HLTguest,
I was diagnosed at 8yrs as having moderate OCD. I know -EXACTLY- what it is like to feel weird as well as have others think of you as weird (especially girls). Back in grade school I had this 'thing' with certain textures of clothes and would only wear raggy looking sweat pants, stretched out shirts, and off color converse shoes... I still remember my first crush (Sarah Helms), in front of the whole class, make fun of me in which the entire class had a big laugh at my expense.
Then in HS, pretty much every year until my Senior one, I really never fit in... I was always the loner... I did manage to have a friend that was a girl with 'special privileges' but I pretty much went through all of HS without one -real- gf.
My last year in HS and afterwards (18+) my OCD just started to subside. I started to feel normal again (though I still had mild symptoms) and was beginning to make new friends as well as have girls notice me. By 19yrs I fell MADLY in love with an extremely attractive girl who felt the same for me. The passion and sex was amazing and I cannot imgaine living life without those experiences.
Now I know your OCD is still bad at 23 but two things man:
1 - OCD can subside over time.
2 - There are effective medications, behavior therapy, and counseling available to help get your OCD under control
You -CAN- turn things around man. You're talking to a guy who has been in a very similar boat (my OCD was not as bad but I also had BDD which is a whole 'nother story)... Castration in your situation is not the answer.
What would you do if your OCD did subside in your 20s or even 30s? What would you do if you met the woman of your dreams but could never 'be with her' or have kids? Dude, you would probably kill yourself (no joke). It isnt worth trying to take the 'easy' way out of your situation by cutting your balls off. Compared to castration, managing and facing your OCD, over the long term, is going to be immeasurably easier.
You never had sex so you have NO idea how f*cking amazing it is man. You think there isnt a woman out there for you? Even when my OCD in HS was bad I met a girl which turned sexual. Dude, at that time I had a mohawk and was wearing bicycle spandex because of my weirdo mind!!! You just lived a sheltered life when it comes to women, you have no idea the variety that is out there.
Look man, you want to chop your balls off that is your life and your body... You only get one though (life and set of balls that is) so you better REALLY think hard about what you're considering. No matter how bad things are now, things can always get better... But once your balls are gone they are gone.
Oh yeah, and dont think losing the 'twins' will stop you from emotionally 'feeling' the need for companionship... I know you must feel trapped right now man but your solution is only going to make it worse. You want my advice:
Look for some help (medications, behavior therapy, and counseling), get to the gym (or if you cant leave the house right now start exercising at home) to blow off some 'energy', and focus on your future career in helping others. If you still feel the same after you gave it all a FAIR shot then revisit the issue... But dude, you're 23. I dont mean to be condescending but you're just a kid. I know you think you're grown up but you arent. You're too young and have too little experience in life and with women to make this decision.
