Last week I finally got a job working in an office.
Well yesterday, my boss invited me to the office to meet and greet my new work mates.
I think this is the general practice for new employees, so he invited me around to the office a few days before I officially start the job.
I have never been to a meet and greet session before, so I wasn’t 100% sure of what to do or even what to wear.
When I got there, I noticed everyone was waiting in line for me. They were all lined up waiting to shake my hand and introduce themselves to me.
At this stage, I was hiding my real emotions. I just felt extra nervous.
The continuous thought of hair loss was etched firmly on my mind and I just couldn’t shake it off.
Anyway, the first few people went fine; I shook their hands and moved on to the next person.
However, when I go to the 4th person in the line, I started to shake.
I didn’t feel quite right, but I carried on regardless.
That’s when my hair loss took control of me.
Instead of offering my hand for them to shake, I grimaced unattractively, before violently thrusting my head down to introduce him to my fresh Norwood.
I could not believe my own actions.
Tears started to stream down my face, as the realisation of losing another job opportunity began to hit home.
That’s when things went from bad to worse.
Because I started running around with my head down in the Norwood bomb position, bombing at everyone in sight.
I was Norwood bombing.
Everyone had looks of apprehension on their faces, as I chased after them in a confused manner.
I was Norwood bombing in the direction of female derrières.
I was living it up.
All that could be heard was shouting and screaming, as my bemused workmates could not believe what they were seeing.
My hair loss had intervened with my progress in life once again.
I could not control myself.
It was pure mayhem.
At this stage, sapple was vigorously dripping from my Norwood 3v with attitude.
I couldn’t even manage a simple task, such as a hand shake.
Because I was bombing at everyone with my horse-shoe pattern.
I was trying to imprint my horse-shoe pattern into their stomachs.
I was determined in introducing them to my fresh looking Norwood.
I wanted them to meet it.
I wanted to introduce my Norwood to them.
I wanted to make friends with them.
I wanted to show them how I’ve handled my hair loss.
I was living life to the fullest.
I just did not want them miss out either.
I stole the show with my hair loss.
I then double checked the contents of my hair loss bag, before firmly attaching it around my waist.
That’s when I did a short rendition on the Norwood Groove - whilst pulling an uncomfortable serious Norwood expression.
Everyone had worried expressions on their faces.
I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.
I was confused - I haven’t even been to a meet and greet session before.
I just wanted a job.
Then, to my horror, I turned around to see my new boss in the missionary position, violently banging his hands on the floor.
All of a sudden, my new boss started to shout at me.
More tears poured down my spam face, as I plummeted to the floor like an injured antelope.
My life was in turmoil.
I had no idea why people were running away from me.
It was my first day at my new job and everyone was already treating me like an outcast.
Because I was running with my head down Norwood bombing at everyone, trying my utmost to imprint my fresh looking Norwood into their chests.
I was having fun - I thought they were too.
I was chasing them with my dumb looking Norwood face.
All of a sudden, the fire squad got called out because I could not control myself.
That’s when I had to bring a halt to proceedings. I could not let this carry on, so I put my head up.
It was completely quiet.
Everyone was looking at me in pure shock and open mouthed, as I stood there confused and oblivious to what I was doing.
It was still quiet.
Then all of a sudden, in the form of Sloth from Goonies, I put my hands in the air and shouted “HEY YOU NOOOOOORWOOD’s!â€
I had summoned the Norwood’s.
Everyone gazed at each another in panic.
The ground then started to violently shake.
Everyone dressed in their stained and torn black suits turned around, only to see a herd of wild hair loss sufferers, all with their heads in the Norwood bomb position, violently charging towards them.
Saucers and teapots were flying everywhere.
Everyone was running away desperately, as the herd of hair loss sufferers made their way closer to my petrified workmates.
It was like a scene from BBC Wildlife on One programme where the Wildebeest all simultaneously run cross the river.
Only this time, it was a flurry of hair loss sufferers, all with dumb expressions on their faces, trying their utmost to thrust their Norwood’s into innocent people’s stomachs.
I then started to Norwood bomb with them - desperately running with my head forward, trying to find the answer.
It was mayhem.
Trains were crashing into streets, planes were flying off course in the skies above and cars were crashing in the streets.
Not only that, but former butchered Bosely medical patients were throwing themselves head first from the top of sky scrapers.
It was utter chaos.
No one had control over their actions, as the herd of wild hair loss sufferers stampeded uncontrollably with their heads forward, bombing at innocent people - trying to imprint their horse-shoes onto the stomachs of non-Norwooder’s.
All of a sudden, I had to call a halt to the stampede.
So I pulled out my Minoxoidil 5% with Retinic Acid 0.5% and started to end proceedings once again, by dabbing my Minoxoidil 5% with Retinic acid 0.5% on my head, whilst shouting â€Norwooders! Please stop!â€
It then went quiet once again.
The expressions on the faces of my petrified workmates were unforgettable.
The hair-loss sufferers, who were Norwood bombing 3 minutes prior, were all crying their eyes out, oblivious to what they had done.
The howls and cries from the confused hair loss sufferers were excruciating.
The sounds were like the distant echoes of a penitentiary.
Everyone then started looking at everyone else, trying to find appropriate reasons for their actions.
Only, there was no viable excuse available.
Until, we started to hear someone trying to tip-toe out of the room.
Everyone turned around, only to find Dr Lee squeezing what appeared to be a skunk’s ***, whilst holding a small white container with the inscription Spironalactone 5% written on the front.
We had officially found the perpetrator - and he was making spironolactone cream.
All of a sudden, out of no where, the scene turned to night time.
Everyone then started chasing Dr Lee in the form of 1888AD angry villagers, whist holding wooden flamed torches and garden forks in their hands.
Howls of derision and anger could be heard amongst the distressed villagers, unhappy with Dr Lee’s actions towards the smell of Spironalactone 5% cream.
When everyone finally caught up with Dr Lee, they made an alarming discovery.
Because it turned out to be none other then Dr Gho in disguise, who was pulling a full fledged mooney in their direction, whilst frantically combing his *** hair over his eye-brow hair to compensate for the fact his eye-brow hair was firmly combed over his crooked hair-line.
Everyone just ran away in shock, yelling “Noooooooooorwood†as he jumped along on one handed, trying to sell them HM.
:hairy: :hairy: :hairy:
