Today I was being sexy in front of a woman.

[Guest]

Because I was wiggling my hips in a circular motion.

I was trying to sex woman up.

I was dressed in my white t-shirt, white skin tight shorts and long knee length grey socks.

I put my hair loss aside, and decided to act sexy in front of woman.

I was vigorously gripping my hair loss bag in my right hands whist I held some Cipla Fincar instructions in my left hand.

I was having the time of my life.

I was being sexy in front of woman.

I was trying to sex them up.

My horse-shoe pattern was on display and I felt proud.

I was dancing like James Brown.

I felt so hip

I was on the verge of having sex fun with woman.

If my mother was there, she would have been so proud

Whenever different woman would pass me in the street, I would pull a spud expression and yell “Can I sex you up?!"

Whilst frantically wiggling my hips in a circular motion.

I was like a newspaper salesman, as I shouted “Come and get your sex funs here!!â€

I had the chance to earn a living once again.

I had my whole life ahead of me.

I was setting new trends.

I really was about to have sexy with a woman.

All of a sudden, a group of men passed me. They looked at me weird. I wasn’t going to let them stop me from being sexy in front of woman.

I was being sexy for god sake!

That’s when I pulled an arrogant face, held my Cipla Fincar instructions in front of my face, before yelling “What do you want for gods sake? I have Cipla Instructions here, who are you? Jesus!â€

I then fell to the floor and started to vigorously twitch uncontrollably whilst pulling a agitated grimace.

I then started to shout “Where is my Norwood scale?“

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorwoodâ€

I then started to eat worms that were on the floor, before pulling down my trousers and combing my *** hair over my face in order to hide my hideous looking horse shoe pattern from the rest world.

Hair loss has caused me the utmost pain.

 

[Why me?]

Funny as all hell.


Hey yo Gunner I hope you never stop writing these stories. Man they make me laugh.

You are one funny kat and I like they way you express your balding problems.

 

[Buffboy]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

This is your funniest story to date.

I'm laughing out loud. f***'s sake! Keep 'em coming!

 

[pbz]

I'm going to start screaming "nooooorwood!" in the face of people if I continue to read these.

You've got some kind of bizarre talent. Not many could pull of writing a bunch of stories like this and keep it enjoying.

I'm still voting for a "Gunner's corner"-forum. o_o

 

[Hotlegs]

the breakthrough story

it's got tempo and rhythm

 

[Guest]

Very good Gunner.....

 

[SkipTracer]

Interesting and poetic story, but the ending sucks. A word of advice to you, here is a much more effective alternate ending:

I had my whole life ahead of me.

I was setting new trends.

I really was about to have sexy with a woman.

All of a sudden, a group of men passed me. They looked at me weird. I wasn’t going to let them stop me from being sexy in front of woman.

I was being sexy for god sake!

That’s when I pulled an arrogant face, held my Cipla Fincar instructions in front of my face

And then I grabbed the woman, and stuck my penis deeeep into her ***.

 

[Odelay]

Thank God I have A.D.D. or I might of actually read that waste.

 

[Godfather]

That was funny ???
Is this British humor?
I dont get it.

 

[tomsmith]

Gunner, you've raised the bar for all of us. Classic.

 

[Quagmire]

lol. that one was actually pretty funny. Your best one in a while. Keep em at that sort of quality gunner.

LoL at the cipla instructions, hehe.

 

[The Gardener]

Gunner, you are really getting good at these.

This one is concise, has a nice flow to it, and nice visuals. And the ending is classic Gunner, you have a way of putting into words that moment we have all felt when our hairloss has delivered us utter humiliation... and you express it all with crisp and clean humor. This one is a keeper for the coffee table book you should soon publish.

 

[too bald too furious]

All of a sudden, a group of men passed me. They looked at me weird. I wasn’t going to let them stop me from being sexy in front of woman.

I was being sexy for god sake!

That’s when I pulled an arrogant face, held my Cipla Fincar instructions in front of my face, before yelling “What do you want for gods sake?

Sad but true.

Anyways..good work..keep it up n keep em coming.

 

[Petchsky]

Hey Gunner, Do you still have that story about you and Borris at work?

That for me was your best work. Think you ought to repost it.

 

[not me!]

" was setting new trends.

I really was about to have sexy with a woman."

This has to be the funniest to date. I laughed the whole time reading it.

 

[Odelay]

*cough* *cough* *co....offtopicforumbound....ugh* *cough*

 

[Guest]

Hey Gunner, Do you still have that story about you and Borris at work?

That for me was your best work. Think you ought to repost it.

Ah, I remember this one.

Today was the first time in about a year me and a balding work colleague made communication.

We usually never talk to each other because we get too embarrassed to communicate because of our obvious hair loss problem.

Both of us are the only employees at our workplace who have started to lose their hair.

Whenever he approaches me, we both have the look of utter disgust on our faces.

I sometimes feel like belting him on the head because he gets on my nerves thinking all the time and breathing in my direction. I then stagger off muttering to myself “Who does this bald b**ch think he is!â€

I get really angry.

Whenever he approaches for lunch, both of us just sit there with embarrassed red faces, gazing around the room aimlessly, muttering to ourselves like disgruntled trolls.

This happens all the time.

