What shall I do?

[Bald Dave]

I have got a wonderful gf. She is fun to be with etc but she is overweight (size 24) and it is starting to get me down. I've seen pics of her when she was skinny and she looked hot. My family don't won't me to bring her to family get-togethers because of her weight. She is happy to carry on eating and being lazy and doesn't make any effort to lose the weight. I don't want to leave her as she is my first gf and I don't want to be on my own but I at the same time I want her to lose the weight so what shall I do?

 

[ali777]

Buy her a gym membership as a birthday present

This is a hard one... If you tell her what you think, she'll get pissed off at you and the relationship will suffer. She'll think you don't love her enough, blah blah blah....

Maybe you can change your own diet, go running and stuff and that will make her think about herself???

Next time you go for dinner together or you cook, instead of having chips as a side dish, have a salad. Skip the dessert, etc. Instead of telling her what you think, you can put pressure on her by setting an example.

 

[IBM]

Bald Dave go for vegetarian life style. Your girl will follow and she'll lose weight.

 

[Bald Dave]

Thank you both for the advice. I do mention to her that I am going down to the gym everyday because I want to trim up for the new year so hopefully she'll get the hint soon enough.

 

[s.a.f]

How did she get from slim to size 24? And is it possible that she's getting bigger. Do you think she really does'nt care or just has no motivation?

 

[HughJass]

You should let her know how bad a poor diet is for mental health. Show her that eating right will give her more energy and she'll much happier.






Or just introduce her to amphetamines.

 

[Petchsky]

Or just introduce her to amphetamines.

LOL

So many women i know use these as a slimming aid, maybe slip it in her coffee

 

[Sean68]

Telling your family to sod off would be priority number one idve thought.

after that i think if it were me i wouldnt be going down the route of dropping subtle hints like ' but watercress is really nice when you get used to it - just try!' or mentioning how many times youve been the gym or whatever. i think the best way would be to tell her you like her for who she is and make a fuss of her. that way
she'd have more confidence in herself, and like you more in return. Im sure she knows how you feel and when she see you accepting her she'll feel more confident and
want to please you. Easier said than done i know - I think it comes down to whether you have the patience to stick with it but thats what id do mate.

 

[The Gardener]

Or just introduce her to amphetamines.

Haha

You could tell her that one of your new year's resolutions is to develop a healthy drug habit. And, nothing says 'romance' like a smouldering crack pipe....

 

[Sean68]

so hopefully she'll get the hint soon enough.

yeah maybe but its not the sign of a cool guy though. give her the confidence to change herself.

 

[Obsidian]

Just tell her straight up "I want you to come to the gym with me".

 

[dimitar_berbagod]

Just tell her to start coming to the gym with you. If she refuses stick a carrot up her minge. :tongue:

 

[patagonia]

Bald Dave......

have you thought of the possibility that if she slims down and becomes a "hottie" again she might decide
to "up-grade" to a new hot boyfriend......?


also, your family discriminating against your chunky girlfriend aint cool...... :nono:

 

[ali777]

so hopefully she'll get the hint soon enough.

yeah maybe but its not the sign of a cool guy though. give her the confidence to change herself.

I completely agree with you, and your previous post as well...

But how would you go on about giving her confidence??? Hold her hand, tell her how much you love her, etc??? and then what? What if she just takes the compliments and does nothing to change herself?

My ex gf used to go to the gym 4 times a week, eat only stupid veg that I wouldn't even touch, but she drove every freaking where. The whole process requires a lifestyle change, not just a few leaves and going to the gym. I got so annoyed with her attitude and I told her going to the gym was pointless if she didn't leave the car at home. We had issues and she had low self-esteem that was dragging me down as well, there was nothing I could do to help her with her self-esteem.

Trying to give a woman some confidence was the hardest thing I had to do in my whole life. I've taken countless number of exams, and they weren't as hard.

I was talking to a female friend who has apparently read the famous "Men are from Mars and women was from Venus" book. The things she was saying made sense to me, I could see how the book reflects my experiences. Maybe we should consider reading the book as well.

 

[ali777]

This was in the news couple months ago... Research shows that fat women are more likely to have had sex.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldne ... d-sex.html

Fat women more likely to have had sex

In a study of 7,000 women 92 per cent of those who were overweight had slept with a man.

The figure was only 87 per cent among those of a "normal" size.

The research, carried out by the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, contradicts previous results which suggested that larger women had a lower libido, while thinner ones were more likely to be sexually active.

