What's the point if all you can attract is uglies or w****s?

[epictetus]

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[Gene_Fighter]

Man, your outlook on life in general here is pretty concerning. Am I correct in saying that your hairloss may only be one facet of a much larger problem? Your self confidence and future outlook seems like it needs a serious boost.

Look, I feel your pain. I'm 23 and for years I've been going through the same exact type of rationalizing in my head that you just described. Losing your hair early in life is a huge blow to your self confidence and your future outlook, I know, I'm still dealing with it myself. But I would think that at 32 you would be somewhat closer to coming to terms with your hairloss, and finding other aspects about yourself to enjoy and feel proud of, other aspects of the world that still give you that inspired and hopeful feeling.

Here's my advice: posts some pics if you want, and consider shaving your head. You may look a whole lot better, and the fact that you have male pattern baldness will no longer be painfully obvious, and it shouldn't consume you any longer.

Check out www.slybaldguys.com. This is a great forum for men who have become irrevocably bald, and there are plenty of people on here who will explain to you how life is more than just about your hair and superficial looks.

Also I would take a long hard look at your perspectives with women. There are many women out there who are not Madonnas but are not ugly either. I wouldn't say "lower your standards"; you're looking for the wrong reasons if you're doing that. Just look for someone that makes you happy, and someone that you can at least find reasonably attractive. But don't search exclusively for the Madonnas.

 

[s.a.f]

Look, I feel your pain. I'm 23 and for years I've been going through the same exact type of rationalizing in my head that you just described. Losing your hair early in life is a huge blow to your self confidence and your future outlook, I know, I'm still dealing with it myself. But I would think that at 32 you would be somewhat closer to coming to terms with your hairloss, and finding other aspects about yourself to enjoy and feel proud of.

Ha , you just dont get it.
For guys who go bald young its like a chain reaction that can upset the entire future. Because you know that your lifes path has been altered, yes this may be just because of self confidence ect but it still does'nt make it any easier to accept.
If a man grew up with money then at age 20 was suddenly plunged into extreme poverty for 10+ yrs you would'nt expect him to just accept it and say well you should have gotten used to it by now.

 

[KDK87]

 

[CharlieBrownCocoaMan]

So you have money huh...


...look up The Tom Leykis Show and listen to his podcasts or look him up on Youtube.

Seriously, like Tiger, just do it.

 

[End_Game]

Don't listen to people that tell you that you must lower your standards. unless you are going for models, or women that are really obviously attractive, it shouldn't be necessary. If you are a half decent looking guy--i.e decent face--you should NEVER settle for a f*****g ugly woman.

you just need to be patient. if the patience yields no results, you go solo for a while.

I'm not just directing this comment to the thread starter either. Any guy that is used to dating and sleeping with attractive women should never go for an ugly woman. You will never be able to get around the sex part. I know a guy that went for a less attractive woman, and he actively avoided sex. how is that? avoiding physical contact. that is just absurd. Nobody wants to be in that position.

keep your standards reasonable.

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Your poster name is pretty ironic considering your attitude; Epictetus said 'If a man isn't happy, its his own fault.'

I dont know your personal situation, or the objective reality of your life. But fundementally, your life is your life, and you can change it if you want. You can choose to blame your hair loss on damaging your life - but hair loss doesnt seem to damage (at least all the bald(ing) guys in the world who seem to be able to get on with it.

Im not saying that hair loss isn't crippling - it is. If your limbs give us mobility and physicallity, then our hair gives us our looks and our aesthetic element. However, whilst losing hair can be understandably crippling its only part of the picture. I dont know. I dont know your situation. To be honest I dont give a sh*t. That attitude isnt going to get you anyway. You need to pull yourself together and stop being such a pussy. Thats the hard truth.

I will concede - I dont know how I will deal with future when it comes to my hair loss. Picturing my self with a horseshoe - with my top diffusing - fills me with great foreboding. Its definitely a dark and scary thought. I do appreciatte that being completely bald or obvoiusly thinning must be a whole different ball game to people in my position, who are on the way to that, but still have a few years. Compared to some of the joke posters on here who are moaning - but are more or less paraniod or have had absolutely minimum nw1 loss - I have lost a fair amount on the sides, and from the sides, if I pull my hair back, I can see it creeping upwards in a line. Hairloss has already reduced my attraction by a few notches. I used to feel an 8 or 9 - but now I feel more of 7, sometimes a 6 on a bad day.

But f*** it. What gets me through is the fact that there are plenty of bald guys who look good bald. Its not balding per se that is the problem, its your other physical areas, and your mind obvously. Hope you can pick yourself up. It aint that bad.