Hair loss has really driven a wedge between us.

He feels the same.

One moment things are great and I am talking to 6 of my work colleagues, then all of a sudden I notice, Boris, my work colleague who is losing his hair, about to pass.

This results in me dropping to the floor and hiding my face in shame at the prospect of this complete bald brain talking to me.

He does the same to me.

We are the only baldies in our work place.

I don't like Boris, because, because I don't.

I have 17 more hairs then he does. He thinks he has better hair then me.

I tell him no!

I never say it to his face, but I can tell he is thinking he has more hair than me.

I can tell by the way he looks in the complete opposite direction from me.

I can tell he is looking at a reflection of my Norwood.

He is eyeing up my Norwood.

I am not having this.

I can’t accept it.

Whenever we pass each other at work more then 3 times, we both fall to the floor at the same time and hide our faces in complete shame. We hate passing each other. Whenever we pass each other, I think he is farting.

I think he is farting because he is losing his hair and he has ugly hairy legs.

Everyone just ignores us when we’re both rolling around on the floor hiding our faces in shame.

They are used to it now though.

It has happened every day for the last year.

One of my other work colleagues, who is called Malcolm, runs to the office, grabs the anti-retard spray off the wall, runs back into the factory and sprays us both while we are vigorously rolling on the floor like agitated goblins.

Both of us just sit their utterly dejected and soaking wet with our ugly horse shoe patterns shining like a beacon, due to the florescent lighting above.

This is all Boris’ fault.

This is a daily occurrence.

No one thinks anything of it.

The next day, the same thing would happen.

Sometimes, I catch Boris staring at my fresh Norwood 3. I won't stand for this. It's ok for everyone else to stare at my Norwood, but Boris really does take the biscuit.

He is trying to take advantage of my fresh Norwood.

It’s all Boris’ fault.

The way he stares at me in an innocent way - I just know he is trying to steal my Regaine Extra Strength 5%.

I won’t stand for it.

I’ve already accused him of trying to steal my blonde Toppik.

I know he was trying to steal it because when we’re going through our daily spaz attack of rolling on the floor he was thinking of stealing my hair loss bag.

I can tell.

Last week was the last straw!

I decided I had to act.

I needed to talk to him for the first time in a year.

I felt really proud of myself for making this decision.

I was really proud that I was handling this in the best way possible.

Really proud that I was finally going to make the first move.

I needed to speak to him.

I needed to do it.

All of a sudden, I noticed Boris about to walk past me.

Everyone braced themselves for the daily retard spray episode, when I looked Boris in the eye and muttered “Hello.“

It was all quiet.

Everyone held their breath in anticipation.

It was still quiet.

Then all of a sudden.

Boris replied.

He said “Hello.â€

Everyone gasped in disbelief.

Everyone was really proud.

Everyone started to cheer with pride!

Dr Gho and Dr Lee appeared from behind the curtain both doing the Kan-Kan.

This was really a defining moment in the history of Norwood.

The co-founders of the Norwood scale, ‘Bert and Gertrude Norwood’ would be so proud if they were looking down right now.

Nothing was wrong anymore.

We had both said “hello†to each other.

We were no longer embarrassed of each others Norwood’s.

Everyone was cheering.

Balloons flew up to the sky, coloured streamers were falling from the sky, trumpets were playing in the background.

It was such a proud momentous moment in the history of Norwood.

I was really making a difference.

In the end we solved it.

We are now the best of friends.

We now spend each weekend around each other houses comparing hair loss products and jiving around our respective Regaine bottles.

We now have the time of our lives. We both DemMatch each others hair.

It really is such a proud moment.

We are on the verge of opening a show called minoxidil jive’s r’us.

Both of us strip to our white naked pale bodies, while we proudly thrust around our respective bottles of Regaine Extra Strength 5%.

We don’t let hair loss get in the way of our lives.

Each morning we wake up next to each other, with our blow up dolls partially deflated due to the previous night escapades and groove around our hair loss bags with pride.

The proudness that is etched on our faces as we circle them really is something else.

We are living life to the full.

hair loss has really opened us both up.

We have peace of mind these days.

Only sometimes, when we are both waiting for our respective Rogaine parcels from Dr Lee does the arguments start.

We both wait next to our mail boxes with saliva dripping from our mouths and hands flapping in the air in an excitable manner at the delivery of our latest hair loss products.

We now both share each others problems.

Whenever Boris is feeling down, I try to make him feel better about things, I compliment his hair by saying, his horseshoe pattern looks fetching. When he breaks down in tears, we both re-joice at our Norwood’s by holding a mirror in front of us and doing a little jig with our hands, in sync with each other - just like we are in a boy band.

The moral of this story is, don’t be embarrassed by your work colleagues who have hair loss. In the end, me and Boris both came to our senses. Me and Boris pin pointed the problem, the problem being, Boris was so stubborn. He just could not accept his bald head, and was trying to take his frustrations out on other people, but we solved it.

But if it wasn’t for Bert & Gertrude Norwood for inventing the Norwood scale, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

_____________

Not funny anymore for me, but at the time, I had tears of laughter when writing it.

I put it on this cheap Bravenet site, here. http://norwoodscale.bravehost.com/Page14.html