It was based on the sexual histories of American women aged 15 to 44. A Body Mass Index (BMI) of 25 was chosen as the cut-off point between being normal and overweight.

Factors such as age, race, location, number of partners and frequency of sex were all taken into account.

However, size was the only criterion that affected the likelihood of a woman having slept with a man.

Dr Bliss Kaneshiro, who led the research, published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynaecology, said: "These results were unexpected and we don't really know why this is the case.

"Our analysis demonstrated that overweight women do not differ significantly in some of the measures of sexual behaviour compared to women of normal weight.

"This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counselling on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, regardless of their weight."

 

[Bald Dave]

Thanks for all your advice guys. I agree with what Sean is saying and just accept the fact that she is overweight and tell her that she means alot to me but I will still give her a few hints. It seems like its working because last night we spoke on the phone and she is joining a get fit class next Tuesday and she is also replacing the crisps and chocolate with orange and bananas so at least thats a start

At the end of the day she doesn't have any other bad qualities such as no children from previous relationships, her parents and friends think the world of me, she thinks the world of me, we have good times togeher etc so what if she is a size 24. I think might stop listening to other people and start enjoying myself unk:

 

[Bald Dave]

How did she get from slim to size 24? And is it possible that she's getting bigger. Do you think she really does'nt care or just has no motivation?

To honest with you I don't really know how she got from being slim to a size 24. I've never got round to asking her. She is 27 now and she showd me her passport photo of when she was 19 and she looks like a size 8. I just dunno how she could get to that size in only 8 years? :dunno:

I think she does care about her size, I just don't think she has any motivation. Plus her mum and dad wait on her whilst she lays in bed and she only works about 1/2 mile away but yet she still gets a lift from her dad. She is the only child and I think her and mum and dad spoil her too much and she has become lazy in the process!

 

[EasyEd]

I have got a wonderful gf. She is fun to be with etc but she is overweight (size 24) and it is starting to get me down. I've seen pics of her when she was skinny and she looked hot. My family don't won't me to bring her to family get-togethers because of her weight. She is happy to carry on eating and being lazy and doesn't make any effort to lose the weight. I don't want to leave her as she is my first gf and I don't want to be on my own but I at the same time I want her to lose the weight so what shall I do?

Dave,

How do you feel about the fact that your family doesn't want her at family get togethers because of her weight? That's bullsh*t. If you care about her, that's all that should matter.

 

[ali777]

Bald Dave......

have you thought of the possibility that if she slims down and becomes a "hottie" again she might decide
to "up-grade" to a new hot boyfriend......?


also, your family discriminating against your chunky girlfriend aint cool...... :nono:

+1 +1

One of my mates used to go out with a larger woman. I'm not good with sizes, I couldn't tell you what her size was but she was what is termed as fat, maybe bordering obese.

Anyway, she went on some super diet and got down to size 10, then they split up. It wasn't exactly a case of "upgrading the boyfriend", but my friend told me the fact that she lost so much weight and became more confident had a part to play in them splitting up.

They were a strange couple, a mommy's boy and an overweight girl. I don't think anyone else would have put up with either one of them. After she lost some weight she didn't have to put up with him anymore and she walked out. I don't blame her, it takes lots of patience to be around my friend. I don't think a "normal" girl would stay with him.

If you treat your gf right, she wouldn't leave you even if she lost weight.

Also, you shouldn't pay attention to what your family says... It's hard, but you should try to keep both sides happy. I personally never ask for my family's approval.

 

[ali777]

Bald Dave......

have you thought of the possibility that if she slims down and becomes a "hottie" again she might decide
to "up-grade" to a new hot boyfriend......?

Don't think they won't do it! Becuase, oh yes, they will. I don't care if you have been with a woman for years and years - even married. If they lose major weight and become hot again - the thought of "up-grading" will at least cross their minds, IMO. No matter how much you think you know a woman - you don't! They think in very mysterious ways, and do illogical things beyond comprehension that no man could ever hope to understand.

You really don't trust women, do you? My experiences weren't as bad as yours, but I had one very bad experience as well. Funny enough, I still trust women. I somehow believe my bad experience was karma getting even with me :hairy: . I actually appreciate women even more now. I'll rephrase that as "I appreciate having the right woman even more".

I don't mean to disagree with you, I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) so we have a very different way of looking at things. Anyway, I don't think women are as bad as you think they are.

I have to agree about "upgrading" crossing their minds. Then again, don't most men think about upgrading as well? I know I do. Most of the time the thought of upgrading is just a harmless fantasy, people don't act on it.