 

[toocoolforhair]

You say "I'm content with books and an Internet connection. Without trying to impress women and support a family, there's no incentive to be a social success." But you sound pretty upset that you have had no success with women. Maybe the problem is you are in two minds; one says you're better off alone the other says you desperately want a woman. You should try and figure out what you really want in life so you know where to put your efforts.

 

[Gene_Fighter]

If a man grew up with money then at age 20 was suddenly plunged into extreme poverty for 10+ yrs you would'nt expect him to just accept it and say well you should have gotten used to it by now.

Yes I would, actually. Not accept it and get used to it, but change and deal with it. Change and adaptation are all apart of life. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly but if after 10 years someone still doesn't have the willpower to change and deal with their life circumstances somehow, then that person truly is hopeless.

I am not saying that it is any easier to accept at 32 rather than 22, and I'm not saying that hairloss still isn't crippling on our self perspectives. It absolutely is, I know because I deal with it every day. But I am saying that if the poster started to go bald at 17 he should have realized quite awhile ago that there other ways to accept it and still find joy and fulfillment out of life: shave your head so male pattern baldness doesn't define you; find other aspects about yourself that you enjoy; find fulfillment from other parts of your life beyond your hair.

It's not easy to accept, but at some point we all have to, any way we can. This is life. It's not fair, and we're not all dealt an even hand, but we have to use what we have the best way we can.

 

[Bald Dave]

I think having the right outlook in life is important and if you have low self-esteem then girls will see this from a mile away. Like ive mentioned before women love confidence! It doesn't matter if you're not the best looking guy or have loads of money but guys with confidence will attract girls as they are giving off the right vibes and thus girls will want them. Hairloss isn't ugly and will only destroy your life if you let it. Hairloss is a confidence destroyer and not a looks destroyer.

On the subject of ugly girls i think that beauty is in the eye of beholder. My girl is big but to me she is beautiful. People always laughs at her but i just ignore them because they are still single, miserable and will be spending xmas on their own whilst i will be having good times with my gf.

What you might not find attractive others will plus there is more to it than looks in order to get a life partner. You've gotta be able to get on and be best friends. Its not all to do with looks.

My cousin attracts some right good looking girls but the relationships never work out because as soon as they get bored they will easily go and get some other guy to f*ck! I usually find the best looking girls aren't always the best people and are prone to cheating :hump:

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

I think having the right outlook in life is important and if you have low self-esteem then girls will see this from a mile away. Like ive mentioned before women love confidence! It doesn't matter if you're not the best looking guy or have loads of money but guys with confidence will attract girls as they are giving off the right vibes and thus girls will want them. Hairloss isn't ugly and will only destroy your life if you let it. Hairloss is a confidence destroyer and not a looks destroyer.

On the subject of ugly girls i think that beauty is in the eye of beholder. My girl is big but to me she is beautiful. People always laughs at her but i just ignore them because they are still single, miserable and will be spending xmas on their own whilst i will be having good times with my gf.

What you might not find attractive others will plus there is more to it than looks in order to get a life partner. You've gotta be able to get on and be best friends. Its not all to do with looks.

My cousin attracts some right good looking girls but the relationships never work out because as soon as they get bored they will easily go and get some other guy to f*ck! I usually find the best looking girls aren't always the best people and are prone to cheating :hump:

I get the gist of what your saying. But I dont agree that hair loss is not a looks destroyer, I mean come on, lets get real here. Of course it is. I live in London and the amount of older bald guys I see who have completely let themselves go is phenomanal, as it is depressing for me. I have a nightmare of being like one day - and it may be a nightmare that I will never be able escape of wake up from. Being white and balding is generally a fuckery. I would say that lets say everyone has looks out of ten - hair loss will always take at least 2-4 notches of your attracivity. I felt I was about an 8, sometimes a 9, now I generally feel about about a 7. Thats not bad overall I guess - but Im only on the first steps of hair loss. Going completely bald and diffusing fucks people. Especially white guys. And especially in England where we get no sun.

No offence mate, but as humans attraction is built into us - we want to pick other attractive mates, its something thats just biologically natural. I dont want to think that one day Im going to have to accept some girl that I dont actually find attractive(Im not even talking about the best looking girls) just to have some1. Id rather be lonely and masturbate! I dont think I could be with a fat girl that people laugh at. Perhaps when I get increasingly desperate..I dont know.

