

[tellersquill]

I've been suicidal but it was never about hair - it is more of an existential thing. For now I plan to live until I'm not having fun anymore.

My Method: take a few sleeping pills and fall asleep in the alpine mountains - I'll never wake up and I'll freeze to death in my sleep.

 

[whatevr]

My Method: take a few sleeping pills and fall asleep in the alpine mountains - I'll never wake up and I'll freeze to death in my sleep.

I'll have to remember that one

 

[resu]

I think becoming an hat prisoner would be far better than killing yourself.

 

[tellersquill]

I think we can get precious about life. We for some reason have this ideal of living for as long as possible.

The only reason I don't advocate suicide is that most reasons for people to get suicidal are temporary issues that they feel they cannot get over, but in reality they can.

If someone has ALS, Quadripligia, or has just grown tired of life and has considered it for a long, long time then I think it is for the best.

 

[EvilLocks]

I have some pills and some alcohol near by. Not like anyone cares.

Never thought i'd consider killing myself over hair. But it's more than just hair. And any hair loss sufferer knows exactly what I mean.

It's a feeling of ugliness. Of not being normal. Baldness is a disease. It's a defective gene.

I have zero options. My hairloss is very rare. Something like only 5 percent of men get DUPA.

I couldn't of even had regular male pattern baldness where meds or transplants were an option.


My only option is a full cap wig or SMP.


I hate life. Robbed of everything at 27 years old.

I hate to sound like a therapist, but please don't kill yourself. And like someone else here said; you might even fail to kill yourself and end up worse than before. You could even risk brain damage. It's just not a good idea, so please think this through if you are truly serious.

Anyway, I understand why you would feel suicidal over hair loss. I was the same for a long time, and although I can't understand what it's like to be a man with hair loss, I know what those feelings of despair is like. I'm a female, and like you I have DUPA so medications failed to help me and a hair transplant is out of the question.

And although I'll never, ever be over hair loss, I'm not suicidal anymore (at least not most of the time, right now I'm going through a tough time unrelated to hair loss). You must work harder than you ever though possible, but it is possible to learn to live with baldness. You'll never get over it but somehow it's possible to continue living. It won't be easy, but it can be done.

Now I'm rambling here, and I don't know if I'm making much sense. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone, and you're not wrong in feeling this way... There are many others out there going through the same thing, some of them are on this forum. And please don't think nobody cares. I don't know you and I don't "care" about you in that sense, but I don't want you to kill yourself.

 

[EvilLocks]

Sorry to hear about your grandfather, EL. My sympathies to you and your family.

Thank you, Joan. It's a very tough time right now. He was truly the best grandfather in the whole world, and I care so much about him that I'm not even angry at him for passing me the baldness gene. I saw him almost every day and he was such a special man. Full of kindness and humour. He has always been there for me and supported me, and now he's not there anymore At least he got to die peacefully with his entire family around him, and I got to hold his hand while he took his final breath.

 

[DBW]

As someone with a couple of aborted attempts under his own belt, I second EvilLocks' remarks. Pills and alcohol is not going to kill you dude. It is most likely going to give you brain damage and it could even cause paralysis. There are stats on this stuff, just look online. Something like 1-100 suicides by overdose are successful. Just to clarify, I'm not here telling you you shouldn't kill yourself. That's your decision to make, not mine. But please do it properly. Look into services like Dignitas, euthanasia provisions in Belgium, The Peaceful Pill Handbook. Odds are it's not gonna end well for you otherwise.