Ive tried it,Its just not my thing.Im currently trying to find what I actually like in life.Try meditation. You might think it's esoteric bullshit but its positive effects on the human psyche have been backed up by science, plus buddhist practitioners are able to set themselves on fire without blinking. That's a pretty compelling argument for their ability to overcome suffering with mental discipline.
Had problems with drug abuse before,dont want to do it again.Did you try antidepressants? Are you potentially ready to go down this route?