 

[Bald Dave]

Mate, haven't you seen the amount of baldies with hot girls in London? I live in London as well and i don't see baldness as a problem for guys to attract girls in terms of looks! If a guy lets himself go then its his fault and to make sure you don't do the same then you need to hit the gym, eat properly and don't drink too much alcohol. To say that all bald men let themselves go and men with hair don't is a stupid comment to make. Why should hair determine which lifestyle you are going to lead :dunno:

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

Im not saying all guys. Its just a personal observation. When im walking about, on public transport, on the street etc.

There are some special cases who seem to pull it off. But generally speaking, most white bald guys I see simply look pretty bad. And most older bald guys I see around have generally let themselves go a bit. Not completely. But so many of them have guts and and fat faces. They look like hippos. Not all. But the majority just dont suit going bald.

My point is this - I agree that hair loss itself isnt nessacarily a looks destroyer. But when you count in stress, pollution, generally bad diets, alcohol, ciggerates, and being overwieght, plus getting no sun. Well then your not in a good situation. And most bald guys I see on the street, especially older ones simply dont look in shape.

There are tons of bald guys that look good - thats mainly the athletes. Also buddhist monks. Its do too with health.

 

[Bald Dave]

There are many guys with NW1's that are fat and have let themself go! There are many old guys in my office that are in shape and are not athlets :hump:

 

[Bald Dave]

There is girl i know and she is a grade 10 stunner but she sleeps around alot. She is 33 years old, never had a proper relationship and she has been with 100s of guys! Her hole must be so big that you could prob fit your head in it!

Like i mentioned earlier the good looking girls aren't always the best for relationships as they have had many dicks and will almost certainly cheat on you :hump:

 

[Nashville Hairline]

I'm 32, a NW3v and pulled a great looking woman last weekend. I was ecstatic.

Seriously guys, dont underestimate the amount of good-looking women with diabolical taste in men out there. :woot:

 

[superfrankie]

they are prone to cheating simply cause they can have whatever guy they want whenever they want. Seriousy...that must be difficult, to stick with one guy in that situation. If I felt super handsome I would find it hard to stick with one woman, just because I know I could hook up gorgeous girls whenever I feel like it. Too bad thats not the case anymore due to my NW5.

and remember: Never lower your standars when it comes to woman. NEVER accept that. It is very harmful to ones self-esteem. If I cant get the girls I used to get before my hair loss now, then I rather live in celibat for the rest of my life. You will never feel better about yourself if you settle for uglier women. Only go for girls you actually feel attraction for.

just to make things clear.

 

[superfrankie]

and I just wanna say something that happened to me recently:

I have hooked up a gorgeous and sexy 36 y old woman over the internet: Weve spoken on the phone and she knows how I look (well, at least with a cap on) and she loves my sense of humor and my personality. She also thinks Im "cute". She has given invitations several times for me to come and join her at her place. Since Im 21 its obvious its just a potential f¤ck-friend relationship.

Whats sad is that I feel that going for older more mature women is the only way I can get sex at the moment. Simply cause they may value personality and whats inside more than younger ones. There not as shallow I guess. Whats frightening me is that she says she only meet "high quality men". She said she was picky (who isnt?) and rather spend one night alone than with a half decent man. And she dont even know Im bald and NW5. And Im just so f*****g scared to be rejected if she knew. I know Im pathetic but its just the way it is since I know she will question me regarding my age. So despite my humour and personality she will say no cause she may be scared of how I look and get turned off

I wouldnt be this absent-minded if I still had my hair. Thats for sure. Oh God..I hate this.

 

[uncomfortable man]

Man, I know what that feels like. Wearing a hat is such a double edged sword. Sure you feel more comfortable out in public to the point where you can function but you get so used to it that it feels unbearable to go out without it. Keep us posted on this one, alright?

 

[Hope4hairRedux]

they are prone to cheating simply cause they can have whatever guy they want whenever they want. Seriousy...that must be difficult, to stick with one guy in that situation. If I felt super handsome I would find it hard to stick with one woman, just because I know I could hook up gorgeous girls whenever I feel like it. Too bad thats not the case anymore due to my NW5.

and remember: Never lower your standars when it comes to woman. NEVER accept that. It is very harmful to ones self-esteem. If I cant get the girls I used to get before my hair loss now, then I rather live in celibat for the rest of my life. You will never feel better about yourself if you settle for uglier women. Only go for girls you actually feel attraction for.

just to make things clear.

Exactly. I am only going to girls I am attracted to. The personality is just as important obvoiusly, but you need to be physically attracted first, bottom line. Ill never be with someone that Im not attracted to either.